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Thank you for the response brother/sisters.

I understand how the wider picture depicts a reality where women are at a disadvantage.

However, I still don't understand why this justifies having rules for men and not for women.

Granted that women have been and are at a significant disadvantage when it comes equality but a lot of these disadvantages are not applicable to women in certain side of the World.
Similarly the role of a man has changed over time as well.

To give an example

It was men who were exposed to the most dangerous jobs and their life expectancy was lower.
Nowadays, men that are not exposed to that level of danger, do not go around acting like how difficult their life is.
However, if we think about maintaining a family, it has become considerably more difficult for men to maintain a family, yet the pressure and obligation of looking after the family lie solely on their income.

Women have been at a considerable disadvantage but now their circumstances are not the same.
In the UK, for example, they do not face the same level of danger they did back then
Looking after the house has become easier (appliances that facilitate the job)
Child bearing has become easier and safer with the progress of science.

The above is not to say that what women are going through it's easy, but it feels like that with time, the changes that have occurred in women's life are usually highlighted, mens issues are not.

In a relationship, a wife can simply use the Quran to show what the duties of a husband are but it's not accountable for anything as there are no verses in the Quran about the duties of a wife.

In the circumstances I am currently, I am committing a sin if I decide not to look after my wife and child financially, I am committing a sin if I don't look after them and the house but there's no burden/accountability on her and she'd be committing no sin if if decides not to take parts in these roles.

Thank you Wakas
Yes, I am referring to the Quran based ruling.

Based on my Quranic studies, the default role of the husband is the breadwinner/provider for the family/household. Technically the wife does not even need to look after the children/house. Perhaps the only exception is the breastfeeding/nursing period.

Agreement with her aside, is this even fair when it comes to husband and wife rights?
Women's right have been a matter for debate and controversy in Islam on the idea that they are not seen as equals.
The above is not true obviously and I always thought the Quran will be fair when it comes to being fair to both men and women.
However, if the role of a husband is clear and that of a wife is open to discussion (where based on the Quran she can do whatever she wants to) then how is this a fair setup?

I am keen on understanding the Quranic take on the roles of a husband and wife.
The responsibilities given to them, how equal are they?
plus I've seen some duties being very clear when it comes to the husband only but not when it comes to the wife.
For example, financial responsibilities and looking after the the wife/children and house is in the Quran for the husband. what about the wife?
I will really appreciate if someone can show me verses in the quran that touch this subject.

Thank you

Before getting married, I discussed the setup we'd like to adopt as a husband and wife in our relationship.

We both agreed on a more contemporary setup, being one where we will put equal effort in every aspect of our life, meaning equal financial contribution, house chores and so on.

Aspect where we couldn't achieve that, we balanced it but doing something else (i.e she's better at cooking so I look after the grocery, house work etc)

We also agreed that once she goes into maternity leave, I'll take over all the finances, which is what I've done.

Now that she's on maternity leave, we had some arguments and she brought this matter up saying using Islam to make a point, be that as a husband it is my duty to provide financially anyway as well as to look after the family.

She rubbed this on my face a few times before as well and I let it go. I now asked her what's the point of bringing this up when we clearly agreed on our arrangements and we have both been honouring them.

The reason why she brought it up was to tell me how in Islam the man has the duty of providing financially as well as looking after the family and the women doesn't have to do anything unless the man is absent, in which case she looks after the family.

I have always tried to be fair and rather than using religion to set some roles, I looked at the circumstances and thought it would be nice to have a setup where everyone does everything.

However, now that my role is to provide financially, I'd have thought that it would be her to role to look after the house primarily, and obviously, after work, I would help where I can.

I have seen clear verses in the Quran showing the role of a man when it comes to looking after the family and providing financially but I did not see clear verses about the role of a woman.

Can anyone help me understand, based on Quranic verses only, what the roles, duties are of a husband and wife?

Thank you

As the title suggests, I'm curious about people's thoughts on what's their definition of Feminism.

The definition it's clear at first

the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

However, as you dive into this enormous labyrinth of social/cultural/religious protocols, you quickly start to realise how distorted this definition becomes.

The discourse on this matter is long and complicated so I would like to discuss this ideology on specific aspects.

If you're an advocate of feminism, how do you apply it in your day to day life in a Marriage?

How do you uphold the values of this ideology and how do you expect your spouse to uphold them?

Thank you

Unfortunately I don't see such behaviours as the norms and I've explained in my posts why
If she was a shy person, I wouldn't have made this topic because I can understand shy people need time to open up, which is perfectly understandable

As I mentioned in my earlier posts, she would always reply to my questions properly and then ask the same question but that's about it

There was no effort from her side to initiate a conversation. Her being reactive and not proactive created a lot of issues because imagine being a guy who's the one constantly asking all the questions, eventually you'll run out of them (which is what happened) and you'll start feeling like your forcing a conversation, not a good feeling

Thank you guys
your inputs are really helpful
I'm pakistani and yes some of the methods (not willing to meet alone for a coffee etc are seen as orthodox ) but it's really puzzling considering the family is educated, so is the girl, she lives in the uk and works here. So I would expect both the family but most importantly the girl to understand that it is her right to interrogate me as it is mine to her...it's for a serious reason, we're not talking about dating

As I've explained in my earlier posts, the girl is talkative in a sense that she replies to all my questions (she could leak something bad about her by answering my questions ) and bounces the same questions back to me. However, the whole situation seems more like her being reactive than proactive

It is difficult for me to perceive a girl that is educated, works, comes from an educated family, seems to have interesting views about different topics, being incapable to understand that there must be effort from her side as well to get to know me if she's interested

When she displays herself in the manner above and does these few things (not initiating a conversation, feeling uncomfortable about meeting for a coffee), it creates a lot of confusion in my head as I can't seem to understand how these two different behaviours/views are linked to each other

The only thing that comes to my mind is that she could be doing this because she feels some kind of pressure(you know how it is in our culture) and by behaving in such manner, she hopes I'll say no and she'll get what she wants

I do like her but would never go for a relationship knowing there was some kind of pressure but when I asked her, she tells me she's interested and this is just how she is and that I might be feeling she's not interested because she's an introvert

I honestly don't understand 

That's the problem, I don't know whether that's just playing hard to get or is actually someone being under pressure
Meeting is out of questions, I asked her and she only agreed to meet for coffee after I insisted that it's important for us to get to know each other alone but she still asked her parent's permission to do that

It's a very tricky situation as I'm struggling to understand her intentions, if I know that it's normal for girls to behave like this:
-reply to all questions but never ask questions of her own
-never initiate a conversation
-if i don't contact, never be contacted
then I can make the effort to get to know here
if this is an indicator that she might be under pressure somehow then I can leave it and move on

Assalamualeikum

I didn't know where to ask this question and after reading some of the topics on this section, I felt like this might be the most appropriate place.

I need some advice on a situation I'm currently dealing with (I hope both men and especially women on this site can provide their perspective)

I met a woman through my family, we went to see them, they came to see us and eventually we exchanged numbers so that I and the girl can get to know each other better

We are all muslims, both from good families and felt like there's nothing to be alarmed, obviously too early too jump to any conclusions.

The girl is well educated, career focused but also family oriented, when we speak, she's always been very nice and responded to all of my questions

However, I kept getting the feeling she's not interested and she's holding herself back

The reason why I think this is because:
- On our first meet I asked plenty of questions and whilst she replied to all, her questions were simply redirecting my questions to me
- On the second meet the situation was the same, with the exception that she did ask me one question of her own
- Over the phone the situation was the same, I would ask question, she will politely answer all of them and bounce the same question back to me but no questions from her side
- I didn't contact her for 3 days and she never tried to contact me either

- Right after our first meet, I told my family that she might not be interested but then their family wanted a second meet

My family told me that she might be a shy person, however she never gave the impression of being shy, a shy person will struggle to answer, will limit herself to short answers, all patterns I didn't notice in her

- I have also, implicitly, explained her that I feel like she's not interested and she told me that she and her family is interested, they will never waste anyone's time if they weren't, she also added that I might perceive this because she's an introvert person

Now I'm genuinely struggling to understand this person. Communication is key and effort must be from both side; there are situations where people are shy so don't know what to do but this doesn't even look like one of those case.

Do you think it's normal for some girls to behave like this? They simply answers to questions like it's an interview, bounce back the same question but no effort in initiating any kind of conversation

I'm asking this because my concern is that the girl might be under pressure and with all the sad things going on with arrange marriages where you find family hiding things, now that they found someone genuine, the family might be asking her to give it a go but she might not have the same feeling

I just don't know what to do, I like the girl but I want to make sure the feelings are reciprocal, intents speak louder than words and I'm making the effort to know her but don't get the same impression but I feel like I might be wrong as some girls are like that, although I never came across one like this

[conscience and senses]

Voila.. Right On..

The Majority of humankind that is living today (around 7.6 Billion) doesn't have any mean to study directly a book written in Arabic script titled Quran. That is a fact.
The Majority of humankind that has ever lived (much more than 100 Billion) doesn't have any mean to study directly a book written 1400-1300 years ago in Arabic script titled Quran. That is also fact.

Yet all are not devoid of guidance, because true God's guidance came from conscience and senses..
You might find some part of Hadiths or Quran or Bible (or put the name of your favorite holy books here) "disturbing", something inside you tells you that 'this must not be right'.
That is your conscience talking... follow it... and not the books/scripture/saying of holy man / clerics etc..

Unfortunately, I can't see the conscience and senses being the guiding force for the simple reason that they are relative to environmental factors such as society we live in, circumstances and many other aspects so that basically means that each individual is setting his/her own baseline as to what is acceptable/restricted/allowed/harmful etc.

Suicide is known to be a bad thing for the majority of people, yet such behaviour was and is frequent in some subcontinents of India where women will immolate themselves right after the death of their husband (called "sati")

the conscious is made of elements around us, experiences, lessons, mistakes and considering that every person would have a unique set of these parameters, it also means that their conscious will be different. If we all decide to follow our conscious, it will be chaos (not that it isn't not but I don't see how following conscious and senses can make life any better)