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Messages - keno

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Peace be unto you all.

We have all experienced trials, tests, tribulation and hardship; some gets tested hard and some light. About 2 months after I converted I jumped off a 20 meter tall building in a psychotic episode and broke almost every bone in my body. This was in 2015 and now 4 and a half years later I have become stagnant and really often hopeless. I don't want whine about my physical hardships; it just makes me wonder why? I wanted to travel and make a living on my own, but now I am almost in a prison. God tells me to be patient, but I get these thoughts that God hates me and does not want to guide me. I feel that God is angry with me because I am just not able to do good things as much as I was able to do before. Is this the shaytan messing with my head?

On the flip side, God has shown me so many beautiful things in nature, in my thoughts, with the people around me and He has showed me that submission is done with starting with the Qur'an.

Many muslims are in wheelchairs, many are in troublesome family relationships, many are in  war torn countries Here I am, with a body so broken it rarely wants to leave the couch. I have it good, I just wonder why it almost seems like I'm not allowed to live a life with out physical pain and mental confusion. I hope for the mercy of God and that on the Last Day I can look at God smiling with the book in my right hand.

I want to be patient, but it is hard man. Deep, long lasting patients  really is my test for now.

I seek comforting words from you, my brothers and sisters.

May you a blessed day

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Introduce Yourself / Re: I'm a new, self-professed "Believer"
« on: August 23, 2019, 02:28:43 PM »
God talk to each of us directly.
Yet the actual means of communication varies... as there are zillion means of communication.
And He controls everything.

One thing for sure God was, is and will talk to you through your conscience... rely on it.


So true, when I was in the hospital begging God to restore my body to what it was I got the sensation that if that would happen I would just go back to my old ways, and after that I said "Thats not good enough!" Realizing that it was disrespectful to shun what I got as an answer I just said "Forgive me" and each time I said it I got serious shivers down my back.

Peace be upon you!

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General Issues / Questions / Re: Discord?
« on: August 23, 2019, 02:18:30 PM »
Peace my friends,

I thought it was a good idea to have some sort instant communication between fellow submitters either it be chatrooms or voice on a platform. Discord is free and easy for most to use.

Racism and other ideas of that nature should not be allowed obviously.

I have no experience with maintaining a discord, but I have some experience with volunteer work in a mental health discord, and just general over-voice leadership namely in videogames.

If this sparks an interest with people here, please come with suggestions and forward them to the admins on this forum, God willing.

Peace  :peace:

Keno

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Salam keno,

If you are indeed hearing a  divine voice it should be telling you to do more charity work, be kinds to people (even those that anger or hurt you), care for the orphan kids around you, stand up to modern day injustices induced by capitalism, corporate slavery, forsake idols such as money, give up human desires for material things. If the voice is telling you to jump off a roof it is not God. God WANTS us to LIVE and SERVE Him by doing the things mentioned. That way when we meet Him we will have a lifetime of deeds to show Him.

Thanks!

I don't give that period of my life much thought anymore, it has been over 4 years now. Whats kind of funny is that there was no voice commanding me to do anything when I was standing on top of the roof. It was purely my own conviction that the things I had been doing up to that point where "right". When I was standing there I thought to myself "What am I doing up here?!" and then I felt an urge to jump and convinced myself that when I jump I would be catched by angels. When I was in the air I understood, I just understood. Boom! Blackness...nothingness and suddenly light and clear sight. No pain, just a paramedic asking me my name and my date of birth. Then drowsiness and blurred vision. I was convinced that I was on my way to hell, but 8 months later I was back on my feet. What sometimes worries me, and makes me lose scope of both myself and Gods word is that I think that I had my one chance, and now I just live in order to accumulate sin, but as I write that it just sounds delusional. And I may be delusional sometimes, but as stated in the OP, God has led me to draw this conclusion about our doctrine and I am slowly learning. I can become very impatient with both myself and God from time to time, but I try to keep a cool head.

God willing I will try to stay active on this forum to both aid myself and others. Next Wednesday I'm going with my brother (who does not believe in God, or at least that is what he says) to a place where people with mental problems, injuries and those willing to learn and reflect upon what life can actually be like for some, meet and make food, play games, participate in activities etc etc God willing I will find some solace there and be an inspiration for others in the same sphere of life that I am in.

Peace brother.

Keno

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General Issues / Questions / Discord?
« on: August 22, 2019, 05:40:21 PM »
Peace brothers and sisters.

Is there a dedicated discord for this forum?

Keno

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Introduce Yourself / Re: I'm a new, self-professed "Believer"
« on: August 22, 2019, 05:32:10 PM »
Peace be upon you my friend.

When you said that you heard God speak to you, my eyes lit up. Not to say that we have the same starting point, but boy it surely is similar.

It says in the Quran 42:51

And it is for a mortal that God should speak to him only by instruction or from behind a barrier or send a messenger to give instruction by his leave in what he wills. He is exalted, wise.

You talked about seeing a snake or the tail of a snake, and also that you where not to open your eyes until told otherwise..

My real introduction to islam was a result of of both hearing a voice, a voice of awesome might, telling me that I "had to understand" and that I had to fast for 40 days. I also saw an awesome snake slithering on the wall. It frightened me.  The whole ordeal ended up with me jumping from a  20 meter tall building and shattering my body. Read my introduction post on this sub-forum for a clearer picture.

So it got me pondering about the whole idea of God and I just stopped after I came home from the hospital, but gradually I found bits and pieces about relying on the Quran and here I am seeking to share ideas and experiences.

I don't understand this verse properly, but given what the verse says you could see that maybe the Quran is the instruction and if you talk to someone from behind a barrier you wouldn't be able to hear, but the words where spoken none the less

So does God talk to us directly like he did with Moses, or are we supposed to rely upon the Quran in order to "hear" God talk to us. I mean in my case, why would the message be so cryptic and lead me to jumping of a buidling believing that I would be catched by angels? The psychiatrist went with psychosis in my case, but I believe that the experience has a higher meaning than medical terms. Given that you experienced something similar it further semets that idea in my opinion.

God bless you.

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May there be peace upon those who read this.

I go by the username keno a sort of anagram of joken a name which was given to me by my third-cousin at a young age. I wont go into much detail about my personal story, I do however write this in order to relfect upon what happened when I was first introduced to God and the events that lead shortly after.

I met a man in 2015, he was dealing in marijuana and considered himself a free thinker and a muslim. We hit it off and had many evenings where we talked about God, society and life. After a while I moved in with him and suddenly found myself calling to God and acknowledging him. Some time after I developed a psychosis, according to the psychiatrist anyway,I heard an awesome voice of might that wasn't there and it said "You have to understand" repeatedly and concluded that I had to fast for 40 days. I did so, but stopped at 37 days. During the whole time I prepared to pilgrimage on foot from where I live. I got about 1 km outside my home and ended upon a roof and jumped about 20 meters down convinced that angels would catch me. I broke a lot of bones and stayed 8 months in hospital.

That my backstory, after my injuries I have become stagnant, but God never took his eye off me and he has lead me to his book. I often despair, lose hope and try to seek help in others, but ultimatly God is the Helper, the Wise. He saved me in that fall, and has since showered me with both good times and some affliction. I hope to educate my family about my experience and my(and our and all mankinds) doctrine.

I hope to have the courage to talk to you guys and share ideas and ponder about the word of God. God willing.

Peace.


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