Peace
Grew up being raised by my great grandmother. My parents divorced I think a few months after I was born.
I remember praying in school, possibly as young as 5. My great grandmother said she was a Catholic. There was a bible in my father's apartment. I prayed with my sister at night. I did not read much scripture, if at all. So growing up I never thought very seriously about the existence of a Creator, I think I simply believed in it but there wasn't much else.
School year of 2011-2012, I begin listening to Jimi Hendrix music. I begin to listen more to songs like "Machine Gun", "If Six was Nine", etc. I began to study the corruption in this world. During this time I was heavily smoking marijuana and soon began experimenting with other things, not for the purpose of just tripping out, but during this time I was meditating for hours nightly, and I used the psychedelics I think as a way to further the goals of my meditation, which I think was to achieve constant peace, and also I enjoyed it. I think that around this time I had the thought that I think has formed my life:
I do not want to die unless I know for certain that after I die, strangers will remember who I was because of the good things that I did.
After that, my life began changing, very quickly. I quickly saw everything wrong about the education system. I thought to myself and knew that I wanted to achieve my goals, and school was not helping me in anyway, and possibly stopping me. So I began going less and less then no more.
December of 2011, I somehow began watching videos on youtube about dog's who were beaten or in cages or something. I began crying severely, I don't think I ever did that before when watching Anything, no movies or anything, I went into the living room and began panicking, having the thoughts of why am I here and why is there so much evil and pain and etc... I think I either yelled at Allah or asked for help, I would rather think I asked for help, but I'm not sure. Later that night, after continuing the videos and government corruption and etc browsing, I somehow ended up at a Jesus website and someone was trying to convince me that the Anti-Christ will come soon, and down the page, it said Repent to Jesus or whatever. After experiencing that panic I had earlier that day, and hearing about Christianity since I was a child, I quickly accepted that.
April 2012- I was in a state where I did not know whether to pray to God or Jesus. Somehow, I don't think I even had any part in it, but I think my brain could not equate the two. I asked the Creator for help. Not too long after that I no longer believed that Jesus was God, and stopped calling myself a Christian. I began to call myself a Muslim. I guess I was a Sunni but I don't think I ever called myself that.
July-August 2012- I dropped out of school. My great grandmother was going to die soon because of cancer. The only thing I could think of to use for my future was the guitar. No job. All day, all night, to work. Keep working, remain dedicated. But there was a problem, Hadith Followers say that musical instruments are prohibited. However, I didn't blindly believe some scholars after hearing them. I studied on my own. I didn't find anything about the prohibition of musical instruments in the Qur'an, and somehow, I didn't much think about it, but I did not follow the Hadith about musical instruments. I simply did not realize it. I think about it now and I think "wow".
I prayed the 5 daily prayers, but changed the polytheistic part to "peace be upon prophet muhammad". I learned that there is no verse in the Qur'an or command found in the hadith books to pray into your hands like your trying to catch Allah's blessings or whatever the reason was. I think I began to distrust those who called themselves muslim.
I found a hadith about shaving the mustache, plucking the armpit hair, shaving the pubic hair front and back, or something similar to that, and I was very angry. I did not understand how this could help me in any way. I was probably shocked, I think I was angry because I think I knew that if I was going to agree to this, I would have to close the logic part of my brain, because even trying to think of a reason for that made me angry. I asked, I don't know how many times, possibly 100 times, I asked Allah for help, to guide me. I found someone talking about following the Qur'an alone. I read their arguments. I read the Hadith followers arguments. Later I called myself a Quranist, however I think that was the only time I ever called myself that. I try to be muslim.
Right now, I am alone in my home. My great grandmother passed months ago. I possibly play around 3-6 hours every day.
If, in possibly a decade, I can use my guitar playing skills to gain the media's attention, I plan to quickly use the media to spread what is really in the Qur'an. I plan to spread the Qur'an alone movement. I plan to quickly find people who can call themselves leaders and they become leaders in the movement in regions in the world. I think I can say without lying that sometimes I have difficulty controlling my patience. I remember one night I closed my eyes, noticed it was very quiet, and I thought perhaps I had died and I feel an amazing feeling as I open my eyes, and I'm sitting there in the quiet room... I may have cancer right now, actually, and when thinking about it there was some panic, but I think that was about the experience I would go through if it is cancer, then I thought about dying from it, and I felt so peaceful, so relaxed, and almost cried from happiness. So I do not care if I am assassinated, that is why I want to quickly call for more people who are also willing to risk their lives to spread the truth. Added to the Qur'an alone movement, I plan to call for a change, no more sitting around waving signs holding the peace sign up, clearly they see us but they don't care, it is time for serious physical justice. George W Bush would probably get the death penalty if he is tried for genocide. In fact, every single leader of every single country, in my opinion, must be removed and served justice for remaining silent while the corrupt governments massacre innocent families. In fact, I think we are all responsible as well, however we do not have much choice. We pay for the bullets that kill children, however if we don't, we lose our shelter and starve to death. So there will probably be more people who will want to shoot me. Then added to that, I will spread the mathematical miracle, that you might know as "code 19". Added to that, I believe that they murdered a messenger. I believe that the messenger in America was for a reason. I believe, from dreams I have been having for around 3 years, from verses in the Qur'an and the Torah, that America will be destroyed. Either by war, or by the people. I hope it is by the people, but I have more reason to believe that it will be because of nuclear war. I will also spread the truth of the Israelites. By reading the Torah, then searching through a history book, you can very quickly know who the Children of Israel really are.
