I ended it, but I still miss him

[hakeema]

 :tempt:Assalamu ailaikum dear sisters and brothers,

Some time ago, I met a guy at work. He was very friendly and kind, and I developed some feelings for him. You may call it a crush, if you wish. I didn't do anything to show my interest in him at first, I just secretly hoped in my heart that one day we would end up together and get married (silly me!).
Then, one day, he starting showing more interest in me and we exchanged our social media contacts... I was over the moon!
He soon started texting me, and for a whole month it was a regular thing: every day, he would send me a silly joke, or a picture of what he was doing, a movie, etc.
And I answered every time... I got carried away, all the while knowing that having such a "relationship" with a guy was not exactly the most Islamic thing to do.
After chatting with him for so long I realized that, even though he was Muslim, he was not observant at all. He didn't pray, he cursed, he smoked, and he has even drunk some alcohol in the past.
So I got really scared that maybe he wasn't seriously interested in me like I was in him... maybe he saw me as an inexperienced girl, an "easy target", and thought of giving me a try.
I talked to my parents and they said that if he really had good intentions, he would be standing outside our door asking for my hand instead of sending me so many texts.
So I abruptly stopped answering his texts. Thank God, we don't have to interact much at work either, so it's been a while since I last spoke to him.

I know that I've sinned. Talking to a guy like this is not proper for a Muslim girl, and I feel so stupid for having done so.
I've asked Allah to forgive me over and over... I cried so much and got so depressed I wish I was dead.
Nonetheless, I still really like this guy. I miss our chats, and in those rare occasions in which we see each other in person at work I (unfortunately) can't help myself and keep being friendly to him, as if nothing happened.

I am trying my best to stay away from him, and to never repeat what I did again... but do you think I did the right thing in ending this "relationship"? What if he actually wanted to marry me, but when he saw I stopped answering him he thought I lost all interest in him? What if, through a relationship with me, he would have got closer to Allah and become a more observant Muslim?
I am so confused... I'm mad at myself for acting like a fool, and I am so worried that I will never find another man I'll be happy with.

Was I right in ending this relationship?

[Wakas]

w/salaam,

Welcome to the forum.

Firstly, I do not think simply having a private conversation with someone of the opposite gender is a sin: https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=8
Most here try to follow a Quran based islam and I'm not aware of anything in Quran forbidding such, see above.

I talked to my parents and they said that if he really had good intentions, he would be standing outside our door asking for my hand instead of sending me so many texts.

Whilst I see where they are coming from, their view is old school. In my view it is important to determine potential/compatibility first before pursuing a more formal route like they suggest.

What was his reaction to you stopping messaging him? If he was sincere and genuinely looking at you as a potential wife he would almost certainly have asked why AND more importantly tried to remedy the situation.

It's understandable you miss him etc and there is a lot of "what ifs" but time is a great healer. Focus on yourself, making yourself a batter person in as many aspects as you can. This is key, because like attracts like, a beautiful soul will find another beautiful soul irresistible. When you meet the right person you will come to know this.

Also I assume you are young so you've got plenty of time. Relax.

[Athar2022]

Walikum Salam Sister,
Your parents have more experience and have more right over you than any of us around here, you should be thankful to Allah that you were born and raised in such a family.
Allah and His Prophet (S.A.W.W.) has told us not to follow the footsteps of Satan,
it starts with little and ends up in something big and those scars remain with a Believer all of his or her life.
Nikah is the only way for us the Muslims my sister or daughter, you sound young to me, the age of my daughter, may Allah protect you.

[Fusion]

:tempt:Assalamu ailaikum dear sisters and
I know thatnd I am so worried that I will never find another man I'll be happy with.

Was I right in ending this relationship?

Some people come into your life and leave, a lesson learnt. Move forward. It’s not about why did you chat privately or carried away or your fear you shut him or the fear to find another man, it rather seems you are still developing the self confidence.. and through experience you can only move forward but positive thinking. Let. Bygones be bygones.. ..continue experiencing life as it unfolds but be careful and not overkill or over cautious…

[The Middle Path]

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I think you got good advice from other forum members.

Many muslim men and muslim women find it hard to navigate the modern dating world. But the advice I'm about to share might be empowering and helpful. Allow me to share a quote from a past post in this forum with you.

Peace,

My advice to single brothers and sister on free-minds is to stop looking for a wife or a husband.

My counsel to you is to do these things instead:

1) Focus on your purpose instead (e.g. spread the message and do good deeds). Additionally, focus on your work/career. If you want the opposite sex to be interested in you, you can attract a compatible partner by giving, growing and accomplishing something. You need to have something to bring to the table.
2) Put your trust in the most high in relation to finding or being guided to a compatible spouse. You will most likely find or be guided to a compatible spouse at the right time.Things take time. Be patient.
3) Dating is not necessary in order to get married. If you like someone, you only need to be friends before getting married. You can be friends and propose to someone without having had any romantic/physical relationship at all.
4) If you like someone, and logically and intuitvely (i.e. it feels right) can tell that someone is suitable for you, then that person is probably suitable for you. If it is against your logic/reason and it does not feel right to take the next step with regards to getting to know someone as more than a friend, then it is probably wrong to get to know that person as more than a friend. 
5) Last but not least, use the Quran as a criterion and a guide regarding to find out whether someone is suitable for (compatible with) you or not.