Author Topic: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?  (Read 2724 times)

HP_TECH

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Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« on: June 08, 2017, 02:39:22 AM »
For quite a while now I have known a certain young woman from my university. We have been friends for years and now we have both graduated together!
During these years I have gotten to know her more and more. She is an incredible person. She is very talented, humorous, intelligent, studious, especially kind and well-mannered. Her personality is off the charts not to mention she is very easy on the eye. The chemistry is definitely there, when we're together she's my Sara Silverman and I'm her Dave Chapelle, we're the two funniest people in the world. The chemistry is definitely there, we are comfortable around each other. I truly see her as a special person.
There is only ONE thing.... she is super Catholic! I mean like for graduation everyone decorated their caps and guess what she put on hers? Jesus and a cross... ugghhh....
And it's not like I haven't tried to introduce her to the deen. It did not go over well at the time. Anyway, she seems unwavering in her convictions.
I can really see myself with this person her humility and kindness give me hope that perhaps she may reform. She seems chaste as well as far as I can gather.

I mean it's quite obvious I won't even consider marriage until I am convinced without a shred of doubt that she is a believer.
However, I do not want to become more invested in this especially since we might be going our separate ways as we both enter new chapters in our lives. I have a feeling that she wants to see where things can go, but I do not want to give hope where there is no future.

Is it wise to continue our friendship,chaste romance and patiently await for her self-reformation?
Or should I nip it in the bud and seek to only consider those who are already believers?

I think I could eventually be okay with cutting ties but I think I may be starting to REALLY like her... I mean I kinda have for years now had a crush on her on and off.

This girl has got my nose wide open ranting on a forum sheesh

Your consult would be much obliged


DISCLAIMER: I have been completely chaste with her and intend to keep at it
إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِي

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Wakas

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2017, 03:44:46 AM »
Have you asked her open questions about her faith, e.g. what would it take to change your mind regarding your beliefs? what kind of evidence would you accept?

From my experience, a person can be intelligent academically and generally but when it comes to faith they can often throw logic/reason in the bin. Not good if that is her approach.


If there is no glimmer of rational monotheism, no point in pursuing it in my opinion.
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SarahY

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2017, 04:03:36 AM »
If you continue with your friendship or halal-date you'll probably become more invested in her and if she doesn't reform to how you wish you'll prob be gutted.

If I was in your position, I know I'm interested just hate that she's catholic well I wouldn't date because well what next.. Hope she changes (unlikely)? Accept that things wont change and deal with the challenges ahead (that's a tough one)? or give it all up and be heart broken? too much risk.

I would prob just stay as friends and keep my options open. Maybe try having convo's on religion. If there is no openness or willingness to learn/listen or seek I would look elsewhere. 

Alternatively you could be open and honest on your views about her but struggle with the idea of her being Catholic and wouldn't your views be in conflict with hers, if not why not? maybe that could open up religious discussion maybe not.

As the saying goes follow your heart but take your brain with you - sometimes it's easier said than done.. I know.

Congrats on your graduation

All the best

Salam
We all have blind spots.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
ambiguity is there for a reason, why do you think?
We're all different, so how can we all be equal?

good logic

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2017, 04:25:01 AM »
GOD says clearly in Qoran that the Jews ,Christians,...Any religion,if one believes in GOD and accountability on the day of judgement,they have no fear nor grieve.
What do you want her to become?
I would suggest you ask GOD directly and act on your instinct and feel.
GOD bless.
Peace.
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Aladin

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2017, 04:37:31 AM »
She should be a daughter of ones near to el-Kitab, if she's not of muslimat.
el-insan + el-jaann = ins

Maha

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2017, 05:35:30 AM »
I think that you should talk to her in a direct but respectful way about your concerns. Believe me, its much easier to share your concerns directly when you are not invested yet so you should definitely take the opportunity, and since you can be direct in a respectful way it shouldn't be of any problem whatsoever.
 
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imrankhawaja

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2017, 10:43:39 AM »
brother my only advice is .. if you both really love eachother than dnt bring religion inside it..

even if you married with someone who claimed to be muslim their methodology of sunnism is quite similar with catholism..
just the characters are different..

and i feel whatever religion somebody inherited its difficult to change it due to multiple reason same like when a adopted kid get to know about the parents .. so all these religions God will judge their heart and their actions.. 

even some where in quran the followers of jesus christ , when things clarified to them jesus ask God to do whatever you want to do with them.. its mean who are misinformed by their priests,mullahs and were sincear from heart will have reason to fight their case in the court of God.. rest God knows best..

the decision of marriage is not a child play one should not haste in it for better outcomes..

may God bless all of brother and sisters..

HP_TECH

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2017, 02:36:33 PM »
Thank you everyone for your responses. I sincerely appreciate your inputs. I wanted to wait some time to reply until I sorted out my situation and feelings.

I have taken into account most of what you all advised and I kinda blew off meeting with the person until we eventually things cooled way down, I can now see that pursuing anything with her is a waste of time.
إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِي

My Lord I repent to you for anything I uttered concerning You for which I have no knowledge of. Indeed You are the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful

A Submitter

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2017, 03:30:32 PM »
Thank you everyone for your responses. I sincerely appreciate your inputs. I wanted to wait some time to reply until I sorted out my situation and feelings.

I have taken into account most of what you all advised and I kinda blew off meeting with the person until we eventually things cooled way down, I can now see that pursuing anything with her is a waste of time.
God-willing you find someone better, brother.  :pr
God knows best.

HP_TECH

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Re: Is it wise to halal date a non-muslim?
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2017, 07:02:08 PM »
Yeah God willing.
Indeed He does brother!
إِنَّنِي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِي

My Lord I repent to you for anything I uttered concerning You for which I have no knowledge of. Indeed You are the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful