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Messages - sarah_bd_gemini

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A little background about me. I am a cis-gendered woman so this isnít something I have experienced. I have, like you, enjoyed playing with toy cars, Lego, video games and have never been interested in dolls as a child. As an adult almost all of my interests would be described as masculine (computer programming, engineering, video games, DIY) and I have never been interested in makeup. I have heard on multiple occasions from different people that I do not act in a feminine way at all.
However, and this is an important distinction I have noticed between myself and a friend I have talked to in detail about gender dysphoria (heís a trans man) is the level of comfort in oneís own skin. I feel comfortable in my own body, how it looks, and I like dressing up in a feminine manner for special occasions. He, on the other hand, has always had an antagonistic relationship to his body, from a very young age. And exactly as you said in your post, his feelings changed from his childhood to his teenage years and will probably fluctuate even from then to early adulthood. This is why I think that irreversible measures shouldnít be taken unless the personís an adult and has had a persistent desire to transition, one that has been consistent for at least a few years.
I think this discomfort in oneís own body deserves attention as a sign that something is wrong, but I do not know if it necessarily means that things will improve post-transition, but if there is one thing I am sure of, is that the current situation seems bad enough that one must do so.
Might I ask what you mean by God directly speaking to your heart concerning the gender of your soul compared to your genetic gender? I consider myself to be culturally Muslim but my beliefs are probably best described as agnostic deism. I do not think my understanding of Islam and agnostic deism to be mutually exclusive or even contradictory, and I do not believe that a just God would want you to experience social isolation or pain. I do not think itís wise for you to lose family and friends on account of becoming Muslim publicly. You should see Islam as a guide to live a fulfilling life while remaining true to yourself, and genuine in your interactions with others. There is no monastic sect in Islam for this reason, among others. I donít think there is anything wrong with converts choosing to hide their Muslim identity from family to maintain the peace, especially so if itís temporary. People take time to come to terms with change, and I think it helps to gradually bridge a gap.
I am not saying that you should live a lie with your close friends and family, but to actively make genuine human connections based on who you really are, and not on what image you portray, or any specific part of your identity. Itís better, in my experience, to have a few people who you are close to and have an authentic relationship with, than to have many acquaintances.
I hope you find the community and friends you are looking for, and feel free to PM me.


To be honest, i never really felt attracted to Barbies and pink stuff, and could enjoy playing cars, lego and even adventures. Whilst i certainly did secretly admire some other female things. The only thing i knew was that i wasn't supposed to be a man, but at that age i could not possibly jump to the conclusion that i was supposed to be a woman. Neither can all those young girls who claim they can. In fact, a lot of them will turn out to be normal heteronormative heterosexual men. Perhaps they'll have tendancy to cross-dress, but in generally they will live a normal life.
If you say at that age that you know something for certain, well, then you are stupid. I am disgusted by how the media is constantly bringing up that story whilst the truth about transgenders is very different.

My opinion is that if you feel in your heart that the gender of your soul is different from your genetic gender, then it's God who directly speaks to your heart. I believe God spoke directly to my heart to guide me towards my answers. This is a very different feeling to shallow reasons like gender presentation.

Following my heart is the same reason i developed a big interest in discovering Islam, because nobody would want to be a muslim in this era of unseen islamophobia here in Europe if it didn't come straight from the heart. I am not forced to become muslim, and nobody even tried to convince me to do it. I just feel i like i've been called by God. Despite the fact that i might not be accepted by his other followers. I do think that not being accepted is a test by god to know if what i'm doing comes really from the heart. No transgender person in a western country would even think of reverting to Islam if they think they can gain unfair advantages by it, as i'm likely to lose more than i gain, (in terms of measureable things, as of course Gods love is not measureable)I will lose a lot of family and friends and probably never be accepted by the community. Still i feel i have to do this. (after tall, one of the greatest sins is turning your back to God when he calls you)

-You do have to accept that men and women do have some differences, and thefore be willing to give up some male privileges. This is a big problem with transgender people in the west, who want to keep the rights of their birth gender. I find this way of thinking arrogant.

And yes, i am seeking the guidance of gender specialists. I can only hope they appreciate my honesty, and not turn me down because i'm not 'woman enough' for them.

Personally, my feeling is purely based on what i feel on my heart, and does not really seem to follow commonly accepted logic. So please don't ask me to explain how i fit into the traditional transgender story, because i don't. And i don't believe these clichť stories for one bit, because i've seen it from the inside how 'real' those stories really are.

I again apologise for my very western way of writing, and if i have any misconceptions, please feel welcome to correct me.
response to bolded statements in the next post.

And interestingly, some of the people here are more right than they themselves realise.

The so called fact that transgenders knew they were female from their birth is a big misconception which doesn't match the behind the scenes truth that only insiders of trans communities know. I've talked to many trans people as an insider, and it almost always felt as if all of them were telling lies about how they were as a kid.  Sometimes you can really see when some people are 'fake' and telling themselves lies. (Of course, not all of them were fake)
Why are they telling themselves these lies? Well, there's a two reasons.

1) The transgender community is - despite claiming to be open and understanding - in reality very conservative and elitist. An explanation for this is that the older transgenders had to fight hard for their rights to be like they currently are, and are unable to cope with newer generations of transgender people who have new, more realistic insights in trans topics. Therefore, those older people will exclude anyone who thinks different. They obtained a monopoly on the transgender community and they tell you how you should behave. Their ideas are often based on old-fashioned gender ideas (like clothing, toys, many things that have been discussed here, but are only very shallow things).  This leads to the situation that the people who have heartfelt gender dysphoric feelings will either not talk about their feelings or either pretend they're the same as the old generation. Keeping the hypocrite system intact. This is a huge problem, as it prevents gender researchers to get access to the full picture. Even though the youngest of generations seem to have a positive impact, they generally don't like to associate themselves with the community for the same reasons, and thus even enlarging misconceptions. People with realistic expectations about being a woman (or being a man) are not welcomed, because it doesn't fit the ideal picture these people are telling themselves. That's why i'm personally disgusted with these communities and this prevented me from coming out of the closet, despite taking some efforts which took me years to find the courage.
I've met with multiple communities (both in real life and the internet), and this does not seem to be a local problem.
Because i had a different opinion, i was frowned upon by the community and largely ignored until i stopped coming to the communities. I have contact with only one person from all those many i met, as i felt this was the only person who was truly honest. I mention this because most cisgender people are unaware of how the trans community really works.
Remember the following line: The most transphobic people are trans people themselves.

2) Gender research is not up-to-date. 

You are entirely right about this. Practically speaking, if you have made a particular aspect of your identity, in this case, being transgender, the defining aspect, and have for your whole life acted as an activist, it's unlikely you will welcome anyone who makes you question that. In this case, that would mean younger transgender people with more realistic expectations concerning the transition, who the older people can't dismiss as being transphobic.


Also forgive me for bumping up a very, very old topic, but this is important for me.
I came upon this topic after searching questions about what Quran and Islam has to say about Transgender related topics, as i am myself transgender (altough closeted) and considering becoming muslim. Though i want to research islam more, because i'm not the person who likes to do impulsive things. I doesn't mean i will change my mind about this religion, but i do need to understand what it means to be muslim more before i can truly identify myself as muslim.
I could not find any other threads specifically on this subject (as most of them are dealing about homosexuality, but is not 100% relevant)

I would like to talk about my experiences in and visions about the trans community.

I have responded to this topic several years ago, and my understanding of this topic has evolved, and I plan to respond to the points you are making. As a first step though, I think you should probably talk to those who are both muslim AND transgender, and I'd like link you to these two articles. You are entirely right in thinking that there will be muslims who are transphobic, and trans people who will not understand your views on Islam and on being a muslim.

Science / Re: Theory of Evolution anyone ?
« on: May 15, 2012, 07:51:11 PM »
What is your position on divine intervention, or the lack thereof, in the evolution of life? and specifically in random mutation?

that it's unnecessary, hence random mutation followed by selection, is enough. Accumulation happens of beneficial changes, it's not going straight from no eye to a human eye in one generation, but gradations, from no eye, to light sensitive cells, which increase in complexity over generations, or start working together, then compound eyes, made up of simple eyes, rods, cones. My point is there are many steps in between that we can't see because eyes don't fossilise easily, but there are creatures with simpler eyes today that probably existed before as well.

anyway, my understanding of things is still evolving, so I can't say I have a fixed position on this or anything else. :)

Science / Re: The theory of Evolution disproved in 20 questions
« on: May 14, 2012, 07:54:27 PM »
The idea of full control can be easily extended to full awareness of how a system plays out. That's all.

this was interesting.

Science / Re: Theory of Evolution anyone ?
« on: May 14, 2012, 07:53:20 PM »

I disagree with the idea that devolution is just as likely. If there is devolution, then, natural selection will remove it from the gene pool, since it would reduce fitness. Evolution will enhance fitness, hence there will be larger numbers in the next generation.

Science / Re: The theory of Evolution disproved in 20 questions
« on: May 13, 2012, 01:41:55 AM »
Shalom Aleikhem,
A need for continuous perfection does not necessitate the need for continuous active and physical participation in the process. Think about "Auto-Pilot Systems", they are programmed in a way that they make the aircraft adapt to the physical circumstance without the necessity of any pilot interventions. If that is a human technology and product of our knowledge, do you want to argue that a God has to be inferior and actually keep on piloting the process to make it adapt to change ?

------------- Student of Allah

Thank you. That was my point precisely.

Science / Re: The theory of Evolution disproved in 20 questions
« on: May 08, 2012, 04:56:06 AM »
Evolution would be true when you put God in the picture....

I would say that this mechanism is amazing enough that it does not require further interference once the process has started... A God that creates a perfect system that does not require further input is more becoming of an omniscient being than one that has to tweak things from time to time, since things weren't perfect the first time around.

Science / Re: The theory of Evolution disproved in 20 questions
« on: May 06, 2012, 07:06:16 PM »

1. Evolution has no answer and is not concerned with "Origin of life" , let alone it's purpose.

So, one might stop bringing up origin of life and blending it with evolution.

2. Random mutations submit to God, willingly. Just as gravity submits, mass submits...everything does. By the way, did I mention before that mutations alone does not result in "evolution", it is one of the factors among many.

This however does not mean that God had to sit with a bucket full of dust and put them together with his very physical hands, similarly, God does not need to use a magic wand and say "shaka laka boom boom" to create beings. He sets the rules, the end product can not escape his calculations.

----------- Student of Allah

In addition, I would like to say that it is not required for there to be any input once life originates. The issue I see here is that the concepts of mutations and natural selection are accepted, but that we can get that result solely through random mutation (both positive and negative), followed by natural selection (environmental pressures), then by accumulation of beneficial/ neutral changes (hence we have vestigial organs). You (I mean everyone on this forum, not just you specifically) could read Richard Dawkin's 'The blind watchmaker' and 'Climbing mount improbable.' They are very well written, and would be a great way to spend a few hours.

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