Do women really have to obey their husbands

[Sarah]

Peace

Wouldn't a loving husband want to be protective and kind with an equal as a wife whom they respect as a human being rather than an obedient servant? When a man says 'I want an obedient wife', it always sounds to me like it's coming from a place of ego and a cold heart rather than love. A loving man would say 'I want a loving wife' and would respect that he isn't the centre of her universe, rather God is and should be the centre of anyone's universe. She's an individual with goals, dreams, and a mind of her own. To be obedient is to have a slave-master relationship rather than a loving husband-and-wife relationship. This can also lead the man to disallow his wife to experience or pursue certain halal wants or needs because if she's not obeying him in every aspect of her life then apparently he's unhappy. This feels quite controlling. It feels wrong. A human being should not be controlled to the point where they can't recognise themselves anymore and become an extension of somebody else. To want an obedient wife is as if a man is treating her like a child and the man is the authority figure. That's different to say a healthy, loving male leader and best friend as a husband who wants to protect his wife.

It feels like someone with a 'military mindset' would want an obedient partner whilst someone whose psychology is functioning normally just wants someone loyal, loving, and feminine. Perhaps a bit submissive? But only if the woman loves him back, has that type of personality and it's consensual.

The above is my opinion. Is there Quranic evidence that women have to obey their husbands?

[amin]

"Do women really have to obey their husbands"

no, i dont think so.
Its not the way husband and wife relation should be, this is not natural, but the important thing needed is respect for each other's presence, ie. men respects women's strengths and her presence in the relationship and  vice-versa, from long time, men's ability is to act as a protector and women builds the family, but with modern and govt involvement, the protector role is almost diminished and individual men loosing their value in the family, and men acting like women and women acting like they do not need any protection, and this brings in ego issues with modern feminism creeping in disrupting the very old family system.

[Wakas]

peace,

Some use Quran verse 4:34 as justification but it is often poorly translated. For a better analysis I recommend:
http://www.quran434.com/wife-beating-islam.html#part2

And we can look at the criteria/recommendations for marriage, which include mutual consultation/agreement:
https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=40
One would ask if mutual consultation/agreement is a prerequisite for marriage why it would suddenly change with marriage into a dictator approach.

Has some overlap with this:
https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=42
https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=4
Imagine the arrogance to think Almighty God did not compel humans to believe/serve Him yet we are to believe the much lesser being the husband must be obeyed? I think not.

Obeyed with regard to Quranic content. Of course any believer can command another believer with regard to what is good as per Quran. We are free to choose whether to follow or not.

[jkhan]

Peace

Wouldn't a loving husband want to be protective and kind with an equal as a wife whom they respect as a human being rather than an obedient servant? When a man says 'I want an obedient wife', it always sounds to me like it's coming from a place of ego and a cold heart rather than love. A loving man would say 'I want a loving wife' and would respect that he isn't the centre of her universe, rather God is and should be the centre of anyone's universe. She's an individual with goals, dreams, and a mind of her own. To be obedient is to have a slave-master relationship rather than a loving husband-and-wife relationship. This can also lead the man to disallow his wife to experience or pursue certain halal wants or needs because if she's not obeying him in every aspect of her life then apparently he's unhappy. This feels quite controlling. It feels wrong. A human being should not be controlled to the point where they can't recognise themselves anymore and become an extension of somebody else. To want an obedient wife is as if a man is treating her like a child and the man is the authority figure. That's different to say a healthy, loving male leader and best friend as a husband who wants to protect his wife.

It feels like someone with a 'military mindset' would want an obedient partner whilst someone whose psychology is functioning normally just wants someone loyal, loving, and feminine. Perhaps a bit submissive? But only if the woman loves him back, has that type of personality and it's consensual.

The above is my opinion. Is there Quranic evidence that women have to obey their husbands?

Peace...

First one has to understand what a real obedience is....  No obedience is obedience when done without the willingness of heart... Love is obedience if love is true...
Real people or rather real couples are obedient to each other... Without being obedient to one another in situations where it matters there is no bond a pure relationship...  If one cannot tolerate obedience better be away from relationships where obedience does matter a lot..

True believer believers obey Allah... That's key... But in family life there are always matters that need to obeyed by either wife or husband to streamline matters or sometimes both agree and obey together.. Sometimes one of them obey and one may be reluctant ... But if one of them has take a decision for which one of them not obeying then there must be reason from both sides...  Let the decisions be right...
There is no other obedience between husband and wife other than making decisions where it matters.. Husband is not god or wife is not goddess to obey in a sense.. All obedience is only to God alone..

But marriage life is with mutual respect and willingly two hearts joined to live a life facilitating their burdens in life by sharing each other and to pass time with pleasure and be together in good and bad times.. For such relationship  to last obedience is key when it comes to making decisions.. It is very bad if all the decisions are taken one sided.. For example husband take all decisions and neglect all decisions of wife.. That's dictatorship...  That may perhaps suit if wife illiterate or fool so husband takes all decisions.. Since marriage life is a bond decisions should be taken with discussions ...thats works... Even after discussions if no concrete conclusions and if still needs a decision for the sake of proceeding further better decide by one person and the other be cooperative on the decision taken though he or she is not agreeing...

So obedience is part and parcel of marriage life...  Even in any life style which has a bond/connection...friendahip etc.. We obey but with knowledge and discussion...  Even in a government president may make the decision but better discuss with respective concerned.. So president obey and other obey...

So in my comprehensive understanding and looking back in the parents life  I do really think if a wife obey for everything to husband then she is a slave... My parents were obedient to each other in most of the time.. Lol.. And there is no relationship between them but mere dictatorship... In a simple language both should have a good mutual understanding and reflection and respect to both parties views and opinions so one may obey the decision of another... Or deny the decision by indicating the flaws..

In a nutshell no more obedience in a bond except in decision making.. But unfortunately men dictate terms in most marriage life.. That's pathetic... But if wife doesn't mind then it is not our concern.. Anyway it is a family life.. They married they should like how to maintain better relationship..  No need anyone to teach them...
Thank you...