Author Topic: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?  (Read 2740 times)

Rahma

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An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« on: August 28, 2019, 09:51:42 AM »
I wish peace, blessings, and happiness upon you all.

Before I begin, I'd like to point out that I am not a shitty troll. My post is in earnest and I'd like to hear soothing, supporting words, anecdotes ... just about anything comforting ... from any and every one. Thanks.

Here it goes:

I am in a mess. I have been in a mess for almost a decade now. And by this mess I imply spiritual mess. Idk where I stand with God. As much as I want to believe in a benevolent creator, I get pushed away. And idk why this keeps happening to me. My story goes something like this:


I was born into a Muslim, Sunni family. My faith was strong and my belief in Quran, God, Muhammad was all great ... why wouldn't it be? I believed everything that my family portrayed as true ... I honestly didn't have the time or knowledge to question anything. However, by whatever stroke of luck, at age 19, I became genuinely interested in seeking and nourishing my relationship with Allah. I was sincere at that, but like all stories go, I was horrified by hadith literature and hadith influenced Quran. This was the first time I was carefully reading the scripture, and I was shaken to the core. I had issues with everything. My faith was so much more tested with the stuff I was studying in my undergrad. I was more or less agnostic because of this ... not because I was wanted to be, but because I couldn't fathom God, evil, and muslim scriptures with their odd stories. My existential anxiety turned into major depression ... I could not see the world without God, and yet the world more or less believed in no god at all.

By another stroke of luck I happened upon a Quran Alone group on facebook - I was relieved. Phew. I had been saved. Perhaps there was a way out. My anxiety subsided. And yet my faith was not "full" as it was when I was 18 all those years ago. I still had some issues with some verses --- I did not understand the Quran fully, nor did I fake to be a scholar --- but I always gave it my best. I read and re-read. I spent time on Arabic. I did what I could. And I stayed away from all "sins".

Push couple of more years and my anxiety peaked again, as I thought more and more about the world and its people. I just couldn't understand how each one of us could reach the idea of one god when most of us are never exposed to it. Progress of science and its commitment to erasing God has been no help. It just pushes people further off when they're already on thin ice. And yet I hung on to my faith. A faith that was in my heart but not in my questioning mind. I hoped that there was a God who witnessed my struggle and would eventually answer me. I remained committed to good and reading Quran.

But now it's been a year of so much pain and anxiety I have had to see a therapist to be re-assured that everything will be alright. I am on such thin ice that I can barely stand - I am afraid my faith will shatter and so will I. I don't know how to find God ... and which God do I find?

Everyone claims to have found God. You ask muslims, christians, jewish folks, hindus, sikhs, animists, gnostics, whichever denomination you pick claims to have found God and to have guidance. This only goes on to confirm the evolutionary theory of religion - we all have a spot(s) in our brain that makes us feel spiritual and then we attach it to whatever cultural/religious beliefs we have. This really depresses me --- how am I to ever know that I have the true God in mind and heart, when all I am doing is depending on very subjective experiences and modes of knowledge?

The concept of shirk depresses me even more. Most non-muslim folks seek God in earnest; they feel it within themselves; next thing they do is associate with God whatever cultural notions of God they have. Their notion of God is as much as their religion offers them. Nothing more, nothing less. A Christian --- even a very rational one who believes in truths of science --- after seeking and feeling God ends up believing in Jesus' help. Are they to be blamed? That's the language/mode of knowledge they have to reach God.

I wish I could understand the world and God better. My questions are too many and answers quite nil. I have no answer for anything. My psychologist tells me my need for God/faith is a human need that the brain/years of evolution and cultural thought puts on me. I am in agreement with this; and yet I know I have a mind that questions regardless of this need the nature and existence of God. My heart yearns to believe in a creative force despite evil and suffering that pervades the world. I am sure I have justifications for all this. And yet my mind is troubled about "which God". And even if the god I believe in is solely a palliative figment of my thoughts.

I am so confused and upset ---- each believing individual is at peace with God, no matter which religion they belong to. Either God exists in the brain or God sees no religion and offers comfort to all regardless of denominations and rituals. How do I reach out to God? How do I hear back from the creative force? How will I ever know that it's the authentic voice? I could have sworn as a Sunni my comfort and faith was authentic ...

Guys, this post is in earnest. I am a parent and spouse, and my depression and lack of faith has pushed me away into a corner. I need comforting words. How do I come back to God? Sometimes I feel God has locked my heart for doubting and questioning so much. But I have only doubted because I have rarely ever received proper answers. I envy people who have rock solid faith in this day and age. I am just so lost. I do not even know where I went wrong ... perhaps in questioning everything? But I only did so to have better faith and understanding ... But alas! All's lost. Unlike others, I did not gain insight into God or life; instead, I lost whatever morsel of hope I had.


I hope people who have gone through something similar will have words to share. How do you guys get back on track? How do you get back to God? How do learn to trust your heart and ignore the musings of the brain? Just how do you guys have faith and I do not?

Thanking you all in earnest,
A sleepless agnostic believer on thin ice

quincy

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2019, 10:27:25 AM »
Be aware of your importance - your over-thinking guided you into that state of confusion. What will truly set you free is the objective Truth - the Truth of your potential power to tame those forces which are putting you into that loop of self doubt and depression. Face your demons and banish them - clear your thoughts and connect to the Higher Self through clearing your mind from the illusion of fear.

Blessings and prayers for you brother!

spodacus

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2019, 10:30:37 AM »
Salam have you ever considered it might be better to stop "searching" and let whatever you are searching for come to you? Sounds like you might be hitting some mental burnout with so many thoughts going on at once plus your responsibility to your family and job. I'd take a break from constantly analyzing the path you are on and just absorb the life experiences instead with the understanding that if a God exists He will show you the signs you are looking for. I lived my life not worrying about anything and yet I was "guided" to a certain understanding of Islam and God. By "guided" I don't mean I received a concrete sign per say but rather I saw multiple understanding about a subject and let time and wisdom filter out things that didn't make sense. What I believed when I was 15 years old isn't what I believe now at 39. And it doesn't bother me one bit nor do I ever think I was on the wrong path. To question and realign your understanding over time IS the right path.

spodacus

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2019, 10:31:10 AM »
a

Rahma

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2019, 10:41:34 AM »
Face your demons and banish them - clear your thoughts and connect to the Higher Self through clearing your mind from the illusion of fear.



How do you do this exactly?

Rahma

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2019, 10:47:52 AM »
Salam have you ever considered it might be better to stop "searching" and let whatever you are searching for come to you? Sounds like you might be hitting some mental burnout with so many thoughts going on at once plus your responsibility to your family and job. I'd take a break from constantly analyzing the path you are on and just absorb the life experiences instead with the understanding that if a God exists He will show you the signs you are looking for. I lived my life not worrying about anything and yet I was "guided" to a certain understanding of Islam and God. By "guided" I don't mean I received a concrete sign per say but rather I saw multiple understanding about a subject and let time and wisdom filter out things that didn't make sense. What I believed when I was 15 years old isn't what I believe now at 39. And it doesn't bother me one bit nor do I ever think I was on the wrong path. To question and realign your understanding over time IS the right path.


I appreciate you suggestion. Within this decade I have done that. I have had a year or two here and there where I completely gave up and operated on faith, but my doubts and questions have rarely been answered. Or if they have been, I may have missed the signal. Idek what i am looking for now! It's just that after a while worries keep building on and I lose sight of hope, purpose, and will. I am indeed exhausted! I can barely make it to the next day ...

spodacus

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2019, 11:08:45 AM »
Salam the fact that you are worried about these things in a world where people have lost their connection to a spiritual side is a good sign in and of itself that you are not going to be "abandoned".

Rahma

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2019, 11:19:44 AM »
Salam the fact that you are worried about these things in a world where people have lost their connection to a spiritual side is a good sign in and of itself that you are not going to be "abandoned".

My faithless, skeptic mind tells me I am just hanging on to the last straw and I will eventually lose it.

Honestly can't wait to feel the comfort of God ... I really need it. I don't think I can hang in any longer. I am losing my sanity.

good logic

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2019, 11:40:27 AM »
Peace Rahma.

This may or may not help .I hope you find time to read all of it. Some of it may not apply to you. Or may be all of it will be of no use to you. I apologise in advance if it is of no use.

Allow me to share it with you-My views about these basic topics- see headings above each one-:

On types of people:
1-There is a difference between one who believes(really and sincerely  believes -totally loyal and committed to GOD), one who does not believe and one who believes on their terms and conditions ( Their loyalty shifts to whatever suits their ego)

2- GOD said Qoran guides and misguides depending on what type of person ( 1).

3- How can Qoran be clear and simple to all these different types of people? If it was,and no one had any doubt whatsoever there will be no need for a test. The matter will be settled.

4- We are meant to ponder/study/read/learn Qoran relying on GOD Alone for explanation , be patient and persevere no matter how long it takes. Do not rush it and say my Lord give me more knowledge.

5- We are blessed by this “Internet” with good and bad things in it. Translations galore,all sorts of views. Pick the best and keep checking with your Lord to help you choose  what agrees with Qoran s message. It is hard work and a long journey.
There is no easy answer . You have to keep checking /analysing/studying/…
May the Lord keep us on task to answer His call and  help us redeem ourselves.

On those who want to find the truth:
I hope you are sincerely trying to find out the truth, my advice to you is please ,please give Qoran some value and attempt to find out what its message is. This is my opinion.
You can disregard my opinion, you are free to ask anything you want, I am just concerned and want you to be aware of the following:
Qoran says:”Check all information”, each one of us is accountable on the day of judgement .
No one will have any valid excuse?
In fact , we cannot blame anyone according to Qoran, everything is being recorded with each individual:

[Qoran 69:18] On that day, you will be exposed, nothing of you can be hidden.
[Qoran 69:19] As for the one who receives his record with his right hand, he will say, “Come read my record.
[Qoran 69:20] “I did believe that I was going to be held accountable.”
[Qoran 69:25] As for him who is given his record in his left hand, he will say, “Oh, I wish I never received my record.
[Qoran 69:26] “I wish I never knew my account.….Qoran 78:27] They never expected to be held accountable.

Qoran 18:49] The record will be shown, and you will see the guilty fearful of its contents. They will say, “Woe to us. How come this book leaves nothing, small or large, without counting it?” They will find everything they had done brought forth. Your Lord is never unjust towards anyone.
[Qoran 50:16] We created the human, and we know what he whispers to himself. We are closer to him than his jugular vein.
[Qoran 50:17] Two recording (angels), at right and at left, are constantly recording.
[Qoran 82:10] Oblivious to the fact that there are (invisible) keepers around you.
[Qoran 82:11] They are honest recorders.
[Qoran 82:12] They record everything you do.
[Qoran 39:69] Then the earth will shine with the light of its Lord. The record will be proclaimed, and the prophets and the witnesses will be brought forth. Everyone will then be judged equitably, without the least injustice.
[Qoran 23:62] We never burden any soul beyond its means, and we keep a record that utters the truth. No one will suffer injustice.
[Qoran 17:13] We have recorded the fate of every human being; it is tied to his neck. On the Day of Resurrection we will hand him a record that is accessible.
[Qoran 17:14] Read your own record. Today, you suffice as your own reckoner.
[Qoran 17:71] The day will come when we summon every people, together with their record. As for those who are given a record of righteousness, they will read their record and will not suffer the least injustice.
[Qoran 58:6] The day will come when God will resurrect them all, then inform them of everything they had done. God has recorded everything, while they have forgotten it. God witnesses all things.
[Qoran 45:28] You will see every community kneeling. Every community will be called to view their record. Today, you get paid for everything you have done.
[Qoran 45:29] This is our record; it utters the truth about you. We have been recording everything you did.
[Qoran 21:94] As for those who work righteousness, while believing, their work will not go to waste; we are recording it.

I hope I am wrong in reminding you to ask questions because you sincerely want to learn and understand Qoran s message. If you are sincerely wanting to know, I apologise. Do it your way.

On GOD and people s choices/decisions:

People want it both ways. They reject GOD and blame him at the same time!!! It does not make sense:
Forgive my words in brackets, or ignore them altogether, but they are my understanding of why disasters exist.

13:31″Even if a Koran ( or any scripture from GOD) caused mountains to move or the earth to tear asunder. or the dead to speak. ( The majority of people will not believe in it!) Those who believe will need to realise that if GOD willed, HE could have guided all the people.( But every individual needs to make that decision by himself, GOD will not force you to believe; Even though) GOD controls all things. The disbelievers ( and idol worshippers) will continue to suffer disasters as a consequence of their own works. ( and bad decisions! If you do not want GOD -your creator- to be part of your life, do not blame HIM for your disasters!) Or have disasters strike close to them. ( because of what others, close to them ,are doing- the decisions they are taking-) Until GOD s promise is fulfilled. GOD will never change the predetermined destiny.( Every human is allowed a lifetime- Short or long- to make their own decision!)

With GOD : No disasters/sufferings…etc.
Without GOD : disasters/sufferings…etc created by bad decisions /injustice/oppression…

Sorry about the long post.
GOD bless you.
Peace.
TOTAL LOYALTY TO GOD ALONE.   IN GOD I TRUST

38:65″ Say:? I warn you; There is no other god beside GOD, the One, the Supreme.?

 http://www.total-loyalty-to-god-alone.co.uk/website-pages/good-logic/

quincy

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Re: An ardent cry of help! Someone, please?
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2019, 12:25:36 PM »

How do you do this exactly?

first step is opening your heart to the creator of the heavens and the earth - if your cry is sincere, he will remove from you the evil. you need to purify your thoughts. which can only be achieved through Most Highs help.