This video is about 13 minutes long a little chatty, but I think it pinpoints the sentiment I was speaking of in my original post. I would like to dissect this further as watching this video brought out some ideas for me that could maybe start a discussion.
If you don't feel like watching the whole thing it is basically two muslim convert women speaking on their personal experiences on why they don't want to have any physical contact with men who are not family/husbands. They seem be very level headed people, and articulate their ideas well. Both come from western culture and so had to make a conscious decision in their thinking processes not to stick out their hand for a handshake or maybe give male friends hugs. One of the girls explains how she was an affectionate person before Islam and just liked to be in peoples' space and hug and handshake, all as friendly gestures but since being a convert for 3 years she no longer does...even if it is a professional situation such as shaking the hand of the male parent of her school children (as she is an educator). The ladies then go on to give ways for muslimahs to avoid doing such things in a polite manner so as not to offend...westerners or whoever may be offended by them not wanting to touch hands.
I thought this command was somewhere in the Quran (but upon watching the first 60 seconds of this vid) it is actually a hadith. And I know most people on this forum don?t consider the hadith God?s (swt) word..but I think some people may not mind the hadith as long as it doesn?t disagree with the Quran??? since I am not sure who is who reading this post?and I want to look at the situation fairly ?I am acknowledging it is a hadith. Anyway, as the ladies say that the hadith reads, the Prophet (pbuh) was observed as never having touched any women who was not his wife(ves). When men accepted Islam it was customary to shake hands?but he never did with women who converted to Islam (as I experienced during my shahada a month ago). This is to not ?invite? shaytan into any moment of our lives?and I guess, since all men are biologically attracted to all women and all women biologically attracted to all men, even something as a handshake could lead a thought, or lust or anything. Therefore it is a way to be modest. Which as we know from dissecting the scripture on ?hijab? is a requirement of women and men. Therefore the importance of this to me is shaking hands =/= modest which means I am disobeying God (swt). ?!
Here is the video link please watch if you can:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScTqJaAwIxYthings I find interesting/uncertain:
-when I first heard this, I maybe thought in the back of my mind it was a cultural thing?i.e) some cultures find eye contact rude, or waving to greet someone rude, etc? but clearly it is not since it was okay for the Prophet to shake the hand of new male converts. I?ve been around middle eastern people and I noticed that when the men greet (if they are close friends, family) they do the air kisses on the cheeks or hug, women the same (with other women) so in my mind the middle eastern culture (and I use middle eastern as the leading example not because all Muslims are middle eastern but because the Prophet lived in such a culture) isn?t one of those cultures who finds physical contact in terms of greeting someone or saying goodbye to be rude. Which I think is an important distinction. Now of course there are some cultures that pop into my head like maybe French culture or Italian culture, Greek culture, Latin American/ or Hispanic culture, where is it the norm for men women children to hug, kiss, handshake, all of that when greeting one another---it almost seems to be required in any situation and if you don?t then you are considered rude. Western culture, it seems appropriate to mainly shake hands in all situations, and hugs and cheek kisses are only reserved for close accquaintences, family. And finally some culture I can think of where handshaking is considered rude,, Chinese culture, maybe Japanese to an extent?
-the very first thing I noticed, that sort of rubbed me, was during the introduction of the video, the ladies named some examples of ways to be more modest. I noticed one mentioned ?not touch men, not to wear extravagant makeup?. To me, she was implying that it is okay to wear some makeup, as long as it is not too much. My point here is not the fact of make up or no make up, but that modesty is not a clear cut, black and white, yes or no issue. It inherently has a scale. So how can you say, oh it is okay to wear makeup, but not ?extravagant? which means different things to different people. Im sure some would say since the hijab that these girls are wearing are not black, and they aren?t wearing niqab, they are not modest. But this is important because modesty is prescribed upon us?but knowing the parameters/limits was not decreed so clearly. Therefore I do not feel that ANY person can make absolute statements about ?what is and what is not? modest unless they can be 100% sure that the things in that to do/to do not list came directly from God Almighty. I know these girls are just stating an opinion (and in a very nice way) but I just wanted to use it for my point.
-ok so while I was watching this video, I felt that the ladies had a point. Sure not touching men who aren?t family/husband can be a way of modesty and there is nothing wrong with that right? But it is different to say that, oh one should try to avoid male contact as a way to be more modest which pleases God (swt) and saying, oh it is PROHIBITED for opposite sex to touch any in anyway/situation, and God (swt) will punish you.. that is a very important difference. As I said earlier I initially thought this was in the Quran, and maybe it is, if it is does someone have the specific ayat?
-personally I hate it when people are in my space, and I do not like to hug touch people excessively, men or women lol. HOWEVER, I am a very athletic person. I played basketball all my life, and when I wasn?t playing it for school or a summer camp, I would play with guys and girls. I also practiced martial arts and obtained a black belt in one discipline and brown in another before I quit martial arts. So while I do not like to be touching people just to touch them, and I consider myself friendly, if you are within arms reach of me (and I have long arms lol) that is too close! So when I hear this command of no handshakes?that is fine, I do not have a problem with it (personally) but I like to look at everything from a larger perspective.
-at the end of the video the ladies mention going to the doctor?which my original post was about?because I am aiming to be a doctor and I didn?t know what was allowed and what wasn?t?and one talked about how she had to take off her hijab to show a male physician something on her scalp?she didn?t feel bad about it until she got home and thought about what she had done (what exactly had she done anyway?). The other lady talked about how she went to a male dentist and automatically shook his hand upon greeting him just out of old habit. This is when the girls mention that, while is it prohibited to touch males, oh there is this little space where it is okay if you have to because you are going to a doctor?but you should try to go to women. Okay that?s fine?but where do you get this ?exception?.
I mean you just spent 12 minutes talking about how touching men who are not family is prohibited, not allowed (I do not think they used these words but in general I think this is the consensus) but in the last minute, oh wait, its okay in this situation. But if you follow that train of thought ,if the doctor is a male?and he is not of your family?then why is it okay to let him see you without hijab or touch you? I mean technically that is going against the hadith?I mean unless there is a hadith where the Prophet went to a female physician and decreed that is being allowable. I hope I do not sound sarcastic but I feel that one needs to be sarcastic to make this logical. I mean IF the law FROM GOD is whatever it is, then my response is okay (I may not like it but I will try my best to obey), but IF the law FROM GOD is whatever it is, but since the Prophet did not make an example of it in either favor for or against it, then we can just make up our own rules or ?improvise? , then that is not okay to me. I feel like that is what a lot of mainstream Islam comes down to when you follow the hadith in such a strict, close minded manner.
-I read a comment of a some viewer of this video, Ill post here: ?i'm in a class were i am close friends with some guys and sometimes i want to hug them or 'touch' with our fists but know im going to stop inshallah please make dua for me because i do imagine awkward situations in the future like shaking hands of my headteacher at my graduation in the future yikes!!!
?
My point here is that, this religion is not suppose to be hard, God Almighty told us that. So why should a girl have to plan, who knows how many months/years in advance, on what she will do when her male teacher wants to shake her hand at her graduation?I mean that sounds stressful to me. Most likely the graduation will be in front of many people, and all eyes will be on the graduates, and something that is meant in NO WAY to be sexual or invasive, or whatever is, IMO, subliminally turned into such an occasion by having to plan escapes routes out of the situation. Just as going to the dentist is not a sexy matter, or an anticipated event, nor is the male dentist while staring at your decaying molars, secretly daydreaming about how you look under your all those layers of scarves. I mean? I am trying to look at this openly, but I end up feeling like someone with obsessive compulsive disorder when I think of it from the view of someone who follows these decrees and laws without thinking of it just beyond the surface.
I.e) Someone with OCD who hates germs and HAS to clean everything 3x in a specific order before they touch it, I mean?if you break that down?sure things are dirty (and in that person?s mind they are doing what they are doing for their own good), but the fact is that bacteria is everywhere, it is unavoidable, and in a way bacteria are intricate to the balance of life?so what is the point of wasting energy, and time and sanity, magnifying an issue that does not need to be magnified, because to do so only leads to creating a problem when there wasn?t intended to be any problem in the first place. I do not know if that makes sense but if I relate it back to mainstream Islam and this whole issue of modesty as an example: Hair.
I don?t know for sure from God?s viewpoint?but IMO I do not think that hair was created as a way to seduce men into hellfire as the way sirens lured men into the rocks of the shore. I mean I do know from a scientific P.O.V that we have hair all over our bodies?and it was used for warmth and protection and as a barrier. Eyelashes protect your eyes from dust particles, nose hair act as a filter for your respiratory tract, body hair in general acts as barrier and warmth, well that was its initial function when we used to be covered in it, and hair on top of your head, again, has a protective function from sun, wind, and the elements.
So! How did hair, dead strands of keratin fibers with the same physiological functionality as our skin, get morphed into what it is today, and not just in mainstream Islam but in mainstream---well Ill say European and Western culture as well?? In the latter it is an advertisement tool use to generate millions of dollars for beauty products as well as any product selling sex because the model selling that product is usually pretty with gorgeous flowing, bouncy, shiny hair (or if the model is a guy, unnaturally well kept beautiful hair).
In the former it is something that one should be ashamed to show because of its un-naturally inherent beauty (I say un-natural because it general looks better when it curled and colored and blow dried and styled) and its magical powers to overcome men?s train of thought and logical reasoning and reduce them to stammering, drooling animals encumbered by primoridal sexual desires.
How did this transition occur? Well simply put man did it. And so, I think it is safe to say that if man changed something from its natural state, then God did not do that. So when mainstream Islamist think of hair in the way that they do---in this term of modesty?well, they are using a man-made construct of what hair is and how it should be viewed and how to evaluate it etc?how can you give something with a man-made scaffold, divine attributes?
I hope my little rant made sense, but I think it is important for people to think deeper than the surface on these matters, especically when they are living their lives around these ideals?most of which are man-made ideals, IMO. This is especially important for people who are not comfortable with certain indoctorine that they have been mandated to follow. The only way to truly be released from the cage is to really think about things and come up with your own conclusions, IMO.
-My final point, (I swear this have officially turned into a blog and not a post) is the idea of the points system in Islam, which is something that is completely foreign to me as a convert and as a former Christian. The ladies mentioned that the motivating factor for them to keep pushing on and going against the norm of society and doing what is prescribed upon them from, either the Prophet or God, I get confused as to which commands are coming from whom, is the reward that they will receive in the hereafter?or the punishment that they will receive. The example they gave was:
Okay so everytime I do not touch a man, my points build up, and when I finally get home to give my husband a hug, it means so much more and I?ve been rewarded 500x by Allah. Well I will just say, anyone who can explain this concept to me with evidence from the Quran I would appreciate. It is just something I don?t understand so I do not want to say too much about. I will leave this point open ended for anyone to comment as they like.
If you made it to the end of my BLOG POST (lol) I hope it was a fun read and gave you some new angles to think about things that maybe you had not before, or had but did not know how to articulate.
ANY COMMENTS?!
