Hello everyone!
I'm in my mid 40's and I'm new here. This is my first post, and would like to share my story.
I was (and may be still partly am) a Christian. I wish to confess to everyone here that used to loath Islam. I had been brain-washed that the religion is bad and cruel and all the media-made stuff. You know what I mean.
But, I don't know why I had this sudden urge of interest in Islam for the past few months and started looking for more info on the net. Alright, God in Islam is called Allah, and, hey, He's the same God as the Christians and the Jews, so who really cares. He's GOD. Very same GOD. And, if you would allow, I would call Him as GOD as I can understand better.
A little about me: I was a very devout Catholic. I used to attend mass everyday. And, when I was about 19, in spite of having attended mass everyday, I started having minor doubts about God. Does he really exist? Well, if he does exist, then we should be able to talk to him. Alright, I experimented. I took the words of Jesus as the key: "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can tell this mountain to cast itself into the sea." (I've never cared to remember the verse number and all that. So please don't ask for references.)
So, with Jesus' "key of faith", I sat quietly on my bed one night, looking at the picture of the Holy Family at the end of the bed, believing fully that God exists, I said "Hello, God". And I heard in my mind immediately, "Hello there." I was kinda perplexed, about to loose that "faith", about to doubt that I was talking to myself, I hung on believing fully that God was really talking to me and I continued the conversation. Believe it or not, I was REALLY talking to God. I've continued doing this for years and years.
If anyone would doubt if was it really God I was talking to, let me tell you this experience. When I was in college I used to often sit by the college reservoir at night, like 1 or 2 AM, that it would be all quiet so I could talk to God in peace. One night, sitting on the grass with my knees up, after I finished my chatting with God and was about to open my eyes to get up, the Voice said "Keep your eyes closed. Don't open till I tell you." I asked why and the Voice said "Just wait". OK, if God says so then I'll wait. Not very long after that, a matter of less than a minute the Voice then told me to open my eyes.
Between my legs was the end of a cobra's tail. He came in from my left and went under my leg to my right side. I sat still and waited till he went further away. I smiled and thanked God immediately. If God did not stopped me from opening my eyes, I would have opened my eyes and moved by body while the cobra was like a foot away from me! Imagine what would have had happened!
Yes, THERE IS GOD. And anyone can talk to him, like a friend, like a father. Trust me.
Alright, that was my experience with God. Let's get on with my experience with Islam.
OK, I started having questions about Islam. We all know that ALL religions are meant to teach people to be good. With this logic, then, how can Islam teach people to go kill others? This can't be true.
I started searching into the "teachings" of Islam. At the time I had no idea of the differences between the Koran and the Hadiths and so forth. I just took them all as teachings. Then I found contradicting stuff. I was confused. But logic tells me that many teachings are more logical than others. I still didn't know the differences. Slowly I began to understand that there are collectively two kinds of "Books" -- the Koran and the Hadiths. I still couldn't understand much anyway.
I've always wanted to have a circumcision, not because of becoming a Muslim or anything, but all about cleanliness, and I had it done the first week of this year, and it was done by a Muslim "doctor". (I know there's a term for him but I don't really know what that is). I don't know why, after the circ, I suddenly had this urge of wanting to become a Muslim. I thought that it might have been a fantasy because I had the circ done by a Muslim man and that was it. But somehow the urge got stronger.
The "call" was so strong that one night, one week after the circ, I took the courage and said the Shahadah all by myself. I've professed my faith. And, man, I kinda feel like new! I didn't care if anyone was there as witness or not. God heard me, that's more than enough.
Still, my doubts in conflicting Islamic teachings were still with me. I was thinking there's no way that God can order something so cruel, but I couldn't find anything to support my thoughts. It had been a week after saying the Shahadah and I was still in doubt.
So, I knelt down and talked to God that if He wants me to be a Muslim, please let me find information about Islam that support my thoughts that God is kind and merciful, and end all that conflicting teachings.
Trust me, God wants me to be a Muslim. The FIRST CLICK on Google took me to THIS SITE. And now I understand more of the problems. No more conflicting ideas.
But I probably won't be a serious practicing Muslim anyway. I will do whatever is possible, avoid whatever is possible. But I will pray. I will praise God. And I will do it MY way. God is everywhere. I don't think it's right that I have to turn to some direction to talk to God. I will pray to Him in the language I understand (certainly not Arabic) because God is certainly not language-challenged. I will pray in whatever gesture I want. Nothing rituals. And I will still live by any good teachings of any other religion, any person (like the Prayer of St. Francis or even that of Buddha). I probably won't go on the pilgrimage. God is HERE, why go elsewhere?
In the end, I may not turn out to be a Muslim, but rather a believer of goodness.
A believer who believes in GOD ALONE.
