News:

About us: a forum for monotheists, and discussion of Islam based on The Quran

Main Menu

parenting spare the rod-spoil the child

Started by Abuja, August 04, 2006, 04:21:08 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Abuja

what is everyone's thought on punishment for there children do you believe what the bible says about sparing the rod and spoiling the child.  I for one do not believe in sparing the rod and this is why.  When I was 10 yrs old my grandfather was cutting down trees on the property where we lived.  he told me and my brother to go to the house but we did not listen and went further into the woods and continued to play.  when we heard the chainsaws stop cutting we then headed to the house.  well low and behold there stood my grandfather who made it back to the house sooner then we did.  my grandfather then spanked/wooped me and my brother.  from that day forward my grandfather never had to tell me more than once to do something and i knew he ment what he said.  I also use this same line of disepline for my son but of course because of his age a much smaller/easier spanking.  And since I have started this I have not had to tell him but once maybe twice that he cant do certian things and I have little to no trouble with him minding.  please share your thoughts and methods.  thanks to all.  and God bless.

Sincerly Larry/Abuja :sun:
Sincerely, Abuja

soul2squeeze

Peace

My take on it is you get what you put in. Children soak up EVERYTHING we do. We leave a huge impression on them even at a very very young age. This can be seen when kids dress up in their parent's clothes or play mommy with their dolls or pretend to make business phone calls. We see it all the time and it's their way of reminding us: "I want to be just like you when I grow up." When we use physical force of any kind, light or hard, to get our message across to them to do something or not to do something, we send the message that the only way to really send a message to someone is to use force. That child can then grow up with a less than adequate level of communication skills and not be able to control their negative emotions properly.

But please do take my post with a grain of salt: this is coming from a person who has no kids of her own yet :D
;)
Peace

Abuja

to soul2squeeze
I agree with everything you have said.  I guess I should have also put in my message that a great way to deal with children is to also use a more sensitive approach such as sitting the child down and explain to them what they did wrong, why it is wrong and what those actions can lead to.  and also look at it as Jesus would.  with a kind and understanding heart and always show how much you love your children to them by your actions.  But then again on the other hand some actions of children do require punishment other then words.  In other words I would say the best method for your children would be the one they respond to the best, of course this needs to be keep reasonable.  And above all always show the love that Jesus has tought and show us many times over because without this non of us would survive.

sincerly, Larry/Abuja ;D
Sincerely, Abuja

soul2squeeze

Peace Bro

Very interesting take on it indeed. Jesus was indeed a very peaceful man that demonstrated patience and mercy on others. I agree with you


Peace All

AspeRin

ASLM! :handshake:
from personal experience.hitting your child when he didnt do anything he tought it was wrong,a mistake, is gonna make him hate you.
telling him you gonna hit him and u dont,its gonna make him do whatever he wants thinking you just arent too serious. :ignore:
telling him the truth about everything,and i mean about everything will make him a unique individual...a saw a kid on tv,his parents talk to him like an adult,the kid had a good character..i always wanted my parents to tell me the truth,they were embarrased sometimes,maybe? i was mad when i found out the tooth fairy was my parents!!!lol!!! really....i was sad also,lies are never good.
i myself,from my eyes,i seen from my friends also,parents hit them because they dont wanna sit down and explain to them why is that bad...its quicker right?  :confused:
spoiling bad,hitting bad,find the middle passage.love, and like abuja said they require punishment,but it doesnt have to be a belt or shoe...
allah knows best!
:handshake:

Elke

Peace all,

asperin i agree with your post.

I try to answer my kids questions truthfully, whatever they are about - and used to get a lot of opposition from my ex husband when we still lived together...

Also try to not give only my point of vue - especially on philosophical religious matters - i want to open my kids minds so they'll chose their way and not make them into copies of myself.

About hitting, i also share your views. I havn't spanked them for a long time, they're too big now (13 and 9). But when smaller i used to talk to them, if they wouldn't listen i'd tell them that if they would not stop i would spank them (once, no beating up!). Had to do it a few times and not anymore...quite effective

lk
"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery ; none but ourselves can free our minds"
(Bob Marley, Redemption Song)

Abuja

All these are great and I appreciate the input.  Of course beating a child is always wrong.  No matter how it is done.  And of course there is a difference between spanking and beating.  And as far as I see it we should always tell our children the truth or as said above they will get confused and even be made or worse at you.  I feel that the biggest thing that should be done with a child at an early age (when they start learning things and can understand when you talk to them) parents must install the truth and the difference between right and wrong to there children early.  Other wise it would be nothing less then the parents fault when they do wrong.  And then how would you react and what would you do if you had to correct your child for doing the same thing you did.  Food for thought.

Sincerely, Larry/Abuja :sun:
Sincerely, Abuja

Latifah

Peace,

I'm against physical punishment. Simply because I used to get physically abused myself by my parents. They corrected me by spanking me, sometimes even with the belt. I got immune to that physical abuse and turned into a disrespectful brat. That's the risk of physical abuse. Your kids will turn against you. Love and understanding is the key. I wish my parents talked to me more then hitting me. Communication is the key.

:peace:

Heart
GOD wishes to lighten your burden, for the human being is created weak. [4:028 Quran/Final Testament]

Fahad

Salam.

I support spanking or beating for brats , but only as the last resort. The people most well-mannered and respectful-towards-their-parents that I have met are those whose parents were strict with them in their childhood. The brats might hate their parents for some time, as I used to when my parents used to become even a little strict with me, but later on they will realize, as I did, that it was better for them. My parents were not strict with me so I was the biggest brat among all relatives(Although now my younger brother has taken up that position, and he is much bigger than I was. He is a role model for all brats). But now I think that my parents should have been strict with me, and even used the belt if required. That would have been better for me and better for my siblings and cousins who incurred my wrath.
[url=http://takhlees.blogspot.com/]Takhlees[/url] - [url=http://www.takhlees.blogspot.com]www.takhlees.blogspot.com[/url]

Lobster

peace
I am completely against hitting children. Parents have a huge influence on children, and when they see their parents use sticks to beat them, that's what they'll do to other kids. You're making your kids violent.
Children need to realize that their actions have consequences (good for good, bad for bad) but it needs to be in a constructive way. I don't mind parents being "strict" but hitting or beating your children is not good.
`What lies before us and what lies behind us is nothing compared to what lies within us.` - Emerson

'Phoenix! You are in Hot water, maybe you should change your name to Lobster.' - Khalil