Author Topic: Beating of kids or threating them with light violence  (Read 14605 times)

Damon

  • Guest
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #20 on: January 11, 2005, 04:03:15 PM »
Peace people,

Well I'm sorry to have to say that I had to spank my sons bottom earlier today because he absolutely refuses to be potty trained. When I say he refuses, that's what I mean.....he absolutely refuses to be potty trained.

My wife and I have been trying to potty train him for the past three-four weeks now to no avail whatsoever. We will sit him on his potty at certain times and try to get him to handle his business. Each and Every time, he did not go to the potty, but as soon as we take him off of it and put a pull up on him, he will sneak off somewhere by himself and unload in his pull-up. Do you guys have any idea how fustrating this is??

Well, as always, I have been at it all day around the clock with him. I put him on the potty three times today and all three times he did not go. After the third time, I put a some underwear on him and about 5-10 minutes later, he once again went somewhere by himself and unloaded. Because I am pretty much at my wits end I had to go to his bottom for doing this and I had to for two reasons.........

One, he made a very bad mess with this deed. Remember, this round I did not put a pull up on him (because it wasn't bed time yet) I put a pair of underwear on him. Well making a mess in a pair of underwear is a whole different breed of chaos than making one in a pull up.

Two....anothe reason that I had to tap his little behind is because something tells me that he knows what he is doing. He always sneaks off somewhere alone to do this. There have been times where we caught him just in time and we'll hurry and snatch him up and put him on the potty. Most times though, he'll just hold it until we take him off of it. The fact that he always goes somewhere alone away from me and his mother suggests to me that he has a master plan that he's working on when he does this.

Now his older brother, my 7 year old, is really, really asking for it. My wife and I use spankings very sparingly...only to draw a line somewhere. But my seven year old son has really been pushing his luck and trying my patience lately.

Kyle made the statement that his cultural upbringing has made him used to butt whoopins. I'm also an African American and my mother used to beat me and yet I am very close to her because I understand the role whoopins have in an upbringing.

I do believe that there is a difference between spankings and child abuse. And I also believe that the key is to make sure we as parents balance everything out. Yes, discipline your children, but make sure you show them just as much love and compassion as you do disciplinary action. Try not to overdue one or the other. Too much of one (spanking) can result in an emotionally dysfunctional member of society and too much of the other (no spanking, but spoiling the child) can result in someone growing up not understanding that the world does not revolve around him/her and that there are consequences and repercussions for things that we shouldn't do but do anyway because we think we are unpunishable.

As I write this e-mail, I am trying my utmost to hold on to my patience concerning my seven year old son, but between his behaviour in school and the disrespect he's starting to display at home, I may have to remind him that there are certain things that I simply will not tolerate.

Salaam,
Damon.

TheNabi

  • Global Moderator
  • Wise One / Burnout
  • *****
  • Posts: 5031
  • Karma +12/-1
  • Gender: Male
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #21 on: January 11, 2005, 04:14:56 PM »
Salaam Damon,

There are ways to get your child to use the potty correctly. Keep in mind that the control of elimination [peeing and taking a dump] for children is a way for them to express independence. You should try putting your child on the toilet when you see that he/she needs to do so. Learning through observation is a good thing too. The questions will come and you just need to knock them down. Remember, don't make it a bad experience for the child. Encourage and reinforce.

Joe
All information in my posts is correct to the best of my knowledge only and thus should not be taken as a fact. One should seek for verification & knowledge. ~> [3/190-191; 17/

Damon

  • Guest
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #22 on: January 11, 2005, 04:34:39 PM »
Peace Joe,

Quote
Salaam Damon,

There are ways to get your child to use the potty correctly. Keep in mind that the control of elimination [peeing and taking a dump] for children is a way for them to express independence. You should try putting your child on the toilet when you see that he/she needs to do so. Learning through observation is a good thing too. The questions will come and you just need to knock them down. Remember, don't make it a bad experience for the child. Encourage and reinforce.

Joe


Thanx for the advise Joe, I'll give it a try, GOD Willing.

By the way, I guess I should tell you guys that my wife and I have just found out that we have a third one on the way (GOD Willing)  :D

We already have two boys (ages 3 and 7), maybe GOD will give us a girl this time.  8)

Peace all,
Damon.

TheNabi

  • Global Moderator
  • Wise One / Burnout
  • *****
  • Posts: 5031
  • Karma +12/-1
  • Gender: Male
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #23 on: January 11, 2005, 05:03:28 PM »
Salaam Damon,

Quote from: "Damon"
By the way, I guess I should tell you guys that my wife and I have just found out that we have a third one on the way (GOD Willing)   :D  


Cool and good job. You're making the kids and I'm still in alot of ways a kid.  :lol:

Joe
All information in my posts is correct to the best of my knowledge only and thus should not be taken as a fact. One should seek for verification & knowledge. ~> [3/190-191; 17/

SwedenMajidah

  • Wise One / Burnout
  • *****
  • Posts: 2106
  • Karma +9/-3
  • Gender: Female
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #24 on: January 11, 2005, 09:38:37 PM »
Peace,

My son is now about 3 and a half year old and he is very good to pee on the toilet but when he was only 3 years old he also refuses to sit on his potty even if he did it at kindergarden.

I asked him if he wanted to try the big toilet were mummy used to pee and then he got exited and give it a try and he liked it and today he always use the toilet.

I think you have to encourage him to use the toilet and describe in a fun way that it is actually only babies who use diapers.

Why can't you find a nice children book with pictures of kids doing things in the bathroom like peeing on the potty or the toilet and brush their teeth and so on then maybe he will be willing to learn.

Forcing a kid is never good and the reult will come much later than if you make it on a fun way.

Hope it helps!

Peace
Sis Majidah

zenje

  • Wise One / Burnout
  • *****
  • Posts: 5604
  • Karma +16/-1
  • Gender: Male
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #25 on: January 12, 2005, 02:37:27 AM »
Salaam Damon n all,

Glad I took the time to check this thread out today... I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I was reading Damon's ordeal with Potty training. Damon... I take it your 3 year old son is the problem child? Here's my advice... let him go on that issue. I know exactly where you're at, because I had it worse than you did! My son only caved in at 4 years old! What's worse with my son was, that he didn't want to take a dump at all, even in his pull up when we fought with him vigorously! I kept fighting with him coz my wife kept telling me how worried she was about the whole ordeal. I wasn't too worried about it, but she got me worked up. So anyway, finally this doctor gave us this prescription kinda laxative to give him with his milk. For some reason, right after, he asked us all by himself to go to the toilet! :D  

Moral of the story, let your son take his time. He knows it's not a good thing to poopoo in the pull up, but as Joe said... it's the only independence he's got right now. That's his thing and you cannot take it away from him, until he decides to give it up. The fighting will only make it worse. Your expectations have nothing to do with it. :lol:

Peace be with you brother and your family. And congratulations on your number 3. I have 2 boys also, but those will have to do for now. :wink:
If they turn away, then Say: "God is enough for me, there is no god but He, in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the great throne." [9:129]

warda

  • Apprentice
  • **
  • Posts: 350
  • Karma +1/-0
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #26 on: January 12, 2005, 04:29:50 AM »
Salam Damon

Quote
By the way, I guess I should tell you guys that my wife and I have just found out that we have a third one on the way (GOD Willing) Very Happy

CONGRATULATION !! :D  :D

Regarding your three year old son: don't beat him or spank his bottom, cause it really will make it worse and maybe he understands at all why you are beating him. I used to have the same problem with my little one. She used to pee wherever she stood, of course I was angry, but at the same I felt sorry for her, couse she doesn't know and understand. If I would have slapt her, it doesn't make it better but worse. My advice: talk to him very seriously, loud but without screaming. Or tell him if he does the same, he will not get... (something he loves) or other way round, as soon as he succeeded and does well give him something he loves and tell him how much you love him, well, but I'm sure you do so.

GOOD LUCK!
Salam
warda

TAJ

  • Advanced Truth Seeker
  • ****
  • Posts: 1526
  • Karma +5/-3
  • Gender: Female
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #27 on: January 12, 2005, 07:04:29 AM »
Salaam All,


I have seen, in an ad in a magazine, a potty that plays music every time the child pees in it!  :)  

Do you have that kind of potty in the shops at your place? If you can find them, I guess they should help a lot!



Taj

zenje

  • Wise One / Burnout
  • *****
  • Posts: 5604
  • Karma +16/-1
  • Gender: Male
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #28 on: January 12, 2005, 07:24:41 AM »
We got one of those Taj, it didn't help any!

Peace
If they turn away, then Say: "God is enough for me, there is no god but He, in Him I put my trust and He is the Lord of the great throne." [9:129]

tux

  • Apprentice
  • **
  • Posts: 107
  • Karma +0/-0
Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #29 on: January 12, 2005, 08:58:26 AM »
Peace be upon you all!

We have our first  one on the way (30 days), God Willing :P
I will never hit my child.

Quote from: "SwedenMajidah"

Salaam,

I have seen some programs on TV "Super Nanny" and that program give me some idea how to treat a wild child without violence.


I saw that program today  :)