Author Topic: Kindness and personal experience  (Read 344 times)


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Kindness and personal experience
« on: July 04, 2021, 11:32:03 AM »

Being kind is important and I feel if everyone were kind to one another the world would be a much, better place. I believe God wants us to be kind to others. But I've been struggling with kindness and here's why.

In my own experience of trying to be kind to people, it was mostly easy when I was a child but it's been pretty tough in the past few years at work. I worked a minimum wage job and although many people are polite and or just ignore you, many also treat you like you're beneath them or worthless. I'm only talking about members of staff here as I did not work with the public. Members of staff who happened to have higher job status. The ones at the same level as I were polite or neutral mostly. So my default mindset was to be kind when it comes to interacting with people. Of course, I had other mindsets too like being professional. So in my journey of trying to be kind, I did my best to be easy-going, empathetic and friendly. People then start to laugh at you, think of you as weak, as having ulterior motives, some members of the opposite sex think you're flirting even if your intention is to literally be kind, empathetic or friendly. Some were straight-up cruel after I tried to be kind to them by saying hi with a friendly smile, they returned it with an extremely dirty look and cruelty. When being neutral for example making casual eye contact without a smile or frown, I've been given dirty looks by people in groups as well where they stand, stare and behave like a mob. This has caused me to be more selective of who I was kind to. It has caused social anxiety. It broke my heart but in a non-romantic way.

It seems most people only value kindness from people they respect in terms of worldly success be it job status or something similar. I started to keep to myself to avoid this. If I kept to myself it meant I'm not kind i.e. no saying hi or smiles with most people unless they said it first. I became extra quiet. With certain individuals who were mistreating me, cruel or unfriendly, I became assertive but sometimes also cold because it's the only way they would stop their unkindness. Kill them with kindness does not work on some people. Wherever I could, I did still try my best to be kind.

Shortly before I left the job I realised I didn't feel like myself whenever I was at work. I felt like a shell of myself. I subconsciously started to see myself in 3rd person if that makes sense because hardly anybody would speak to me or know my name but they would speak to each other. I also felt like I became a cold, quiet, unkind person even though I know deep down I am kind or at least trying to be. I felt like I was a bad submitter/Muslim because I 'felt' now I was not being who God wants me to be. But I also believe God doesn't want us to be taken advantage of. The Qur'an seems to teach us to not just be kind but also strategic and strong. There are certain cases I noticed where the Qur'an even teaches to not be kind when dealing with toxic types of folks.

If you've had similar experiences, how did you cope? Can you point to examples in the Qur'an where we are taught to be strong and assertive in everyday life?

Thank you,


'These are the verses of Allah which We recite to you in truth. Then in what statement (hadith) after Allah and His verses will they believe? (45:6)'

good logic

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Re: Kindness and personal experience
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2021, 12:37:00 PM »
Hello sister Sarah.

I like the subject of kindness. It makes me smile inside my heart.

I will tell you my experience with the people I interacted with and do interact with at present  Mainly my past workmates -I am retired now- and my family and friends.

Years ago, in my youth up to being 40, I was not aware of "proper kindness" from the heart, I was only aware of my kind of politeness that I projected through my feelings at the time. Sometimes I was kind deliberately, sometimes I was not kind deliberately, sometimes in between according to my moods of the day.

I took people for granted and used my selfish nature to gain what I was after. Of course this brought me both good and bad outcomes.

Over the years I gained more experience with different people and with different "me" . I was not consistent with my habits nor with treating people around me with trust and honesty..

My submission to GOD Alone took me on a journey to get to know myself, to search ,investigate and take a good look at how I do things and how I behave with people.

I find this sums up what I  have found" Treat others like you want to be treated ".

I had  to work on myself really hard to correct my attitude to life and people around me as well as strangers. Of course this requires me to be honest with myself then with others. Being positive and outgoing needs to go with being peaceful ,loving  with everyone whether you know them or not.

Of course I am still working on myself, I fail occasionally when I am angry or resentful or anxious...etc. To treat people the same is a difficult thing to do if we do not "unbrainwash" our mind and heart. from hate, jealousy,conflict...etc

I keep reminding myself to smile all the time and only say good words to people and do not invade their space and privacy and send good positive vibes to their radars/minds  Answer with good or silence ,never with harsh words or bad body language,but of course I struggle daily to manage this.

Hopefully I  am learning to say to myself I am on GOD s CCTV all the time-GOD is watching me 24/7. it helps mostly but as humans sometimes we fail.
Other people  are the best judge of how we treat them. It helps if we have doubts about our treatment of others to ask their opinion.

Just try your best to be kind with all those who are peaceful with you sister.
GOD bless you.
38:65″ Say:? I warn you; There is no other god beside GOD, the One, the Supreme.?


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Re: Kindness and personal experience
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2021, 04:07:47 AM »
Can you point to examples in the Qur'an where we are taught to be strong and assertive in everyday life?

This verse comes to mind:

"Oh you who believe, stand firmly for justice for the sake of God, even if it is against yourselves, your parents, or your family. Whether they be rich or poor, God is their Sustainer." (4:135)

I believe the principle of justice/kindness applies to all people including ourselves. We should value our own lives as well as the lives of others. Sometimes valuing our own lives can set an example to others.