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General Issues / Questions => Introduce Yourself => Topic started by: Jane on June 12, 2014, 05:40:45 PM

Title: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Jane on June 12, 2014, 05:40:45 PM
I need a new name for myself (like seriously in real life) - birth name is stupid, unisex name that grates on me, no one ever says/spells it right and since am no longer in contact with the crazy people who put it upon me, I have decided now is time to change it officially by deed poll soon! God-willing. Not spur of moment thing - have been planning it for years! Have shortlist, just can't decide which one.  What do you think? My surname starts with an R, that will stay same, just need something that goes with that...all of the following are related to my actual name or something in my family: choose favourite!
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Existential1 on June 12, 2014, 06:33:54 PM
Make it match your forum name  ;D
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: JavaLatte on June 12, 2014, 09:41:51 PM
I need a new name for myself (like seriously in real life) - birth name is stupid, unisex name that grates on me, no one ever says/spells it right and since am no longer in contact with the crazy people who put it upon me, I have decided now is time to change it officially by deed poll soon!

Bold:  Your parents??

Peace.
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: huruf on June 12, 2014, 11:28:35 PM
With which would you feel more comfortable if some one, calls you. Imagine yourself being called, which one would sound to you more like you?

I like Jane. Sound humane and popular.
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: mmkhan on June 13, 2014, 05:49:30 AM
Salaam,

To me changing name is not necessary at all as it is just to identify.
If you still like to change, I like Jane because I know you with that name ;)


May Allah bless you :pr
mmKhan
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Zulf on June 13, 2014, 07:09:04 AM
Peace!

Go for whatever name feels intuitively good to you.

Meanwhile let me just share something. I always disliked the idea of changing names when converting. I know this does not apply to your situation, nor to mine, but I'd like to share my thought any way. So, I was always against changing to so called Muslim names for several reasons. I hated that the Muslims looked down upon your old name, and I hated that people thought that your identity was in the name. I hated that people wanted to change your identity when converting (though I've never converted from anything to anything).

Lately however, I have gain some alternate views, and that is that changing one's name can be very powerful. It can be a boost to your identity upgrade. It can reinforce the newly aspects to your life, and in this sense it can be good to change names, or at least to add a name. The only thing you should be careful about is to run away from something, to suppress something. I have known some people who wanted to change names because they were sick of their lives... but obviously, changing names would not solve their lives. They had other issues within themselves to sort out. You can expand and add to your life and identity by adding or changing names, but I think we should be careful and think twice if there is something we want to get rid of.

In any case, select a nice name for yourself and invest some happy, prosperous and bright sentiments into it.
Best of luck!
 :sun:
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Man of Faith on June 13, 2014, 07:27:02 AM
Peace Zulf,

The interesting thing is that they want us to  strictly change into an Arabic name.

I am planning on changing my own name by the way, to one of my other registered names. I find the meaning of my birth name to have an immodest meaning and the other one, 'Emanuel' to have a quite good meaning.

God bless you
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Zulf on June 13, 2014, 08:37:00 AM
Peace Zulf,

The interesting thing is that they want us to  strictly change into an Arabic name.

I am planning on changing my own name by the way, to one of my other registered names. I find the meaning of my birth name to have an immodest meaning and the other one, 'Emanuel' to have a quite good meaning.

God bless you

Yeah, as if a name is islamic just because it is arabic. It's so retarded. Didn't the names exist before Islam (prophet Muhammad/Quran)? Were the names not islamic then or what? I can be ok with someone changing names, even for religious reasons, if the do it for their own sake... but when people change names because other people say they should do so, to conform with religious etiquette, then I think it is just sick and retarded and I want to vomit on them. But I guess people often advice you out of ignorance and not malice.

By the way... one of my middle names is Emanuel... though I'm not really using it in practical life.  O0

Jane, or Jennifer, or anything else is nice. It's good to research the meaning of a name before selecting one. Like there are surnames I really cannot understand.. like Savage and similar or worse ones.

Peace!
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Bender on June 13, 2014, 05:21:13 PM

Jane, or Jennifer, or anything else is nice. It's good to research the meaning of a name before selecting one. Like there are surnames I really cannot understand.. like Savage and similar or worse ones.

Peace!

Salaam,

Especially with a Carrot  :yes

Salaam,
Bender
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: huruf on June 14, 2014, 05:52:06 AM
I got my two grandmothers' names. The second one I am glad it is indeed the second, for my taste a painful mention, it is not me at all and it was not very lucky for my grandmother. I trust she got a new one in Paradise. But the first one bothered me a little when I was little because it was so common. When it was called in the street half Spanish womanhood turned to attention. Later, and up till now, I love it. I would have it again and again and again.

I have complied a couple of times to take a few "muslim" names for the sake of expediency and without any intention whatsoever of ever using them. A pity they cannot be sold nor given as charity. And later still for some purposes I hyphenated mine and put Nur afterwards. That double name I do use for some purposes and occasions and do it with pleasure because that I do like it. But I always keep my grandmother's name that I like. I hope God likes it too and even if I fall short on virtues some time, may be my name helps a little.  :D :D :D


Salaam
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: good logic on June 14, 2014, 07:16:41 AM
Peace.

A story about a certain name:  Alexander.


Alexander the Greek had a good disciplined army. As well as being the leader, he  used to to be the main judge of those who do wrong in the army.
One day they brought up to him one of the soldiers who was charged with "cowardice"- lack of courage to fight- .

 Alexander :" What is your name soldier"?
The soldier : "My name is also Alexander".
Alexander: " But that is an honourable name. Cowards should not have such a name. However your name has saved you this time.
My advice to you soldier is to change your name or stop being a coward, change the way you live and keep that name".

So, I suppose  if your name manages to save you, keep it.

GOD bless you.
Peace.
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Jane on June 14, 2014, 02:59:28 PM
Thanks for all your comments. It's ironic that Zulf suggested 'Jennifer' as that is actually my sister's name! ;D. Some of you have been saying don't suppress anything or try and run away from yourself. I agree. I am worried about that, but the alternative - staying the same, is unthinkable. Really, a lot of people do it after going through a spiritual transformation, to reflect their new identity. Most notably to me the self-help guru Eckhart Tolle who changed his first name after he decided he found God/awareness for the first time at 29, it was like the old him had 'died' and he needed to be 'reborn' as the real him. That is kind of how I feel.   


Bold:  Your parents??

Peace.

Yeah I guess this requires more explanation. I know it sounds nasty but really they are unhinged. They both had abusive childhoods but never dealt with it and as a consequence they are both constantly angry, deluded people. They hate each other but refuse to divorce. My dad didn't even want children as he doesn't like them but my mother did so he gave in. When she was pregnant with me he came round to the idea. I think they wanted a first-born boy, a proper 'heir'. Actually most people do, don't they? When I was born I think they were disappointed. To my father I was not even a girl, I was just 'not a boy'. My parents decided to compromise by treating me as if I were one, part of this was giving me a uni-sex name that was originally used as a surname. My mother first wanted 'Alice' but this was rejected as 'too feminine'. They gave me blue stuff, dressed me in boys' clothes sometimes, even cut my hair short right up until age 7 when they got fed-up of me always trying to resist.

My younger sister who was also 'not a boy' but seen as they already had their 'like boy' they decided she got to be 'the girl' and she was given pink things. She had her hair cut short too but at least she was forgiven for crying and encouraged to be pretty etc. I had to be the tough one, was supposed to be clever instead of pretty. I was not allowed to cry or be sensitive EVER for this was weakness and was A Terrible Thing. Would get yelled at and/or hit if ever I was upset but didn't stop crying quickly enough for them. At least when we were children they could handle us, when we both started going through puberty and started turning into women, they both freaked out. My mother is uncomfortable with her own femininity and would mock me for some of the things I was doing. I tried to hide the way I was changing, but how can you?

She also projected a lot of her own problems on to me almost as if that way I could save her from them. A lot of them came down from her marrying my father who is violent and unsociable. People would avoid us because of him, she would get lonely and talk about their marriage to me all the time as if I was her therapist or something. Would always feel guilty for how unhappy she was. I was not allowed to be my own person, I was just like an extension of her or something. This is as well as her forcing the ludicrousness of catholicism on to me (guilt a big thing in catholicism!  :&).

Sometimes I wonder if my rejection of christianity and then descent into Islam at 16 was partly a way of asserting my own identity as something totally separate from her that was just 'mine'. I don't know. A lot of my family think the whole thing is hilarious of course and some of them mock me for any Islamic stuff that I have done as if it is a joke. There is worse stuff that happened but I wont go into it as it's just too scary.

Should have broken free at 18, gone to university and never looked back. But even though I was always so tired and angry of my mother complaining to me her whole life that I am not grateful enough, I held on 'cause you know - she is my mother and all, and we have always been like, joined at the hip. Right up until last september when she came to visit me and demanded I let her in so she could check up on how I was living, despite having just stayed overnight with me the previous week. I just snapped and refused to let her in my house. She got proper mad and said she was so fed up of me for my ingratitude that she was washing her hands of me and told me I am not even allowed to contact her anymore, until and this is literally what she said: 'you feel you have earned the right to'  ???. 

That was the last straw. I have given up now. Ironically, after she didn't hear from me she kind of panicked and tried several times to get me back under her control by writing to me telling me there is no way I can make it in life on my own without her and how ashamed of me she is for trying. But I am not even replying to anything she writes to me. Meanwhile my father is just glad I am out of his sight for good I think, I don't expect to hear from him again. My other family members are on the sideline, my grandmother, my mother's mother has always cared about me but she is really old now, the rest are under my mother's spell so I am outcast now I guess. Whatever.

Maybe it is a good thing. Maybe God is trying to pull me out of this hopelessness. It's Him I should be grateful to. In January I came into a lot of money thank God and I have since been able to move to a new place and none of my family even know the addresss.  Plus I just turned 30 last month and thought 'you know what? actually this is great - I am like a real, proper adult now!' :yay: 30 years lived trying to make my parents happy with me and I still failed. To think I have had eating disorders since I was 11 and a chronic illness since I was about 15. Sometimes I think it is the resentment I feel - it is literally making me ill. I have made myself ill by refusing to see the reality. I always made excuses for them and I would get angry with myself for it. Resentment and buried emotions is what causes cancer and auto-immune disorders in my opinion. Well I don't want it anymore. I want to get healthy now. It is possible to be cured completely from the disorder that I have God willing. People have done it medication free when they have made significant changes to their life - so be it. Damnit - I am having my self back now!! I am like, gonna be MY OWN PERSON NOW! Shock Horror. I don't need to take crap from anyone anymore. I don't want to be someone's pretend son anymore. I wanna be a proper woman now with a proper FEMALE name. Ha.

If only I could just figure out which is the one...I have been alternating betwen Ally, Alice, Jane, Anne and Rachel for the past year. I kind of feel like I want to stick with an 'A' name as I respond to that sound and Rachel was actually the name I always planned on calling my daughter if I ever had one so maybe I shouldn't steal it. But Jane (my current middle name) is kind of boring. I just need to finally choose one so I can get on with my life before I end up with full-blown Multiple Personality Disorder :o.
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: huruf on June 14, 2014, 03:48:57 PM
Suppressing one's own feelings and guilt are not good for health nor for anything. Anger and guilt come from something and one has to take that state of emotion head on. No use ushing them under the carpet.

And one has to do that precisely with the persons whose reactions one fears most. Otherwise one becomes a slave of those destrutive emotions.

I think you will make things up with your mother when you feel sure yourself. Now it seems you cannot afford to deal with ther. So go ahead with your life, make peace with yourself in all respects. Life may be long and you in sha allah will have time to become strong and have more power which I do not doubt you will use for good. And hopefully you will find that your mother will be good to you, because she also will live on and will learn. You will also gt rid of all the feelings that feel so unsettling ad will gain peace. You will see everything with a different colour.

I wish you all progress and peace.


Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Man of Faith on June 14, 2014, 04:19:34 PM
Peace,

I understand your pain, but do not let your feelings make you obsessed with this matter. Of course you should be and act like a female if you were born one.

Your parents should be ashamed to call themselves Christian because they did not to have had anything to do with "Christian values" as they has none of the empathy and that humbleness of Jesus. And it is a misconception that you follow another religion when you call yourself "muslim" as you could as well call yourself Christian claiming that you belong to that group. It is only a matter of group belonging really. Association is widespread in mainstream Christianity but the same is true in "islam" (although I would rather call it muhammedanity) even if they do not have the stomach to call Muhammad son of God probably due to the immense criticism by God in the reciation although they idolize him nonetheless. I would happily call myself unitarian Christian and say I follow the recitation (Quran). It is just ridiculous to say you are muslim or whatever, or Christian for that sake too.

In the past you just said you have faith and you believe in the God of 'X number of ancestors' and did not refer yourself to a religion. It is a quite new phenomenon (perhaps about 2000 years old). Messengers never referred to a religion but to what I just mentioned, ie God + reference. Oh you with faith God addresses people in the recitation. Muhammad refers to the ways of Abraham without any particular reference to a name of a religion. That the title is muslim and Islam is a misconception because those words define the kind of condition these people are when they serve God, ie harmonized with God.

And you can determine that someone has faith depending on his/her actions and not due to group belonging because it does not matter what you call yourself but on your faith and what good you do. Someone never even seen Quran can go to Heaven if they found the right path.

But I suppose your parents are beyond saving taking what they have said and done. But their behavior has probably been mainly due to ignorance and looking down on women as a gender, probably due to having too much faith in what the Bible said in the Genesis chapter about women. There are certain behavioral problems too which are not really in God's favor.

God bless you
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Zulf on June 14, 2014, 04:26:34 PM
Peace Jane,

That's quite a story. It's always a b*tch when parents fail to give enough love and support. When parents are not able, for whatever reason, to shower the child with enough love during the early years, it tend to have a very detrimental effects on the child. Love to a child is like sun, water and nutrition to a seedling. Without it it will die, or develop great insecurities that may even lead to illnesses and dysfunction. And unfortunately, it's not uncommon at all in this world. I too have a lot of cleaning up to do within myself. There are weaknesses caused by lack of love, support and encouragement, along with insecurities inherited through the DNA. But it was always so normal that I never realized the situation, until very late. Now I have to work hard, and it's not easy. But the only way, is the way forward.

After reading your story, I do believe that changing your name can be quite beneficial to you. If you feel like changing your name, then you should. Let your new name symbolize a new stepping stone, above and beyond the past... a clean slate from where to take off in your own chosen directions. This is the beginning of your new empowered life, where you take charge. Make it a life of love, freedom and peace. It's time to live afresh, to live Now.

Bytheway, how'bout 'Amy'?  :)

Peace
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Ikrame on June 15, 2014, 08:06:02 AM
Sorry to hear you didn't had it easy sounds tough.

I really like Rachel I think it sounds unapologetic

But you should pick a name that really speaks to you and who you are.

Good luck!!  :group:
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Jane on June 25, 2014, 06:05:28 AM
Such kind words, thanks everyone  :group:.

Zulf I swear you are psychic! First you suggest a name that is my sister's then one that is the name of my oldest friend - 'Amy' is the name of my friend from childhood (I have moved around a lot so I have not been able to keep in touch with any others). I was just thinking about her recently, lol.

But I do not want to steal anyone else's identity anymore than to have someone else's idea of one put on me. But you are right Man of Faith I don't want to become obssessive however it is kind of difficult to get anything done when you name is uncertain, I have lots of admin to do and I am putting it off as I am not sure what to identify myself as lol.

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Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Jafar on June 27, 2014, 03:32:15 AM

'Amy' is the name of my friend from childhood (I have moved around a lot so I have not been able to keep in touch with any others). I was just thinking about her recently, lol.


Why not trying for something more 'exotic', like 'sanskrit' names for example?
Amy become Amita, meanings "infinite / without limit".
or Amala, meanings 'pure' in sanskrit or either deed or hope in arabic and hebrew (depending on actual pronounciation)
Title: Re: Help me choose a new name for myself (like seriously - in real life)
Post by: Zulf on June 27, 2014, 04:34:37 AM
Emma, Isabella, Alexandra...