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Topics - martha1031

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Introduce Yourself / Intro
« on: December 30, 2014, 05:54:34 PM »

I really don't know where to start. I call myself a submitter, although I am noticing several call themselves Quranists. I think the road to true Islam has had its ups and downs. Officially, I converted on a website in October of this year. In a sense though, I have practiced with all sincerity submission to God for many years. I did not know much about Islam until recently, but I have prayed for many years, payed zakat for many years, and fasted for several years. Upon my conversion, I committed myself, maybe too soon, to wearing hijab and finding people in the Islamic community that could help me on my path. Maybe a sense of doubt or insecurity led me to the website where I just recently learned about Dr. Rashad Khalifa and the corruption of hadiths. Currently, I am attending a Sunday class at a Masjid not far from where I live, and I'm having second thoughts. Feeling this way, makes me ask myself what have I done, and I'm wondering if I've isolated myself from mainstream society. Now, I'm hesitant to commit myself to the Sunday class assignments which include learning Arabic and learning more and more prayers in Arabic. Now I've learned that the Contact Prayers and Ablution have been corrupted with extra steps. Now I've learned that Islam is universal, and there is no need to learn Arabic or change my name (which I don't plan to do). I'm following the Salats explained on which has motivated me greatly to continue as a Submitter. Honestly, I think I've become emotionally and mentally tired for several weeks now trying to analyze which is the best path for me. I continue to wear the hijab, not out of compulsion, but as an expression of my beliefs, and also based on what I accept as a tradition, in this case, of Muslims worldwide, yet I torment myself wondering if I'm idol-worshipping by wearing a scarf on my head. I have become more modest in dress and plan to stay on this path. I seriously wonder what I'm doing religious-wise way too often, but Alhamdulillah, by the end of the day I surrender and find peace in the belief that God will take me to the right place.

I've been reading a lot on Dr. Rashad Khalifa, and I think what has fascinated me the most is the mathematical miracle which he discovered and the number 19 of which he speaks. I learned about a true numerology which describes the number 19 as the Prince of Heaven. Not all numbers are graced with such a description and I've always understood the number 19 to be a very fortunate number. In all honesty, I believe in astrology, fruitarianism, and other things which traditional Muslims would probably call haram. I could never call haram the very things which led me to prayer, charitability, fasting, and a firm belief that Jesus is not God nor did he come to save us from sin. I call myself a Submitter because I found in Islam the very pillars which I adopted through an initial interest in astrology. In much of the traditional concepts I'm learning is Islam, I tend to perceive a fatalistic interpretation of the purpose of this life, and I negate that interpretation entirely. Well, this is me, often unsure of where I'm headed at least the last several weeks.

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