Author Topic: Beating of kids or threating them with light violence  (Read 12201 times)

Zlatan

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« on: December 30, 2004, 01:26:21 AM »
Peace

I think of beating of the kids as very unsensible ...


However i give them  a few hits/strikes( i dont know if i chose the right word) here and there but only in the case when one of them hits the other -  as a kind of retaliation...and a way to teach them that it is not good to applie violence to others

i would like to hear others opinions and particularly something on the topic from the scripture....

btw

What about women who are against beating of the women but beat their kids regularly for a simple and innocent  childlish acts disobediance?

idolfree1

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2004, 02:35:01 AM »
Peace be upon you Zlatan,

My cultural development makes me want to say a good "whoopin" every now and then keeps you in order, but in my experience as a father, I have NEVER had to lay my hand on my daughter, who is 10 years old. I will not say that a physical punishment may not be called for in extreme conditions, but we must start our kids of with the TRUTHFUL understanding that the MIND is the greatest weapon.

The wise argument wins over physical means every day, but we should always have back up ready.

Green Leaves

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #2 on: December 30, 2004, 03:52:55 PM »
Peace,

Quote
i would like to hear others opinions and particularly something on the topic from the scripture....


For the love of God, don't hit your kids! A parent of mine (won't say mum/dad) used to hit me when I was growing up and now there's this "wall" between me and this parent of mine. I never talk that much to them, I don't discuss anything that's going on with me, I don't even make eye contact because that fear is still in my heart. All because of some stupid discipline today I, a 20 year old have no solid and normal relationship with one of my parent. That's pathetic. Its been a long time now and I doubt we'll ever be like a normal family, the older I get, the more wiered it'll seem to try and make things normal, especially now that I only see them during these holidays and live on campus for like the rest of 9 months. I am more open on this forum here with people I know so little about than I am with this parent of mine. In an year, we only say about 500 words to each year (if we are lucky).

When I have kids, I'll NEVER hit time or even yell at them, God Willing
Quote


What about women who are against beating of the women but beat their kids regularly for a simple and innocent childlish acts disobediance?


Beating a grown woman is completly different from beating a child. To begin with, your child is a part of you and if you beat him/her (which you really shouldn't) it isn't the same thing as beating someone you actually accepted before God to be an equal and lawful partner of life.

Take care and DONT beat your kids.

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I have NEVER had to lay my hand on my daughter, who is 10 years old.


idolfree1, you have a 10 year old daughter?!? For some reason, I thought you were a teenager or something...hmmm, isn't the Internet a fascinating thing where people who otherwise would've never known each other communicate across great distances (making assumptions about the person they are communicating with!?)
:: Peace
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Elke

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #3 on: December 30, 2004, 08:58:57 PM »
Very hairy issue!

I must admit that I have sometimes slapped my kids. It was usually when they just wouldn't obey and after averting them more than once of what I was going to do if they wouldn't do as I told them...

Now my daughter is 11 and I didn't need to go that far for years. Even my son (7) has not been slapped by me for I think at least two years and inchallah, I will not need this again. I did need this (light) physical punishment to establish clear limits, but wish I had been able to do without !


Greenleaves wrote
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A parent of mine (won't say mum/dad) used to hit me when I was growing up and now there's this "wall" between me and this parent of mine.


Exactely the same for me! My parent  hit me hard even for things I didn't do on purpose, like breaking something. I was so afraid of this that I never even talked or answered this person and at sixteen just took of! But this has nothing to do with what happened with my kids - I try to not even speak harshly to them for things they did not do intentionally. There are degrees in everything...


Maasalama, Elke
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery ; none but ourselves can free our minds"
(Bob Marley, Redemption Song)

Elke

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2004, 09:04:15 PM »
Salam again,

just a short story on how my daughter felt about my corrections...

When she was 4 and a half, my then husband had slapped he bottom once.
That was the only time he ever raised his hand on her!
I must admit, me being the one who took care of them all the time, it sure happended much more often with me.
At her 5th birthday (several months later), a friend of her asked if her parents were nice to her...answer : "My mother is the nicest mother that exists, but my dad slapped me!!!" :lol:

Elke
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery ; none but ourselves can free our minds"
(Bob Marley, Redemption Song)

warda

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2004, 10:13:53 PM »
Salam Elke, :lol: all
Quote
I must admit that I have sometimes slapped my kids. It was usually when they just wouldn't obey and after averting them more than once of what I was going to do if they wouldn't do as I told them...


I want to say that I really appreciate how sincere some free-minders are :)

And it was the same with me and my kids:

When my first daughter was in her "hard time" , when she was between 2 and 3 (people who have kids know what I'm talking about) sometimes gave her a little slap. Never more.
Same with her sister. When she used to get up from bed the 10th time, I used to give sometimes a light slap.  But even then I didn't feel good and I  accused myself of doing so.
But since they are older and stopped being so stressy I never did it again. Now, as my kids are growing older I really can not imagine to slap them again. I can talk to them and they understand me - that of course helps a lot!
Bye

Green Leaves

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #6 on: December 31, 2004, 09:07:59 AM »
Quote
At her 5th birthday (several months later), a friend of her asked if her parents were nice to her...answer : "My mother is the nicest mother that exists, but my dad slapped me!!!" Laughing


Motherly love! See, my mum is like a sponge, I annoy her (not that much) and she soaks it all in and says nothing back, but my dady is like a flame, I say one teeny, tiny "bad" thing and he yells sooo much at me.
:: Peace
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idolfree1

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2005, 05:54:07 AM »
Peace be upon you Green Leaves,

Quote
idolfree1, you have a 10 year old daughter?!? For some reason, I thought you were a teenager or something...hmmm, isn't the Internet a fascinating thing where people who otherwise would've never known each other communicate across great distances (making assumptions about the person they are communicating with!?)


 :lol:  I'll be 33 yrs old on March 28th.

This is a very interesting discussion. I am very happy that my mother spanked me, I don't believe  I deserved all of them, but i think they helped me to understand cause and effect.  Hatred over an event is an EMOTION. We are suppossed to get in control of the emotions. That is how Solomon got his "kingdom".  :D

SwedenMajidah

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #8 on: January 06, 2005, 06:06:16 AM »
Salaam,

I sometimes slap my kids but I'm not proud of it but I only do it when they have going too far in disobeying.

I have seen some programs on TV "Super Nanny" and that program give me some idea how to treat a wild child without violence.

I believe that if you hit someone that person learn to hit others, yeah if a kid get a slap of his mother then he thinks it is ok to slap someone because mummy are doing it and she is a grown up.

To have eyecontact with your children and to hold them and use and angry voice if they are bad and use a mild and happy voice when they are good.

One of my kids are 3 and a half year and he is so naughty most of the time and I don't know why because I have treat all of my kids in the same way.

Patience more patience are needed that's for sure.

Peace
Sis Majidah

idolfree1

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Beating of kids or threating them with light violence
« Reply #9 on: January 06, 2005, 06:33:08 AM »
Peace be upon you,

Quote
I believe that if you hit someone that person learn to hit others, yeah if a kid get a slap of his mother then he thinks it is ok to slap someone because mummy are doing it and she is a grown up.


Good point, we start learning by imitation.