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Peace be unto you all.

We have all experienced trials, tests, tribulation and hardship; some gets tested hard and some light. About 2 months after I converted I jumped off a 20 meter tall building in a psychotic episode and broke almost every bone in my body. This was in 2015 and now 4 and a half years later I have become stagnant and really often hopeless. I don't want whine about my physical hardships; it just makes me wonder why? I wanted to travel and make a living on my own, but now I am almost in a prison. God tells me to be patient, but I get these thoughts that God hates me and does not want to guide me. I feel that God is angry with me because I am just not able to do good things as much as I was able to do before. Is this the shaytan messing with my head?

On the flip side, God has shown me so many beautiful things in nature, in my thoughts, with the people around me and He has showed me that submission is done with starting with the Qur'an.

Many muslims are in wheelchairs, many are in troublesome family relationships, many are in  war torn countries Here I am, with a body so broken it rarely wants to leave the couch. I have it good, I just wonder why it almost seems like I'm not allowed to live a life with out physical pain and mental confusion. I hope for the mercy of God and that on the Last Day I can look at God smiling with the book in my right hand.

I want to be patient, but it is hard man. Deep, long lasting patients  really is my test for now.

I seek comforting words from you, my brothers and sisters.

May you a blessed day

General Issues / Questions / Discord?
« on: August 22, 2019, 05:40:21 PM »
Peace brothers and sisters.

Is there a dedicated discord for this forum?


May there be peace upon those who read this.

I go by the username keno a sort of anagram of joken a name which was given to me by my third-cousin at a young age. I wont go into much detail about my personal story, I do however write this in order to relfect upon what happened when I was first introduced to God and the events that lead shortly after.

I met a man in 2015, he was dealing in marijuana and considered himself a free thinker and a muslim. We hit it off and had many evenings where we talked about God, society and life. After a while I moved in with him and suddenly found myself calling to God and acknowledging him. Some time after I developed a psychosis, according to the psychiatrist anyway,I heard an awesome voice of might that wasn't there and it said "You have to understand" repeatedly and concluded that I had to fast for 40 days. I did so, but stopped at 37 days. During the whole time I prepared to pilgrimage on foot from where I live. I got about 1 km outside my home and ended upon a roof and jumped about 20 meters down convinced that angels would catch me. I broke a lot of bones and stayed 8 months in hospital.

That my backstory, after my injuries I have become stagnant, but God never took his eye off me and he has lead me to his book. I often despair, lose hope and try to seek help in others, but ultimatly God is the Helper, the Wise. He saved me in that fall, and has since showered me with both good times and some affliction. I hope to educate my family about my experience and my(and our and all mankinds) doctrine.

I hope to have the courage to talk to you guys and share ideas and ponder about the word of God. God willing.


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