Author Topic: The Young Marriage of Aishah  (Read 6827 times)

zenje

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The Young Marriage of Aishah
« Reply #20 on: December 06, 2003, 07:19:20 PM »
New Yorkers?
If they turn away, then Say: "God is enough for me, there is no god but He, in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the great throne." [9:129]

TheNabi

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The Young Marriage of Aishah
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2003, 08:11:53 PM »
Peace Dnm

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Although I know you are going to ridicule the following, with no understanding whatsoever. And you probably are going to make even more harsh statements then before, I still want to demonstrate that the most of the world doesnt share the views concerning marriage, morality, sexuality of the newyorkers.


You do not know anything that I will choose to do in the future which happens to be the here and now in my case.  :wink:  I do not wish to ridicule you, or anyone else. I understand that the world is made up of numerous cultures and it is foolish to judge one culture based on your own, this is called ethnocentrism. I'm judging this cultural practice of marrying a child, in light of the Quran.  :wink:

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My grandmother from mothers side was 11 when she gave birth to the oldest of my 5 uncles. She had lost her mother very early and her father gave her in marriage to my grandfather at age 10.


What culture was your grandmother from? I need to research the history of this particular culture.

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My grandfather was over 25 years old.


Was he a thinking man? Which head did he think with?

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He had no own land so he had to go work other peoples land, sometimes he would go weeks.


I believe this is common with most people on earth. I do not own any land on this earth, but I rent the land from those who have a monopoly over it.  :wink: Most people work for other's usually for most of their adult lives to rent out their homes and to pay rent, etc.

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Meanwhile my grandmother raised his children. A few years later my grandfather immigrated to Belgium, and could take her with him only after about 2 years. Meanwhile she had another child (he visited during these 2 years). Once they all were here she had 3 other children, one of wich is my mother. My grandfather died in 1984, and she never remarried and she still loves him very much and misses him everyday.


This is common with many widowed women, they will not remarry based on the feelings they've had with their spouse, whereas men are most likely to remarry for companionship.  :wink:

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Meanwhile all her children are married with children. She has over 25 grandchildren, and some of them have also children on their turn. We all visit her as much as we can and love her very much. She lives now with one of my uncles (the youngest).


You guys seem to come from a culture where the extended family is still common place and the elderly are revered.

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So was she 'molested' , was my grandfather a chester ?


Yes your grandfather was a chester, but this does not mean he molested your grandmother. She did not choose to marry him though.  :wink:  Perhaps your grandfather grew on her. There can be numerous reasons explaining her attachment to him. Maybe she did grow to love him as she matured.

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Or did she comply with your mentioned criteria. It depends on how you look at it doesnt it ?


No she did not comply with my mentioned criteria and it does depend on how you look at it, but is your grandmother/grandfather's relationship based on enlightenment from the Quran?

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Or more accuratly it depends on the person looking at it. I myself have been born and raised here, in the middle of Europe, in the middle of western civilization, while it fully devoloping and revolutionazing its ideas about sexuality morality and marriage.


I've never heard of europeans marrying 9 year old women...I mean girls. In my study people of the past in Europe, from the Middle ages and the Renaissance, often married women at around 16 years of age. Western Europe has based it's sexual morality on the works of humanists from the Rennaisance and late Middle Ages.

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This story was very alien to me when I first heard it from her mouth. I felt sorry for her. But I realise, she is most happy with her life. She was most happy with my grandfather. So my feeling sorry was just my problem. My preconcieved ideas, wich are heavily influenced by my envoriment objected to the story at first. But if you look at it from her perspective she wouldnt have wanted another life.


She is wise to understand that we should accept the lives we have lived and live to be the best we can be based on what we have learned from experience. I see that your grandmother was given, not of her own accord, in marriage to a man who was old enough to distinguish between childhood, adolescence, and maturity. That is assuming that your grandfather was a man who did not have mental problems, no insult intended, just trying to analyse your family's traditions and ways.

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I figure you are feeling also sorry for her, and you have difficulty understanding it. Thats perfectly normal, for you are living in newyork and the social setting finds this strange and unnacceptable.


New York is a global village, that is, there are numerous cultures living together in one setting. We will all have difficulty understanding a foreign culture, this is normal. Those who wish to learn will not look at another culture through a single lenses, but through the lenses of the culture they are studying.  :D

Am I feeling sorry for your grandmother? No. It is a life she has come to terms with, why should I feel sorry for her?

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But know that not everyone lives in newyork, ie share your values and ideas concerning these matters. In case you want resort to name-calling know that I am not advocating it either, I'm just saying its possible some people or cultures find it acceptable. And if there is no Quranic reason to prohibit it, so be it acceptable for them.


Please referrnce the culture of your grandmother and grandfather so that I may study the history of such cultures and see where such marriage traditions were initiated, practiced, and originated.

I do not find your grandparents relationship in agreement with the Quranic injunction. Again your grandmother does not meet all the requirements of maturity at 9 years old, whether she happened to be in her period, or not.

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So once again, if there is no Quranic prohibition I see no reason to say what my grandparents did was wrong. Do you ?


No I would not, but since I see reasonable doubt in your assessment I do.

Take care.

Joe
All information in my posts is correct to the best of my knowledge only and thus should not be taken as a fact. One should seek for verification & knowledge. ~> [3/190-191; 17/

zenje

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The Young Marriage of Aishah
« Reply #22 on: December 07, 2003, 09:27:11 AM »
Salaam dnm, Nabi & all,
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And if there is no Quranic reason to prohibit it, so be it acceptable for them.

So in a unique/freak situation a girl got her period when she was 7, it would be ok to marry her and consummate the marriage?
In Africa, where people still follow old (unquestioned) cultures, where you can marry someone you never met and age is not an issue... there is no such thing as a 9-year old girl getting married. Now it's different when a girl is spoken for when she's that age and gets married at 17. But in no way is she even touched during that time. My grandmother who is from this culture was married when she was 14, and even at that time (1930s) it wasn't so 'normal'.
Peace.
If they turn away, then Say: "God is enough for me, there is no god but He, in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the great throne." [9:129]