Feeling trapped

[bluerose]

Salaam everyone,

I'm not new to this board, but haven't posted in a long time.  I'm writing because Ramadan has been emotionally difficult for me this year and I'm hoping to get some support.  I tend to become perfectionistic during Ramadan, and it winds up hurting me a lot.  I am very suspicious of the hadith and oftentimes reject ideas because there's no qur'anic support for them.  However, for other things, I tend to obsess about them even though there's no qur'anic support for them.  My actions and fears are inconsistent with eachother and with what I sometimes trully believe.  I get so afraid of my prayers not counting or my fast not counting that I obsess about how clean I am and whether or not I'm doing things the right way.  Sunni Islam has so many rules to follow and there are inconsistencies between sources too.  all this is so overwhelming and emotionally draining for me.  What also bothers me is that some people who attest to the faith don't seem to care about all the rules, but if you really analyze the rules it's just too much.  For some reason I can't seem to break away from it.  It's hard for me to whole-heartedly believe something.  I'm held back by fear- fear that I'm gonna go to Hell.  I wish that I could just believe in something.

[Sohel NR]

Salaam everyone,

I'm not new to this board, but haven't posted in a long time.  I'm writing because Ramadan has been emotionally difficult for me this year and I'm hoping to get some support.  I tend to become perfectionistic during Ramadan, and it winds up hurting me a lot.  I am very suspicious of the hadith and oftentimes reject ideas because there's no qur'anic support for them.  However, for other things, I tend to obsess about them even though there's no qur'anic support for them.  My actions and fears are inconsistent with eachother and with what I sometimes trully believe.  I get so afraid of my prayers not counting or my fast not counting that I obsess about how clean I am and whether or not I'm doing things the right way.  Sunni Islam has so many rules to follow and there are inconsistencies between sources too.  all this is so overwhelming and emotionally draining for me.  What also bothers me is that some people who attest to the faith don't seem to care about all the rules, but if you really analyze the rules it's just too much.  For some reason I can't seem to break away from it.  It's hard for me to whole-heartedly believe something.  I'm held back by fear- fear that I'm gonna go to Hell.  I wish that I could just believe in something.

Walaikum as salam dear bluerose,

Thank you for sharing your concerns. At the risk of seeming shamefully self-indulgent, I shall go ahead and suggest my introductory thread that may be of help among many other things I'm sure.

Excerpt: -

For me personally as such a Muslim, the defining principle of being a Muslim is love of Allah, and the manifestation of that love through the diligent cultivation of kindness, and social justice as an extension of that kindness. Kindness starts with oneself by taking care of the self and discarding the ego by willfully submitting to Allah, by taking care of one?s family and community, and by understanding that Allah is the ONLY Omniscient and Omnipotent judge of all things, and nobody will escape HIS judgment in this world or the moment of our death.

Let me reiterate that in my humble opinion also, Islam as per the Holy Quran is also an ?intellectual? Deen (Way) without priesthood ? as in de facto or any other kind intermediary between Allah and man's existential and other salvation - and every individual Muslim has the responsibility to exercise his or her Allah given faculties, nurture and enhance those faculties through discipline and scholarship, and apply the guidance of the divine revelation of the Holy Quran in everyday life wholeheartedly and holistically.

On the concept of ?authorization? of books other than the Quran with regards to the Messenger, I personally find equating, for all practical purposes, the reverence for a revealed text to man made text, and empowering scholars restricted in their role according to the revelation to the point of becoming intermediaries between Allah and our salvation, nothing less than heartbreaking and tragic.

The typical madhabist ?rationale? that the only alternative to ?Islamic unity? through ?accepted standardization? is ?chaos? is also sadly interesting to look at. I am speaking of views such as those of Abdal-Hakim Murad who believes that: -

?With every Muslim now a proud mujtahid, and with taqlid dismissed as a sin rather than a humble and necessary virtue, the divergent views which caused such pain in our early history will surely break surface again. Instead of four madhhabs in harmony, we will have a billion madhhabs in bitter and self-righteous conflict. No more brilliant scheme for the destruction of Islam could ever have been devised.? (from UNDERSTANDING THE FOUR MADHHABS: the problem with anti-madhhabism)

As for myself, I do not subscribe to the dubious and somewhat predictably paranoid notion than individual freedom of conscience and thought and the moral slash social responsibilities that come with those freedoms as ordained by Allah as per the Holy Quran, lead to 'chaos' as he sees it or anything other than what is promised by our Creator in his revelation - namely peace, happiness and salvation in this life and the life to come.

No Orwellian ?world view or order? can mitigate that promise with sweet semantic twists and turns that may resonate inside hearts filled with fear and pain. One does not have to be a discrete mathematician to figure out that intolerant exclusions lead to sectarianisms, and those sectarianisms by definition lead to division, degeneration and eventual exploitation by the enemies of the faithful.

That said, I do have immense respect for contemporary but traditionally-rooted scholars such as Sheikh Hamza Yusuf and Imam Zaid Shakir as fellow Muslims who add value to my spiritual life - but I do not let them come as an intermediary between Allah and my desired happiness and salvation in this life and the life to come. I cannot and neither can they as my respected teachers and fellow Muslim brothers. They help me stay on the straight path, not define it as Allah already has in the Holy Quran.

On the other hand, no intentional or inadvertently semantic twists or doublespeak can mitigate the actual power relations at play when it is defined by scholars who see themselves as de facto priests.

Some of those power relations become dangerous once they seek to impose knowledge masquerading as debate with its own set of absolutist dogmas and rules of men, and exercise power without the possibility of role reversal and playing GOD in their judgments. Divisions with easy answers in a world where other men do the thinking for us, ultimately benefit those who profit from such divisions as a source of socio-political power. There is great indignity in speaking for others in a universe created by the only Omniscient and Omnipotent Creator who has created it in ways we?re just beginning to understand as modern scientific knowledge since Einstein, Bohr, Heisenberg, Chaos Theory, the Human Genome Project, and incredible advances since in physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics as tools that help us understand Allah's creations better.

That said, elements of the Sunnah, particularly unifying practices resulting from the traditions, may have many conditional positives also. If those practices are inspired by and designed in the spirit of the Quran, and do not become purely ritualistic ends in themselves, they can indeed bring people closer together and create peace, unity and justice in our communities.

I personally practice all 5 pillars in a somewhat orthodox manner ? without some of the traditional ?shirk? either in my spirit, mind, heart and utterances - for the benefit of Islamic unity while keeping the ONLY the Quran and its mandates and suggestions in my spirit, heart and mind. These practices impose a sense of discipline and order in my life, and indeed compliment other expressions of my submission to Allah.

It is not enough, in my humble opinion, just to adhere to the 5 pillars of our traditions, but one must adhere to those pillars without losing sight of their connections with the spirit of the revelation as the individual Muslim feels, sees and thinks fit. Allah-consciousness must permeate every moment of every ritual for those rituals to keep our spirits, our minds and our hearts and bodies upon the straight path as revealed in the Holy Quran.

I do not believe as some of my ?unitarian? or ?anti-sectarian? fellow travelers do that the Sunnah as expressed through the traditional 5 pillars not in the Holy Quran, and the straight path as written in the Holy Quran need to be mutually exclusive in practice. It is indeed difficult, but very much possible to practice elements of the Sunnah and NOT break our covenant with Allah, provided that those practices are neither purely ritualistic devoid of individual and deeply internalized meanings and experiences, nor undertaken in anything contrary to the letter or spirit of the Quran.

It is perhaps possible - if those practices are not imposed or coerced into the hearts of its parishioners who willfully and consciously submit to the Allah as revealed in the Holy Quran - for those traditional practices, after due modifications, to become a critical toolkit to add to and further consolidate our covenant with Allah.

http://free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=15577.0

I pray that was of assistance.

I guess the bottom line is, at the risk of sounding somewhat daft and frivolous ... only Allah is Perfect, so it maybe OK to CHILLAX a bit more, endeavor to stay dilligently true and focused in your heart with regards to all expressions of submission, and let Allah do what He will ... 

Easier said than done I know, but for what it's worth, my prayers are with you ... 

Peace, Sohel ... 

[Wakas]

peace bluerose, all,

Knowledge and understanding is a gradual process, so one should slowly build upon a solid foundation.

For me, I always try to keep the core values in mind, and that is oneness of God and striving to do good deeds. When doing certain deeds, such as fasting, giving to charity etc. the intention is important, so dont fret about the details so much. Look to the big picture and focus on it.


"It is like a finger pointing to the moon. If you concentrate on the finger, you'll miss all the heavenly glory."

[Bigmo]

Salaam everyone,

I'm not new to this board, but haven't posted in a long time.  I'm writing because Ramadan has been emotionally difficult for me this year and I'm hoping to get some support.  I tend to become perfectionistic during Ramadan, and it winds up hurting me a lot.  I am very suspicious of the hadith and oftentimes reject ideas because there's no qur'anic support for them.  However, for other things, I tend to obsess about them even though there's no qur'anic support for them.  My actions and fears are inconsistent with eachother and with what I sometimes trully believe.  I get so afraid of my prayers not counting or my fast not counting that I obsess about how clean I am and whether or not I'm doing things the right way.  Sunni Islam has so many rules to follow and there are inconsistencies between sources too.  all this is so overwhelming and emotionally draining for me.  What also bothers me is that some people who attest to the faith don't seem to care about all the rules, but if you really analyze the rules it's just too much.  For some reason I can't seem to break away from it.  It's hard for me to whole-heartedly believe something.  I'm held back by fear- fear that I'm gonna go to Hell.  I wish that I could just believe in something.

At first I was frustrated because I couldn't find the answers I was looking for in the Koran. I thought every solution needs a specific answer. Now I realize I was looking at a mirage. The solution is to live life the way God wants you to. The Koran offers guidelines but no specifics. Its very difficult to adjust to something very flexible. There is fear and uncertainty, but the more you hang around and debate the traditionalists, the more you realize they have no solutions themselves. Just answers.

Let me give you an example. Yesterday in Al Jazeera they brough a Sudanese goverment official who is responsible for the Bayt al Zakat. Thats the authority that collects Zakat and distributes it. When many people complained that its not doing much for the Sudanese people especially the poor. He said that Zakat is not the only solution for poverty in a society. Its one of many avenues. However for 30 years the Islamist were telling us if Muslims would pay Zakat all our financial woes will be over. Yet now they are saying Zakat alone does not solve nations problems. So for 30 years they gave us an answer to the financial solutions in Muslim nations. But now I realize it was not a solution. It was an answer people wanted to hear. A slogan. An easy one. Now we know its education, freedom, political stability, investment friendly legislations, trade agreements, social awareness, efficient management, skilled labor and a government of checks and balances that solve nations financial woes. But of course, nobody wants to hear that. Cause its not easy. But because these Islamist wanted a state solution grounded in religion, they built a whole state economy on something as basic as Zakat.

The same with abstinence for a bachelor. They will tell you fast. But we know thats not a solution. Maybe a temporary one, but its not a solution. Its an answer.  I can say play sports, keep yourself busy and so on. But thats not a solution.

Another example is when the Mufi of Egypt once said women can not rule since in Shariah a ruler must be the Imam in prayers. Ok, thats an answer. Which prayer, how will he lead the Muslims in prayer? Which mosque? Which Muslim ruler today leads the "Muslims" in prayers? Its not a real answer that offers a solution. Its built on a long away past that has no reality today. There are literally millions of mosques with i.5 billion Muslims around the world. In Egypt alone there are tens of thousands of mosques and millions of Muslims.

So which is better, having answers that offer no solutions but in fact raises more questions or being honest and saying I don't know but I think its so and so.

[bluerose]

Thanks everyone for the support.  Still feeling confused and frustrated, but I think much of that is because of a lack of effort, which is due to my lack of faith that I'll ever actually get my questions answered, or at least get some peace of mind.  However, I'll try to take some small steps.

[AceOfHearts]

Thanks everyone for the support.  Still feeling confused and frustrated, but I think much of that is because of a lack of effort, which is due to my lack of faith that I'll ever actually get my questions answered, or at least get some peace of mind.  However, I'll try to take some small steps.

Peace sister,

I echo what Br. Wakas said. Keep an open mind and it is what the intentions that count. Do not get bogged down with tiny specifics of things that will ultimately make you lose the main objective of what you are doing.

Just an example from experience. There is a 'non-practicing' Muslim friend I am inviting to the Qur'an. She asked me a question once after attending Jumma Salah. A Sunni sister told her that that at the end of the prayer she should turn her head exactly with the imam (she was a few seconds late)...she asked me if it was true. I told her that she should not get bogged down with these irrelevant specific details as the purpose of Salah would be lost. That short delay makes no difference, so she should just ignore what they said and concentrate on Allah during Salah (the objective). It made remarkable sense to her what I said.

The moral of the above is that you should concentrate on the bigger picture, because the tiny things will distract you from the real purpose - that is if the tiny things were ever needed paying attention to at all.

I pray our Lord makes you stronger, He is the source of all strength.

Assalamu alaikum.   

[Fadhli]

The moral of the above is that you should concentrate on the bigger picture, because the tiny things will distract you from the real purpose - that is if the tiny things were ever needed paying attention to at all.

I pray our Lord makes you stronger, He is the source of all strength.

Assalamu alaikum.   

Agreed with AceOfHearts. It is those tiny things that creates divides, fears and hates among us. Which would make us forget the main purpose. Submit to God only. Only He knows what's right or wrong.

Salam 

[ayani]

Agreed with AceOfHearts. It is those tiny things that creates divides, fears and hates among us. Which would make us forget the main purpose. Submit to God only. Only He knows what's right or wrong.

Salam 

masha'allah, very true. may God grant us peace and understanding, insha'allah.