Living in wife's house...

[jkhan]

Hello...  Everyone...
Salam..

65:6 "Lodge them where you lodge according to your means, and do not injure them in order that you may straiten them; and if they are pregnant, spend on them until they lay down their burden; then if they suckle for you, give them their recompense and enjoin one another among you to do good; and if you disagree, another (woman) shall suckle for him.

I just brought above verse just to start my topic... Perhaos may not befit literally this particular verse...

But my concern is as under...

1... Is it Okay husband lives in wife's house... It is not looking good for me... But any Quranic verse to support for /against it.. Pls..

2.. In case a divorced couple while wife is pregnant or on the verge of delivery or already has a. Infant just few days old and divorce is executed,  in that scenario according to Quran literally to whome the baby belongs... Or Quran is silent on that... In case she went on to marry another and move on.. So baby should be with some one... Why in the above verse is stated if they breastfeed baby FOR YOU? ... I know law of a country will be applied in such scenario... But what Quran Perhaps indicates to us..

3... Is it not that husband should feed/provide wife always and his children.. A husband should never depend on wife's  earning or property... I feel husband is the one who should take care always a family not from her pocket.. What Quran perhaps indicates...


4... Additionally.. What could be the core reason to pay Mahar to wife?  ..

Does man have more authority over a wife and children...
Just for my info and knowledge not to hurt anyone in this forum pls... Even without my knowledge if anyone is hurt I apologise in advance...

Is Quran absolutely silent in such critical matters or it explained in detail  or hinted indirectly.. Pls provide your view within quran..

Thank you.

[SarahY]

Salam,

Some thoughts.

1. There is no verse stating that you cannot, Some things are left open, do you not ponder about this? 4:12 you can inherit what your wife leaves after passing, if she doesn't have children or a will. Personally wouldn't want a man depending on me financially others may not mind.

2. Baby belongs to no-one but is both parent's responsibility to look after, children are a trial 63:15. Read surah luqman, read 17:31, wills should be written and include family.

Breastfeeding is commendable and basically a quranic right of every infant. Quran 2:233 calls on fathers to sponsor the mother in the first 2 years by providing their needs and clothing within their means, although it allows for earlier weaning of the child by mutual consent of both mother and father.  The same verse allows breastfeeding to be substituted by wet nursing and that the father should be generous towards to wet nurse.

Men can't breastfeed so women in this regard are doing men a favour by providing for their babies without their (men) financial powers.

3. It's the husband's role to provide yes. Doesn't mean he'd do a good job and doesn't mean the wife can supplement.

4. Mahr differs from culture to culture, person to person. It is purely a gift, can you find any reason? it shows commitment.

You could argue men have a bigger financial responsibility.

[jkhan]

 

Salam,

Some thoughts.

1. There is no verse stating that you cannot, Some things are left open, do you not ponder about this? 4:12 you can inherit what your wife leaves after passing, if she doesn't have children or a will. Personally wouldn't want a man depending on me financially others may not mind.

2. Baby belongs to no-one but is both parent's responsibility to look after, children are a trial 63:15. Read surah luqman, read 17:31, wills should be written and include family.

Breastfeeding is commendable and basically a quranic right of every infant. Quran 2:233 calls on fathers to sponsor the mother in the first 2 years by providing their needs and clothing within their means, although it allows for earlier weaning of the child by mutual consent of both mother and father.  The same verse allows breastfeeding to be substituted by wet nursing and that the father should be generous towards to wet nurse.

Men can't breastfeed so women in this regard are doing men a favour by providing for their babies without their (men) financial powers.

3. It's the husband's role to provide yes. Doesn't mean he'd do a good job and doesn't mean the wife can supplement.

4. Mahr differs from culture to culture, person to person. It is purely a gift, can you find any reason? it shows commitment.

You could argue men have a bigger financial responsibility.

Salam..

Yes.. God says to follow best of His verses  .. It has a meaning for it while all His verses are best... We have to choose according to situation. .Yes.. Men can stay in wife's house if we take the verses of Musa.. Coz it was not Musa who initiated the proposal and Musa had nothing at that time.. So stayed in her house perhaps.. But still dowry was given compensating it.. No reason a husband has to work for father in law for 8 years if musa had paid the due dowry to her.. Musa is not servant of father in law..  Yes.. Yes it may depend on how proposals reached....

I don't know what Mahr is within Quran . I don't see word Mahr unless I missed... But definitely men has to give accord to his means.. And if seems not simole amount.. God says those women who  escaped to disbelievers, then demand the dowry paid or even give the amount he paid when you get any war booty.. So it has much weight than We think.. Musa serving 8 long years is not a simple dowry. Dowry cannot differ culture to culture.. But it is a command of God for men to pay that he is affordable depending on his wealth... And Allah not even encourage marriage when financially weak. Women don't want a life to suffer.. She deserves better life having a life partner and giving her bodily pleasure and hard work of looking after children and even going through pregnancy etc... Women is not a toy just to marry and live a third class life.. But she deserves better life if men wants a women.  That's do obvious.  Otherwise don't marry and seek county of Allah so you can marry ...

Without have a custody no one can be genuinely responsible... Custody in the tone of God is clear to men...
Will is something else.  . Anythjng wife leaves means.. They both lived together and she died.. So definitely it belongs to those who are beloved to her.. Husband children parents etc.. But it doesn't mean one can go and live in all conditions in wife's house. In my country unfortunately among conventional Muslims men forcibly go and live in women's house and they make it their own.. And top of that most men takr dowry as well.. Then they go pray five times a day.. Lol.. Culture to culture cannot change God's law, if they are true believers..

If anyone read word by word all verses if marriage and divorces one will know where women stands and where men stands.. Women are to be made pleased... They should be pleased by husbands... And that the duty of husbands.. When women are pleased genuinely then husbands impulsively will be happy...

But in my understanding divorce after having a child is never stated by Allah..  Divorce no blame while not yet touched her or while she is not menstruating or pregnant etc.. Fine.. But big while you have a child already... I don't see.. If that is allowed. Gof would have  said about custody of children.. Coz a women have five children underaged and they divorce then you cannot find rules in Quran.. Coz Allah has never allowed it... Divorce while you are establishing the life coz you can realize whether you can continue it not the relationship... And don't let it develop and then decide puting all in trouble.. Suppose all five children if women took custody and Living with another husband and why would firmer husband take responsibility while he has no access to children or no benefit for him.. Children are pleasue and benefit for parents.. And God has taken right choice Letting for child to be given custody to men..

Suppose.. Why can't a. Woman hide that she is pregnant.. Well it's her baby.. Why to let know his husband who wants a divorce... If she hides means she can literally take care of the baby that's why she decides to hide.. But God has clarified.. Cannot hide.. And further with divorce chaptet not closed.. It continues.. Idda and breast feedung and do on...

[jkhan]

Marriage is a bond and divorce is a dissolution..
So according to 65:1 it is manifest (idda) and there are three conditions for divorce to be effected.. All are concerned with state of pregnancy.. Yes you are allowed to divorce women but these three conditions should be thoroughly verified.. Why?  Baby is the the root cause... Why baby is connected directly with divorce while people do divorce for many a reasons... Here custody is given much weight... That's why men are told to check with authority their idda... Even when one doubt then let her idda be three months.. When she says she is not menstruating let her wait 3 months and even pregnant until delivery... So.. Is there any other time one can divorce?  God has not permitted.. When marriage bond is developed and you have kids then no divorce.. Just live.. Coz all rules here for believers.. Right.. Not for disbelievers.. Believer should know how to behave when their marriage is developed to a stage where there is no separation is permitted.. Tolerate and and advice each other if there is issues coz it may be a test in life and not the option to divorce.. Divorce in the system of God is a mercy but only permitted while one develops his new relations and finding it tough.. So allowed divorce.. But not for matured couples.. That's far from true within God's system..

Suppose if the three menstrual conditions are not observed then no three months delay but directly divorce...

Suppose one would ask,  my wife is 55 and I am 58 and all our children are married.. Can we divorce..?  Ridiculous... Believers are given a right of choice in marriage life since things may not work out with newly married couples so God permitted but not always...

Simply we are not permitted to divorce as we want in Quran. Three conditions and that should meet.. Believers should have solutions in a matured life bond through marriage coz Quran has all solutions for them to be happy.. But newly wedded couple may struggle sometimes.. Partner mat not be a real believer and could be Munafiq.. Etc etc.. Newly wedded so there can be deceptions from either party.. But believers who extended their relationship should continue and find solutions to their marriage life issues..

That's my take from Quran and makes sense for me if both are positive believers  .

Thank you ...

[SarahY]

I think I understand the gist of what you are saying but I don't agree with your interpretation.

You can divorce in your fifties.

Read 65:4 it can be directed to many age groups.

People can drastically change and grow apart. It's up to 2 individuals to work things out and cooperate and commit to the relationship and people's growth/divergence.   

Every culture has practises and traditions. People are free to do as they wish so long as they don't violate the commands. When you observe injustices, you learn to be just for yourself, and you learn what you value and what you should or feel you should uphold. We can compare the practises of cultures all day long, ultimately adults need to make sound choices of what they decide to uphold with or without cultural pressures and the consequences of such. Not always easy.

Doing good even if you are barred from the pleasures/joys does not make the good deed nullified. That's just the ego talking. We're human so totally natural we want to give and enjoy but custody isn't clear cut, it seems like an extrapolation. 

[jkhan]

I think I understand the gist of what you are saying but I don't agree with your interpretation.

You can divorce in your fifties.

Read 65:4 it can be directed to many age groups.

People can drastically change and grow apart. It's up to 2 individuals to work things out and cooperate and commit to the relationship and people's growth/divergence.   

Every culture has practises and traditions. People are free to do as they wish so long as they don't violate the commands. When you observe injustices, you learn to be just for yourself, and you learn what you value and what you should or feel you should uphold. We can compare the practises of cultures all day long, ultimately adults need to make sound choices of what they decide to uphold with or without cultural pressures and the consequences of such. Not always easy.

Doing good even if you are barred from the pleasures/joys does not make the good deed nullified. That's just the ego talking. We're human so totally natural we want to give and enjoy but custody isn't clear cut, it seems like an extrapolation.

You have got 65:4 totally wrong.. It is not talking about an old woman who is not having menstrual cycles... But it talks about women who hides the truth so husband has a doubt so let them wait for 3 months..