Marriage & Divorce are bonded by Finance
The constitution of marriage is based upon 2 things – 1) the man and the woman are believers (2:221) and maintenance; where the man is obliged to give the woman her payment (ujurahunne) and here are the verses related to the latter condition; 4:4, 4:20, 4:24, 4:25, 4:34,4:127 33:50, 60:10, 65:6 and even after divorce for some time 2:240 and there is no time limit here in 2:241.
Men are tagged as the "qawwamun" that is, the protectors and the maintainers of women, in the Qur'an. This is due to the maintenance responsibility imposed on men by Allah. This can be seen in Q4:34: "Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth". Therefore, men have a greater responsibility in supporting their families.
Qanitat, has been widely interpreted as implying "obedience" to the husband. In tandem with the narrow, rendering of qawwamun as "in charge of", this gives a meaning suggesting that a man is in charge of his wife, who must be obedient to him.
However, this rendering of the term qanitat is antithetical to the Qur'an's own frequent use of the term. Numerous verses of the Qur'an (e.g. 2:116; 3:17; 30:26; 33:31; 39:9, 66:5, 66:12) deploy this term. In all cases, the term is used exclusively in the sense of being "obedient to God" - not to any human being, or any other entity for that matter.
Therefore, the interpretation of the term qanitat here to mean "obedient (to her husband)" is departing from the meaning of the term as deployed by the Qur'an. The same meaning as applied throughout the Qur'an should of course apply here, so that the meaning is simply "obedience (to God)." Hafitha is often overlooked that the verse then goes on to ascribe to the woman, too, a duty of "guardianship" over that which God prescribes. The word used is hafitha, which literally means "custodian" or "guardian."
Thus, just as the man is duty-bound on behalf of God to "stand for", support and provide for his wife, the woman is in turn to act as his custodian and guardian on behalf of God. Thus, far from suggesting a form of one-sided patriarchy, the Qur'an establishes a framework of mutuality within marriage, through man and woman providing different forms of guardianship to each other, and overlapping fields of complementary authority by which they care for and protect each other.This Divine verse describes the man as qawwam (maintainer) and the woman as qanitah (obedient) and hafizatun lil-ghaib (preserver of the secret). So men are responsible for protection, supervision, provision of their (women's) necessities and maintaining them in other worldly affairs, as a wife, she has a right of maintenance from her husband during marriage contract and even after marriage contract during waiting period (iddah) and after divorce. In all worldly affairs, women are free from all liabilities, whereas men are duty bound to maintain them in worldly
affairs.One purpose of this differentiation is to keep her safe from roughing out like men otherwise she can be a breadwinner too. Husband is the head of the family on the basis of reading of 4:34 and 2:228. This headship does not in any way confer "license of dictatorship or misuse. Misuse or non-discharge of this responsibility by husband does not prevent wife from resorting to other legal measures for enforcement of her rights which may include dissolution of marriage. Everyone moves within the circle of rights and obligations. Men are responsible for the protection and care of women and women are responsible for taking care of home and if they have children the children.
If this is what we believe in then this status quo must remain after divorce too. As 4:34 is based around maintenance in terms of the husband – then after divorce this shall remain if the woman is in need (2:241). This verse discusses the financial provision for divorced women. It outlines that divorced women are entitled to a provision according to what is acceptable, and it is a duty upon those who do good. It emphasizes the importance of providing financial support to divorced women in a just and equitable manner. 2:240 addresses the issue of bequests in case of divorce. It mentions that divorced women should be provided with maintenance for a year without turning them out, but also allows them to leave the marriage or household in an acceptable manner. This verse highlights financial responsibilities within the context of divorce. 65:6-7 verses discuss the financial obligations of divorced husbands. They are instructed to provide for their divorced wives during the waiting period (Iddah). The verses emphasize the importance of providing for the women in a good and kind manner, according to their means.
So if we don't possess or own our children how does Quran guide us as a parent?
O believers! Do not let your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. For whoever does so, it is they who are the ˹true˺ losers 63:9
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. 66:6
He is the One Who created you from a single soul, then from it made its spouse so he may find comfort in her. After he had been united with her, she carried a light burden that developed gradually. When it grew heavy, they prayed to Allah, their Lord, "If you grant us good offspring, we will certainly be grateful." But when He granted their descendants good offspring, they associated false gods in what He has given them. Exalted is Allah above what they associate ˹with Him˺! 7:189-190
Lokman added,˺ "O my dear son! ˹Even˺ if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed—be it ˹hidden˺ in a rock or in the heavens or the earth—Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware. O my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good and forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely this is a resolve to aspire to. "And do not turn your nose up to people, nor walk pridefully upon the earth. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant,
boastful.Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys." 31:16-19
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. 31:14
But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. 31:15
And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (Yahya - to Allah or to his parents). 19:14
And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblest. (Isa) 19:32
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims." 46:15-18
These are some of the verses guiding parents with which values to bring their child up with. It is highly important to have these instilled not only with vocal reminder but being a model. This is what is important, and both the mother and the father whose relationship will forever be intact with their children and maybe with each other too as believers (unless Quran says so in terms of shirq) should strive to bring their children up with the teachings of these verses and be a model – to my understanding this is what is important rahther than going over things which are not in the Quran i.e woman can leave without her children – man owns the children leaving the mother out of the equation completely etc. May Allah increase our knowledge.
Let them live where you live, according to your means. And do not harass them to make their stay unbearable. If they are pregnant, then maintain them until they deliver. And if they nurse for you, compensate them, and consult together courteously. But if you fail to reach an agreement, then another woman will nurse ˹the child˺ for the father.
The verse 2:233 also shows that the Qur'an is trying to state that the parents should not try to harm each other by using their child as bait during and after divorce.
Father's harming the mother may be through such acts as emotional instigation of the mother by making her breastfeed their child without paying for her living expenses, depriving her of seeing and taking care of her child, taking the baby away from her in order to revenge her and leaving it with someone else; on the other hand, since the mother is not able to persecute the father directly, she tries to achieve her goal by using the baby as bait throughout one of the following ways. Through emotional provocation of the father making him to pay more for her breastfeeding the child; preventing the father from seeing his child; avoiding to breastfeed the baby and abandoning the child to its father. Obviously, in the above cases, the first one to be harmed is the child.
Let us remember 65:6 "take mutual councel together, according to ma'ruf" 4:35-36 And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted. As a believer it is a must that all affairs shall be solved and decided together by mutual consultation with the light of the Quran and the hukm received from the Quran 42:10, 4:59, 5:48 should be taken to court as mutual consent/ amicable divorce so Allah's command is taken.
9:71 The believers, both men and women, are allies of one another. They enjoin good, forbid evil, establish Prayer, pay Zakah, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Surely Allah will show mercy to them. Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
42:38 "And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend."
3:152
And Allah had certainly fulfilled His promise to you when you were killing the enemy by His permission until [the time] when you lost courage and fell to disputing about the order [given by the Prophet] and disobeyed after He had shown you that which you love. Among you are some who desire this world, and among you are some who desire the Hereafter. Then he turned you back from them [defeated] that He might test you. And He has already forgiven you, and Allah is the possessor of bounty for the believers.