The Humour Thread :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

[Wakas]

continuing the traditional themed T-Shirts:

"...its difficult to tell if shit has happened with a jilbab on"
"...shit happens according to a hadith of Bukhari"
"...believe shit happens or a fatwa will be issued"
"...if shits gonna happen, we gonna make it happen"
"... only our scholars get to decide if shit happens"

and my personal favourite:

"...making shit happen is a form of jihad"



:wink:

[LoteTree]

Hello All,

It looks like even in the "off-topic" there is no getting away from religion!!!  :-) but it was good :-) but we must keep it witty and "clean" perhaps so that the thread does not get deleted by the administrators :-)


Ambiguity - For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and
ambiguity

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help
section?"
  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synonym

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
(Somebody explain THIS ONE  there's a logical explanation somewhere)

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

[TAJ]

Salaams LT, All

Hello All,

It looks like even in the "off-topic" there is no getting away from religion!!!  :-) but it was good :-) but we must keep it witty and "clean" perhaps so that the thread does not get deleted by the administrators :-)

If humor is not clean it is not humor.

[LoteTree]

Salaams LT, All

Hello All,

It looks like even in the "off-topic" there is no getting away from religion!!!  :-) but it was good :-) but we must keep it witty and "clean" perhaps so that the thread does not get deleted by the administrators :-)

If humor is not clean it is not humor.

I can agree with you, I myself really like witty and smutty humour but in a forum like this I don't think it would be appropriate perhaps but if others don't care then hey bring it on I say... :-)

Regards,

[Elke]

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: personal favorite

[LoteTree]

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes, and then the mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed


Regards,

[savage_carrot]

Peace Lotetree,

Those are pretty good!  :lol:
Will be sending them to me da...being a pilot i bet he'll appreciate them unless he has heard them first that is!

Thanks for posting!

Nadia

[LoteTree]

Peace Lotetree,

Those are pretty good!  :lol:
Will be sending them to me da...being a pilot i bet he'll appreciate them unless he has heard them first that is!

Nadia

Well if he works for Quantas Airlines then obviously he might have heard of them :-)

But please feel free to share your own brand of humour here... :-)

Regards,

[Fahad]

.



http://www.islamicanews.com/


.

[zenje]

:lol:

Thanks for that!