Author Topic: Conduct, introversion and liking/disliking people  (Read 363 times)

Sarah

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Conduct, introversion and liking/disliking people
« on: November 24, 2020, 10:43:56 PM »
Peace

So I am an introvert. I tend to keep myself to myself as I find smalltalk meaningless and draining.

You know when you watch a movie in which there is a scene portraying 2 friends or people who really know each other inside out and they have a deep, MEANINGFUL conversation about something that is happening in their lives? That's what I naturally want to experience. So when someone comes up to me with a 'hi' said with an empty tone of voice, I am naturally put off. Of course I would always say hi back to be polite but I do not enjoy it.

If the person attempting to make smalltalk with me is also someone who has been rude time and time again, arrogant or something similar, I mostly avoid eye contact as I do not want to observe their energy. It's one way I avoid toxic people. Other times I do not make eye contact if I am shy or intimidated. I do not avoid making eye contact because I think I am superior or at least that is what I always try to avoid thinking. Other people regardless of who they are could be a better human being than me.

I came across this verse/s again today:

"And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses" (Qur'an 31: 18-19)

If I turn my face away from people who I find toxic and hurtful, I am not being prideful. Would you agree? I am just trying to protect my own emotions from energy vampires. When a person observes the toxic energy from hurtful people, it can lead to feeling depressed and anxious. I can sense the energy of people and also the way they treat me, if they mock me or behave like a narcissist or if they're being kind, gentle etc. although it's hard to sometimes know who is who. 

'These are the verses of Allah which We recite to you in truth. Then in what statement (hadith) after Allah and His verses will they believe? (45:6)'

jkhan

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Re: Conduct, introversion and liking/disliking people
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2020, 07:59:03 AM »
Peace

So I am an introvert. I tend to keep myself to myself as I find smalltalk meaningless and draining.

You know when you watch a movie in which there is a scene portraying 2 friends or people who really know each other inside out and they have a deep, MEANINGFUL conversation about something that is happening in their lives? That's what I naturally want to experience. So when someone comes up to me with a 'hi' said with an empty tone of voice, I am naturally put off. Of course I would always say hi back to be polite but I do not enjoy it.

If the person attempting to make smalltalk with me is also someone who has been rude time and time again, arrogant or something similar, I mostly avoid eye contact as I do not want to observe their energy. It's one way I avoid toxic people. Other times I do not make eye contact if I am shy or intimidated. I do not avoid making eye contact because I think I am superior or at least that is what I always try to avoid thinking. Other people regardless of who they are could be a better human being than me.

I came across this verse/s again today:

"And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster. And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the braying of the asses" (Qur'an 31: 18-19)

If I turn my face away from people who I find toxic and hurtful, I am not being prideful. Would you agree? I am just trying to protect my own emotions from energy vampires. When a person observes the toxic energy from hurtful people, it can lead to feeling depressed and anxious. I can sense the energy of people and also the way they treat me, if they mock me or behave like a narcissist or if they're being kind, gentle etc. although it's hard to sometimes know who is who.

Peace Sarah...

Very interesting to read the way you have explained... Pretty sad and pretty happy also after reading...

Hope you will get a better answer from someone...  I wish peace within yourself...
God is with you sister... I applaud your honesty..

Jafar

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Re: Conduct, introversion and liking/disliking people
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2020, 01:51:55 PM »
There is nothing wrong (or good) of being an introvert.
As there is nothing wrong (or good) of being an extrovert.

I've shared with you on your other thread that what goes around comes around.
When you continuously judge others you will continuously judged your own self and when you understood others you will understood your own self.

The reverse is also true;
When you continuously judge your own self you will continuously judged others and when you understood your own self you will understood others.

It's not wrong to feel 'pride', and do not be afraid with it, but understand it.
Ask why... why you feel the need to sense the feeling of pride in the first place?

Again it can also work in reverse, it's not bad for other people to feel pride about themselves but understand it.
Why... why they have need to feel pride in the first place?

You will then can understand when you sense 'pride' coming out from other self.
And not judging them of doing so, or let alone feeling 'drained' or 'disgusted' by it.

Lionel Messi will not goes around bragging about his football skills, because he knew how good he is at football. He does not have any 'insecurity' on that aspect.

Donald J Trump on the other hand, bragged about how good president he is. The latest he bragged about Dow Jones index which actually has nothing to do with him being a president. It shows that he has an 'insecurity' on that aspect, being a president, or actually being a person in general. He continuously judging himself and once he found something within himself which is not 'good' according to him he tried to protect it with any action that he can. Including trying to paint an alternate reality about what actually happened to protect his own self of feeling 'guilt' by his own self-imposed judgement. #losing #doNotMeetOtherExpectation.

If only he understood that losing is normal, do not meet other people's expectation is normal, there's nothing wrong with that, he would behave differently.

But let's try to understand more about him.
Why is he so? It's because he was continuously judged by others, throughout his lifetime. It might happened as early as his childhood, by his own parents, by his own siblings, by his own friends. He clinged on to those 'bad' memories like an anchor, not letting it go and try to avoid as much as possible of experiencing the same thing in the future. And as a mean of protection he tried to paint different image which is not the authentic image of his own self.

Driving it back home..to our own self.
Thus when you feel any 'bad' feelings within you, (fear, insecurity, hate, sadness etc..) first accept it, don't judge it, there's nothing wrong with it in the first place. And then ask your own self 'why'... find the root causes and then try to release it. Don't clinged on to it, just accept it and let it go.

Accepting is healing, Forgiving is healing,
Every thing that you do to others you actually doing it to your own self.
Thus you can also change the way you treat yourselves by changing the way you treat others.
Or when you change the way you treat yourselves you will also eventually change the way you treat others.

No right or wrong, it's your own choices.