Custody

[ucemzek]

Hi everyone. How does Allah guide us in terms of custody? I'm afraid me and my soon to be ex-husband have different views on this topic. 2: 233, 2:228,  65:6 are ayahs currently on the table. 2:233; he claims that the hiring of nurses and mention of the " and for the guardian is the same requirement" is proof that custody belongs to the fsther and fathers side. for 2:228; hisnproof is "is not lawful for them to conceal what God has created in their wombs"  and 65:6 "Then, if they nurse the infant, you shall give them their due payment".. he says that the fact that the mother is paid means he owns the kids.  I however think that these ayahs rrfer to help during breastfeeding period and that both the mother ans father have equal rights over the children  31:14 and 46:15 mentions the hardship of bringing a child to the world and that  thanks tshall be given to Allah and to parents not more to the father. etc. I hope the  quran can quide us.

[jkhan]

Hi everyone. How does Allah guide us in terms of custody? I'm afraid me and my soon to be ex-husband have different views on this topic. 2: 233, 2:228,  65:6 are ayahs currently on the table. 2:233; he claims that the hiring of nurses and mention of the " and for the guardian is the same requirement" is proof that custody belongs to the fsther and fathers side. for 2:228; hisnproof is "is not lawful for them to conceal what God has created in their wombs"  and 65:6 "Then, if they nurse the infant, you shall give them their due payment".. he says that the fact that the mother is paid means he owns the kids.  I however think that these ayahs rrfer to help during breastfeeding period and that both the mother ans father have equal rights over the children  31:14 and 46:15 mentions the hardship of bringing a child to the world and that  thanks tshall be given to Allah and to parents not more to the father. etc. I hope the  quran can quide us.

Salam..

Well.. God's book is perfect.. And if God speaks about divorce in Quran then He won't leave anyone in half informed.. Whatever informed is complete.. So.. I deduce that if a woman is pregnant and divorce took place then once the baby is born the baby is biologically of both.. No argument on that but custody is for husband... That's do obvious within God's verses.. Child should live with one and that's is husband... Cannot give the responsibility for wife.. Husband should take all responsibility from infant to grow..  But mother is mother... She has all the rights.. But child should live with husband.. But if breast feedung by mother then fine.. But if breastfeeding by another women then child is under father.. Anyone can deny but not within Quran..

But my point is not about custody here literally.. I feel married couple can divorce or not when they have ready a baby.. Suppose one year after marriage and they have a baby and can they divorce.. Or after two years three or four or so on... I don't think so... In my understanding divorce is all about when they are about to establish a life.. But in case she happened to become pregnant then husband should take care of baby and leave her to marrybkff her choice... After having a baby or two to go for divorce is not in the tone of God.. I don't see.  Any issues, solve in advance when establishing the life before a child is born.. It may seem weird but that is what I get from God's book.. Yes.. You may say word weird weird... But I. My understanding thats better you live with the one you found good and lived one year without issues and then after baby if you have issues then solve it or leave it and go ahead.. No blame divorce God says in one verse.. It seems divorce is not the option once the relationship is developed... When I read all the verses i can only see divorce rules which is basically fir first year of marriage..

I know most won't agree and no need to but reflect with verses.

[Wakas]

peace,

I have not thought about this issue until now but here are some initial thoughts.

I assume it was not stipulated in the marital agreement before marriage. If so there are a few points to consider:

1) it is the default role of the father to feed/clothe/provide for his children. So regardless of who has custody this will still be the case (unless another arrangement was stated in the marital agreement).
2) Re: being paid in 65:6 simply means the mother does not have to breastfeed so if she does she should be compensated, nothing about ownership
3) when considering dissolution of marriage it is the contract-breaking party that compensates the other. If it is an amicable divorce i.e. no-one at fault, then this does not apply.
4) if the children are post-puberty with rushd (sound judgement, know right/wrong) then they can decide whom they wish to reside with. Or after reaching this they can then decide.
5) if the couple cannot agree then it will go to arbitration of the court/authority in the land
6) neither party can restrict access to the children in any way. Exceptions could exist e.g. if criminality has occurred.


Background:
https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=40
http://www.quran434.com/wife-beating-islam.html#part3

[jkhan]

Hi everyone. How does Allah guide us in terms of custody? I'm afraid me and my soon to be ex-husband have different views on this topic. 2: 233, 2:228,  65:6 are ayahs currently on the table. 2:233; he claims that the hiring of nurses and mention of the " and for the guardian is the same requirement" is proof that custody belongs to the fsther and fathers side. for 2:228; hisnproof is "is not lawful for them to conceal what God has created in their wombs"  and 65:6 "Then, if they nurse the infant, you shall give them their due payment".. he says that the fact that the mother is paid means he owns the kids.  I however think that these ayahs rrfer to help during breastfeeding period and that both the mother ans father have equal rights over the children  31:14 and 46:15 mentions the hardship of bringing a child to the world and that  thanks tshall be given to Allah and to parents not more to the father. etc. I hope the  quran can quide us.

https://free-minds.org/forum/index.php?topic=9612293.0

I raised this question before but it was not duscussed  unfortunately...

[ucemzek]

peace,

I have not thought about this issue until now but here are some initial thoughts.

I assume it was not stipulated in the marital agreement before marriage. If so there are a few points to consider:

1) it is the default role of the father to feed/clothe/provide for his children. So regardless of who has custody this will still be the case (unless another arrangement was stated in the marital agreement).
2) Re: being paid in 65:6 simply means the mother does not have to breastfeed so if she does she should be compensated, nothing about ownership
3) when considering dissolution of marriage it is the contract-breaking party that compensates the other. If it is an amicable divorce i.e. no-one at fault, then this does not apply.
4) if the children are post-puberty with rushd (sound judgement, know right/wrong) then they can decide whom they wish to reside with. Or after reaching this they can then decide.
5) if the couple cannot agree then it will go to arbitration of the court/authority in the land
6) neither party can restrict access to the children in any way. Exceptions could exist e.g. if criminality has occurred.


Background:
https://misconceptions-about-islam.com/misconception.php?id=40
http://www.quran434.com/wife-beating-islam.html#part3

Thank you. Kids are small under 6. Im just really scared that I miss out on Allah's message and go to court like this. This is a serious matter and I want to be fully prepared in my understanding.

What do you think about verse 2:233   "And for the guardian is the same requirement"? From this do you see that the child belongs to father and fathers side? I don't! I assumed this meant when both parents are deceased and the guardian takes over like in the case of inheritance  4:6 and 4:9. There's also a guardian here.

Also the word chosen for baba : al mevlud  which he says has the meaning the one who is looked up on/ moved towards. Why a simpler word for baba (لأَبِيهِ) isnt chosen...

[Wakas]

Re: 2:233

No. It seems to be saying "upon the inheritor / father's heir (e.g. if father has died) is like that (i.e. same requirement", which refers to the provision mentioned earlier in the verse.

In other words, if father is there then he provides, if he is not then whoever inherited from him it is their responsibility to provide. Does not discuss ownership of children. You will note these verses clearly discuss mutual consent.

So I imagine custody has to be agreed upon between yourselves and should be based on what is best (and most practical) for the children. If not, then arbiters, and if still no solution then court/authority in the land.


http://quranix.org/2#232
https://corpus.quran.com/wordbyword.jsp?chapter=2&verse=233#(2:233:1)

[Tobeor]

Thank you all for your contributions. I have had the opportunity to carefully study the topic of custody in the light of the Quran and I would be delighted to share my findings from this humble research.

First of all, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude to my master, Allah, for teaching me ways to utilize the guide, the Quran. This achievement has been made possible by my decision to renounce the religion of a society that denies the existence of God and the hereafter. As devoted followers of the faith of Abraham, Moses, and Muhammad, we are prohibited from seeking guidance from any other sources aside from the Quran. Despite the Quran being a priceless source of divine instruction from Allah, it is unfortunate that the majority of people fail to express their gratitude for it.

Below you will find a lengthy post, so please get ready and take your Quran to check the references. The content is organized into five sections.

• Firstly, I will provide the background information to ensure that we are all on the same page. Additionally, I will establish expectations based on the two main contexts that I have introduced.
• Secondly, I will discuss the sensitivity and detail of the divorce-related verses in the Quran, which present a challenging situation regarding custody.
• Thirdly, I will employ my Quranic methodology to analyze the topic along two potential avenues that could potentially address the subject matter. Once I have selected one of these paths, I elucidate my rationale for doing so, while also posing some questions regarding the alternative path to validate and solidify my decision.
• In the following section, I will prioritize the advantages of having clear and easily accessible guidance, regardless of whether it can be deemed the 'best' or not. I strongly believe that this also serves as a justification for why the Quran would not remain 'silent' regarding the topic of custody.
• Lastly, I will summarize the sections above and  will conclude by sharing some thoughts on the quest for truth undertaken by the original author.

Section 1:
Establishing Expectations: The Quran's Role in Guiding Divorce and Child Custody

Context 1 :

• The Quran is complete(6/135), sufficient(29/51), clear(36/69), simplified(54/17), detailed(16/114), explanatory of everything(16/89), and a source of healing(41/44).
• It is a guide that leads to the most correct path(17/9),
• It is the only book for which we are responsible(43/44)"

Context 2:

• Divorce can have significant emotional and social implications for both the spouses and any children involved. It often entails a range of emotions such as grief, anger, fear, and sadness.
• Divorce is the legal process that ends a marriage or civil union between two individuals. It is a significant life event that involves the dissolution of the marital relationship, the division of assets and debts, and the establishment of child custody and support arrangements if applicable.
• Child custody typically refers to the legal and practical arrangements made regarding the care, upbringing, and decision-making responsibilities for a child or children when their parents or legal guardians are separated or divorced. Child custody involves determining where the child will primarily reside and who will make important decisions about the child's education, healthcare, religious upbringing, and other aspects of their life.
• Child custody does not imply ownership as implied in a previous post.

Considering both contexts, it is expected that:

• The Quran will provide detailed guidance on this matter, recognizing its significant emotional and social implications for both spouses and children involved.
• Rather than simply referring the topic to arbiters, courts, or authorities, the Quran will clearly explain what God expects them to do.

Section 2
Exploring the Sensitivity and Detail of Divorce-Related Verses in the Quran

... then the question arises: "How does the Quran address divorce?"
In my humble studies, I have observed that the Quran is extremely sensitive to this topic and addresses it through several verses.

Regarding its sensitivity:

• One example is verse 2/229, which ends with the statement translated as 'These are God's limits so do not transgress them. Whoever shall transgress God's limits are the wicked.'.
• You will notice that the Quran uses the term 'limit' multiple times when addressing this topic in 2/229,230 and 65/1. (Source: https://corpus.quran.com/qurandictionary.jsp?q=Hdd)
• Another verse that emphasizes God's sensitivity on this topic is 65/5, translated as: "This is God's command that He sends down to you. Anyone who is aware of God, He will remit his sins and improve his reward."

Regarding its detail:

• The Quran addresses the topic in great detail in Chapter 2, specifically between the verses 226-242.
• However, there are still some exceptions left, and even those exceptions are not left to humans in this specific topic of divorce. The topic is further addressed in Chapter 65, where those exceptions are covered. For example, the question of what to do if three menstruation periods of 2/228 cannot be assessed is answered in 65/4.
• Is that enough? No, 4/20-21 is there to support the order in 2/229, which is translated as "...It is not lawful for you to take back anything you have given the women."
• Is that enough? No, the addition of verse 4/130 complements the stress-healing verses of 65/4 and 65/7.
• Additionally, verses 4/35, 33/28, 60/10, and 66/5 are there, just like therapists, for those who seek support, courage, and guidance. Depending on your individual needs when addressing this topic, many other verses would come up.

Reading these verses, it's as if the Quran is providing a detailed guide on performing brain surgery, constantly emphasizing the need for extreme caution and the critical nature of each step.

• As expected, the Quran handles the topic of 'division of assets and debts' in divorce with great care and thoroughness (verses 2/229, 4/20-21). By adhering to the principles outlined and emphasized in the Quran, individuals can navigate their problems with ease and ensure they have fulfilled God's instructions.
• This brings us to the next crucial aspect of divorce: 'establishment of child custody and support.' While there are verses such as 2/233 and 65/6 that address matters like breastfeeding, the fundamental question of custody remains unanswered. Just like the division of assets and debts, I have high hopes that the Quran addresses this vital topic. Don't you? However, I have yet to find explicit verses stating 'child custody should be handled in this way...'. Where are they?

To summarize my points so far:

• The Quran is there to GUIDE us on significant events in our lives.
• Divorce is a significant event, not only for spouses but also for children, if they are involved.
• The Quran, as expectedly, addresses divorce with numerous verses and emphasizes the importance of strict adherence to them.
• Divorce can be divided into two main components.
• The first component, 'the division of assets and debts', is explicitly explained in detail in the Quran.
• The second component, 'establishment of child custody and support', is NOT  EXPLICITLY explained (to the best of my knowledge) in the Quran.

[Tobeor]

Section 3
Exploring Paths for Utilizing the Quran as a Guide in Custody Matters

In my opinion, the next step you take at this point will reflect how you utilize the Quran as your guide. Your step (and methodology) will be scrutinized on Judgement Day  (43/44), and you will need to defend it.

There are two major paths that you can choose to follow, and I will discuss both of them.

Path A - The search for clues in the Quran

• Path A is biased in the sense that it suggests the existence of verses addressing the critical topic of custody in the Quran, whether they are implicit, hidden, or dispersed throughout the book.
• Verses such as 6/114, 3/7, 2/242, among others, serve as motivation for embarking on this path of searching the entire Quran for an answer.
• Besides, verse 2/26, coupled with the prior experiences of Quran readers, can further inspire individuals to take this path and contemplate, "Perhaps it is our responsibility to study the Quran and unravel the 'puzzles' that may not be readily apparent to a general reader."
• In one of the last paragraphs of his comprehensive analysis found at http://www.quran434.com/wife-beating-islam.html#part3, Wakas addresses the question of why the Quran employs one of the most ambiguous words in the Arabic language, specifically in reference to DRB of 4/34. Reading that paragraph offers valuable insights into the experiences of a Quran reader.

If I were to assign a motto to Path A, it would be the verse 6/114, which translates as
"Shall I seek other than God as a judge when He has sent down to you this book sufficiently detailed?" Those to whom We have given the book know it is sent down from your Lord with truth; so do not be of those who have doubt."


Path B - The 'compulsory' search for alternative guides

• Path B considers it compulsory to explore alternative sources of guidance for the issue of custody within divorce cases.
• Path B is biased in the sense that 1) There are no explicit verses in the Quran, indicating that it does not intend to impose limitations on us. 2) It encourages us to explore alternative sources of guidance, considering factors such as time, place, culture, specific details of each individual case, and more.
• Personally, if there were a world where alternative authorities such as arbiters and courts could RAPIDLY and accurately determine the 'best interest of the child', I would be more inclined to embrace this path. My inclination would be even stronger if I were at least 99% certain that the Quran does not address this matter, even with some indirect implications. In that case, I would assume that Allah asks us to exercise our judgment and do whatever appears good, kind, reasonable, and so on. This would also mean that Allah will not directly question us on this subtopic of divorce, saying, 'Why did you transgress my limits that I mentioned here and here...'"
• In other words, in my humble opinion, we require substantial evidence to consider this search as 'compulsory' especially when the Quran claims to be complete(6/135), sufficient(29/51), clear(36/69), simplified(54/17), detailed(16/114), explanatory of everything(16/89), and a source of healing(41/44).

At this juncture, as you might expect, I choose Path A and would like to share my discoveries as a traveler on this route. Additionally, I will pose pertinent inquiries regarding Path B that could aid fellow travelers on their journey.

Section 3.1
Exploring Clues in the Quran Regarding Family Structure and Custody

I have discovered clues in the Quran that pertain to custody, which I believe God is conveying to us. Individually, these clues may not provide explicit guidance, but collectively, they seem to indicate the same direction.

The indicated direction, I believe, is as follows:
According to the Quran, the man (father) represents the family. He serves as the upholder (guardian, maintainer, supporter) of the family, upholding its values and well-being (4/34). A family consists of multiple members and operates with a budget.

Regarding the budget:

• The family budget is equivalent to the individual budget of the man.
• Each member should also have their separate, individual budgets in order to engage in charitable activities, among other things.

Regarding the members:

• The man is an integral member of the family.
• Others can choose to leave the family, and new members can join throughout the journey of life. Women can easily move into another family (2/232). Children can grow up and establish their own families, and so on.
• However, the man is the last person who can leave the family. When he departs, it signifies the end of the family.

While I briefly referenced two verses, I am aware that much more is required to substantiate this direction. I would be happy to delve further into how I arrived at this point, but that may be beyond the scope of this discussion. Instead, I would like to invite you to challenge it and, more importantly, consider how the following clues align with this direction.

I believe that this is the family structure embraced by the Quran. If this is correct, there is no need to explicitly state that a member can take another member with her while leaving the family. Instead, the opposite should be explicitly stated if that is the case. I mean, God would say, 'While leaving the family, a woman can take these assets and, moreover, these members with them on the conditions of...'"

Now, let's examine the potential clues which I discovered during my study of the Quran:

• qawwamoon of 4/34: The role of man in the family is highlighted in 4/34 as qawwamoon. This usage provides us with a strong clue regarding the man's responsibility towards the family, encompassing its members and the budget. One can refer to the beginning of Part 2 in http://www.quran434.com/wife-beating-islam.html#part2 for a detailed analysis in the light of the Quran. The root of the word literally means 'stand up' (https://corpus.quran.com/qurandictionary.jsp?q=qwm#(4:34:2) ; thus, I would prefer the term 'upholder,' although 'maintainer' or 'supporter' would also be acceptable choices. You might interpret this as 'limited only to the budget.' However, please don't refrain from exploring the entire Quran for additional clues that point in the same direction. Here are some of these clues listed below.
• 'born to him' of 2/233: disclaimer: I am not proficient in Arabic so please consider my assessment with caution. The topic of divorce is mainly addressed in Chapter 2 of the Quran. Divorce can be divided into two components as in Section 1. One is related to assets and it is addressed in 2/229, the other is custody and the closest verse that addresses this is 2/233. I noticed that verse 2/233 does not explicitly mention the terms 'father'(hamza bā wāw of 6/74) and 'mother'(hamza mīm mīm of 31/14). Instead, interestingly, the root(wāw lām dāl) is used multiple times with different derivations to (supposedly) refer to the father, the mother, and the baby/infant.
  
  
  
  • infant: 'born' (awlad) (seems similar to newborn in English)
  • 'mother': 'the one who bears' (walidat)
  • 'father': literally 'born to him' (almawlud lah - explained in two words), or may be interpreted as 'the one to whom the child is born'  for a clearer understanding.
  The use 'born to him' could potentially be an important clue regarding custody in the Quran.
• 'for you' of 65/6 and the payment for breastfeeding: The topic of divorce is further addressed in Chapter 65, providing additional clarification for certain verses in Chapter 2. In this regard, 65/6 clarifies breastfeeding part of 2/233 and the translation says  '...then, if they nurse/breastfeed the infant for you, you shall pay them their due for such.'. Here the use of the word 'lakum'(for you) indicates that even nursing is not considered among the mother's responsibilities towards the family member they left behind. This is in correspondence with the payment they receive for the external service they provide to the family.
  In other words, if custody were to remain with the mother,
  
  
  • Why would the father pay for breastfeeding, which is a fundamental and innate action performed by mothers?
  • Why is payment only specified for breastfeeding not for hundreds of other services like bathing, changing diapers, establishing a sleep routine etc.?
  It is important to note that breastfeeding is the only service that may require the presence of the mother(as an ex-member of the family). All other services can be assigned to other members of the family or external service providers. Furthermore, even breastfeeding can be delegated to other parties if the mother chooses not to, as addressed in 2/233.
• concealed pregnancy case of 2/228: In verse 228, we learn that concealing pregnancy is prohibited.
  This makes me wonder what the motivation for such an act would be. Once again, the implication is that the woman knows the infant will reside with the family, not with her.
  This is in correspondence with why verse 65/4 does not allow women to finalize the divorce procedure before giving birth.
  The same verse includes the translation stating "The women have rights similar to their obligations, according to the recognized norms. But the men will have a degree over them." What does this 'degree' refer to? One possible explanation, considering the same verse, is that it could be related to the custody remaining in the family side. Alternatively, it might pertain to the part in the verse where the translation mentions 'the wife willingly gives back whatever she chooses'. The former appears more plausible to me.
• the way the Quran addresses 'the division of assets and debts': The Quran addresses the division of assets and debts in divorce in a distinct manner compared to most courts.
  In conventional divorce cases, the family is typically considered dissolved, necessitating the division of assets and debts among the involved parties. However, the Quran discusses women taking what they possess as they leave the family (2/229).
  This implies that the family budget remains intact, and there is no division of debts. The Quran strongly implies that the family continues to exist, albeit with one less member.
  

To summarize, although the Quran doesn't explicitly mention custody(to the best of my knowledge), I have discovered clues that support the notion of custody remaining with the family rather than the mother. These clues include references to the man's role as the upholder, the concept of "born to him" in relation to custody, the use of the phrase "for you" and payment regarding breastfeeding, the prohibition of concealing pregnancy, and the Quran's approach to division of assets and debts in divorce. In my humble opinion, these clues strongly imply that custody should remain with the family, even though it's not explicitly stated. Even if you happen to disagree with me, I hope you can acknowledge the compelling implications supporting this direction.


Section 3.2
Critical Questions and Considerations Regarding Custody and Legal Solutions

Here are some questions that arise regarding Path B, which prevent me from choosing it:

• If custody can be granted to the mother, how do we address the mentioned clues?
  
  
  
  • For instance, if the infant can stay with her, why does the father only pay for breastfeeding? What about the numerous other responsibilities that come with raising a child, especially as they grow older? If we consider these tasks as part of the overall support mentioned in 2/241, why would breastfeeding be the only exception?
• Could it be that the Quran cites the significant topic of custody to humans while
  
  
  
  • simultaneously emphasizing that divorce should be managed in accordance with its teachings, and
  • already providing a detailed explanation of another crucial aspect, namely the division of assets?
• When a couple decides to pursue a divorce, it implies a significant disagreement within their decision-making process. They may rely on different guides, such as the Quran or other sources including but not limited to 'desires,' leading to varying interpretations of the verses. Given these differences, this critical question arises: How likely is the notion of 'mutual consent' to be effective in such circumstances?
• If they bring the case before the local court,
  
  
  
  • How expeditiously can such a solution be reached?
  • How effective would their proposed solution be?
  • How is it possible for the local court, potentially utilizing disparate sources of guidance, to arrive at a solution that satisfies all parties involved?
  • To what extent does this protracted process, which consumes the valuable time of judges and lawyers, deplete the charitable budgets of both parties?
  • Essentially, how likely is it that the local court's definition of 'the best interest of the child' will align with the intentions of the Quran?

[Tobeor]

Section 4
Reflections on the advantages of accessible custody verdicts

The topic of divorce in Bakara concludes with verse 2/242, which translates to: "It is such that God clarifies to you His signs that you may reason.".

So, let's proceed and reflect upon the advantages of having explicit and readily accessible guidance, regardless of whether it is universally considered 'the best' by all parties.

Seeking a 'just' or 'best' solution regarding custody is one aspect, but there is another equally significant aspect: the need for a clear and easily accessible solution. As the saying goes, 'Justice delayed is justice denied'.

If we assert that the Quran grants custody to the family represented by the father, this judgment is broad and explicit, readily available to all parties well before the divorce occurs.
Conversely, if we were to determine that the Quran indicates the matter should be resolved by arbiters and the local court, the verdict remains uncertain until a lengthy trial process ensues. Therefore, in theory, the quality of the solution in Path B is restricted due to its lack of accessibility.

Reflection on Path A regarding accessibility:

• Having a readily available verdict can hold great significance for all parties involved, including the woman, the man, the child, and everyone else associated.
• It enables them to initiate the necessary adjustments and establish realistic expectations for their future, facilitating a smoother transition in their lives following such a significant event.
• Perhaps more importantly, this would assist in the assessment of the parents' decision to divorce. For instance, if a woman knows in advance that she will not have custody of the child, she might be more inclined to continue living in the family home for a few more years to contribute to the child's upbringing.

Reflection on Path B regarding accessibility: waiting for a court decision regarding custody has several drawbacks.

• It can cause emotional stress and instability for the children involved, hinder the children's adjustment to new living arrangements, disrupt their routines, social connections, and overall sense of security. This can potentially affect their academic performance and mental health.
• Moreover, it can create uncertainty and conflicts between parents, and hinder their ability to move forward and make important decisions. Just like the children, the mental and emotional strain caused by the anticipation of the court's decision can affect their overall well-being and relationships.
• Finally, waiting for a court decision can also lead to financial burdens. Legal proceedings often involve substantial costs, including attorney fees, court fees, and other related expenses. The longer the wait, the more these expenses can accumulate, adding additional financial strain to the parties involved. Furthermore, if the court's decision is contingent upon their financial situation, the protracted waiting period can impede their capacity to strategize for the future or address their pressing financial obligations, such as charitable contributions.

It is important to acknowledge the weaknesses of relying solely on a readily available verdict for custody matters. While accessibility and clarity are essential, a one-size-fits-all approach may not account for the unique circumstances and complexities of each individual case. Situations involving custody may require careful consideration of various factors, such as the child's best interests, the parents' ability to provide a nurturing environment, and any potential safety concerns. A predetermined verdict may overlook these nuances and fail to provide a truly just outcome in every situation. Therefore, while accessibility is valuable, we would think that it must be balanced with the need for a thorough and comprehensive evaluation of all relevant factors to ensure a fair and equitable resolution. But how can we determine the best interests of a child without knowledge of the future?

Perhaps this is the crucial juncture where legal solutions encounter difficulties. From a non-Quranic perspective, financial circumstances can change, and unexpected events can occur for any parties involved. This is where the concept of God as a guarantor comes into play. Upon careful analysis of the verses regarding divorce, it appears as though they convey the message, 'Strictly adhere to these verses and have faith in my guarantee. The rest will be taken care of.' To grasp my point, please refer to God's promises in 65/5, 65/7, and 4/130. Additionally, please observe how He concludes the verses between 2/230 and 235. For further illustration, consider 18/82 as an example that demonstrates a similar but distinct case of the guarantee taking effect. As the followers of Quran, we are already familiar with how the 'one-Book-fits-all' (31/27, 14/25) so it should not come as a surprise to us that certain 'mysterious' events occur to ensure that the family remains a peaceful environment for the children even after the woman departs.

It is also important to acknowledge that the Quran conveys God's message to all families, regardless of their composition. In this context, one might argue that families with a single man and multiple women (4/129) can better manage the absence of a member by entrusting the care of the children to other women. While concerns about applying the same custody protocol to "single man-single woman" families may be valid from this perspective, still we do not know about how God's guarantee will take place. As an example, it may occur similar to the case in 66/5 where God creates the circumstances for the addition of a new member to the family or He may simply ease the way for finding external support like paid caretakers, boarding schools, and so on. I would like to emphasize that deeming a path difficult(as in 90/11) without recognizing the power of God and the potential for divine intervention does not validate that path according to the Quran. For a follower of the Quran, these concerns, and others like them, should not hold enough power to alter the direction set by the verses of the Quran. Instead, they should be silenced if they are not supported by verses, just as stated in verse 49:2.

Section 5
Summary and conclusion

In summary,

• Section 1 establishes the foundation for this analysis. It emphasizes the pivotal role of the Quran in guiding divorce and child custody. The Quran is expected to offer comprehensive guidance, taking into account the emotional and social implications of these matters. It is regarded as the ultimate source of responsibility, believed to provide clear instructions, instead of relying solely on external authorities.
• Section 2 pertains to my studies, in which I discovered that the Quran sensitively addresses the topic of divorce through various verses. Divorce is a significant event, and the Quran aims to guide individuals through it, stressing the importance of adhering to its principles. It emphasizes divine limits and the consequences of transgression. The Quran provides detailed guidance on the division of assets and debts but lacks explicit instructions on child custody.
• Section 3 starts by introducing the two paths to consider for utilizing Quran as a guide in custody matters. Path A involves searching for clues within the Quran itself, while Path B suggests exploring alternative sources of guidance. I choose Path A and then share my discoveries, while also questioning Path B for fellow seekers. The clues I have found in the Quran suggest that while the Quran does not explicitly mention custody, there are indications that custody should remain with the family rather than with the mother. Clues include the role of the man as the family's upholder, the phrase "born to him" regarding custody, the use of the phrase "for you" and payment for breastfeeding, the prohibition of concealing pregnancy, and the Quran's approach to the division of assets and debts in divorce. My critical questions about Path B include addressing the responsibilities of the father beyond payment of only breastfeeding, the effectiveness of mutual consent in divorce cases, the efficiency and effectiveness of local courts in reaching satisfactory solutions, and the alignment of the court's definition of the best interest of the child with Quranic intentions.
• Section 4 discusses the benefits of accessible custody verdicts in divorce cases. It emphasizes the importance of clear and readily available solutions for all parties involved, while highlighting the drawbacks of waiting for a court decision. It also mentions the concept of relying on God's guarantee and addresses concerns about applying the same custody protocol to different family compositions.

I would like to conclude by revisiting the original author's post and addressing her:

• It becomes evident that custody serves as a significant testing ground for the Quran methodology you have developed thus far. It is crucial that you adhere to the path guided by your methodology and persistently question your understanding, making necessary corrections as needed.
• It is imperative to remain mindful of the illusory nature of desires that may tempt you in this endeavor. While every parent may desire to attain custody, the crucial aspect lies in keeping the decision-making process separate from these desires and deciding without succumbing to them, as emphasized in 45/23.
• Achieving this requires concrete evidence collected from the Quran, which you can rely upon to defend yourself on the Day of Judgment. As jkhan rightly pointed out, unfortunately the evidence provided by 31:14 and 46:15 is unrelated to the topic of custody and cannot be employed to support your statement that 'the mother and father have equal rights over the children' on the Day of Judgment.
• Therefore, you need to work harder to establish stronger grounds that you can build upon. I hope this post helps you in gathering evidence. Please note that the evidence you collect may point towards a challenging path, but let me remind once more that it is God who has promised to make it easier as long as you follow His guidance (65/5, 4/130).
• Please remember the verse 39/38 ending with this translation
  "... And if He willed a blessing for me, can they prevent such a blessing?" Say, "GOD is sufficient for me." In Him the trusters shall trust."
  and please ensure that you consistently refer to the entire Quran to seek that blessing.

[ucemzek]

Thank you for your time. Will be back

[ucemzek]

A reply to Tobeor

Clarifying Ownership in therms of offspring  in the Quran

The quran uses words such as lakum (for you) and lahu (for him) in various verses in 2:233 which signify rights and responsibilities rhather than ownership. These responsibilities are financial responsibilities as a father and as a husband/ex- husband.

In the context of discussing lienage and parentage in the Quran the phrase "al mawludu lahu" is appropriate when referring to a child born to a male individual. The choice of phrase aligns with the gender and relationship of the parent. While "mawludun lahaa" would be appropriate when reffering to a child born to a female indvidual; this term has not been used in the Quran, as motherhood is an obvious matter and proof that the child belongs to her due to the gestation period and the act of physically giving birth (unless in the case of surrogacy). However when talking about breastfeeding it has used al walidah (meaning a woman that has recently given birth to a child or to a woman who has just become a mother) so the term al- mawludu lahu is used to refer to the father as a child born to him – the known man and not any other man. More than the term father, the term establishes the link between the father and the child and is thus likely to make the father aware of the presence of a third party that assumes particular significance in the process of divorce. The purpose behind focus on the elimination of harm and the observance of Ma'ruf, is the prevention of any words, deeds and actions likely to inflict harm on the mother, an the father, and the child.

As children are known by their fathers name, it is important to let this be known and this is mentioned in surah al ahzab 33:5 "Let your adopted children keep their family names. That is more just in the sight of Allah"... the 4th verse states that "nor did he make your adopted children to be your sons" so this is a proof that a child may live without his father and if the mother was to re-marry the child doesn't become the new husbands child -or takes his name but he remains as his biological fathers child. This is why the issue of concealing pregnany is absolutely prohibited in 2:228 not because the mother would fear the infant would end up staying with the father but to prevent any misshaps concerning who the childs father is – the intention behind hiding pregnancy by the Quran would also be to actually protect the woman from any hearsays of fahsha, and the intention behind the woman might be due to the fact that she is adament to leave the husband asap may be due to physical abuse, or to remarry quickly and pretend the child is the new husbands. All of these are prevented by this verse. This is why finalizing the pregnancy with the father beside is important; so everyone would be a witnes/ or to know to who the childs parents are, both of them, hence the use of lahu as stated in detail above.

(It would be a good reminder at this point to signify the importance of witnessing and testimony where any kind of matter involving a relationship is to begin such as;  fahsha during marriage (4:15) divorce (65:2), inheritance (5:106), contracts or transactions (2:282). In every verse where testimony is mentioned, it is either evidence that ensures justice in a legal case or a presumption that reveals the truth of the case. Apart from these clear verses, we can understand that other cases such as marriage and birth are to be known by 3rd parties. The birth example is explained above and marriage; although there isn't a direct verse stating it should be witnessed, in 24:33 a contract is mentioned and also all marriage cases are conditioned/bonded with maintenance.)


The verse "The women have rights similar to their obligations, according to the recognized norms. But the men will have a degree over them" – can be explained as; the women have a disadvantage due to bearing a child and childbirth so she is automatically connected to the father even if she does not want to be with him, the advantage has been given to the man to take them back before the final divorce; they have a rank above the women in taking them back and it's not to be taken alone in general as to say that men are above women in decision making like the custody of a child. Men have a degree above them (aleyhinne), And Allah is powerful and worthy of respect and judge, the  ultimate authority. To my understanding this is when they find out there is a pregnancy situation and this is the reason why they have a right to take them back (continuation of marriage) for the sake of the children. In Surah Ahzab 33:49 this is not the case as there is no pregnancy involved and even contact –  so the men can let them go just like that (again with an appropriate maintenance).

In 2:229 So the man does not own his wife- nor his children. A slave or those whom your right hand possesses are owned.

Where does Quran use possession / ownership (malik) by a human – to a human?

    • And worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the far away neighbor, the companion at your side, the travler, and those whom your right hand posses. Indeed Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful. 4:36

    • O you who have believed, let those whom your right hands possess and those who have not [yet] reached puberty among you ask permission of you [before entering] at three times: before the dawn prayer and when you put aside your clothing [for rest] at noon and after the night prayer ...... 24:58
     
    • 24:33, 4:25

In 2:233 the Holy Qur'an assigns responsibility for the provision of two things to the father during the breastfeeding period: rizq (maintenance, sustenance) and kiswa (clothing). (Please note the emphasis on finance here too). As the mother is unable to (or chooses not work) work during this difficult period she is not able to finance herself. Although the term rizq is translated as sufficient food, and kiswa as clothing it seems that rizq is not restricted to food alone but includes all the things that the mother requires during her breastfeeding period. Therefore, the father is obliged to provide the mother with all her requirements during the breastfeeding period after separation (and during marriage as his wife as stated in 4:34).

Provision of mother's needs during the breastfeeding period is referred to as wage in verse 6 of Surat al-Talaq; thus, it may be concluded that what is meant by the breastfeeding wages for the mother is the provision of her requirements during breastfeeding period as her time and energy is mostly directed to the newborn and her needs (also remembering the physical and mental hardship she faces) must be met by the childs father- and this is how the Quran protects the mothers. The wage that the father pays to his ex-wife for breastfeeding has to be so much as it provides her food,clothing and other needs while she is breastfeeding; such as help with he household. As men can not breastfeed women are providing rizq for the child for him and hence she is compensated for this. So to the question "Why is payment only specified for breastfeeding not for hundreds of other services like bathing, changing diapers, establishing a sleep routine etc" is because milk from the mother comes directly from her as a rizq, the other services can not be regarded in the same category. Only a mother can feed the baby (if there is milk from her) and no-one else/or with anything else as regarded as rizq paid for like cows milk or yogurt etc). If she can't breastfeed then the father pays someone else to breastfeed. After the breastfeeding period when the women and men are seperated, and now the child is grown, the mother can be of support too as she can work or by other means– and the man can give however much he can according to his status in 65:7.
The author states "the Quran discusses women taking what they possess as they leave the family (2/229). This implies that the family budget remains intact, and there is no division of debts. The Quran strongly implies that the family continues to exist, albeit with one less member"
In terms of assests yes there is no division and woman takes back what she owns/what has been given to her and  she can even give up whatever she chooses if she fears they might transgress. So in which cases could this happen that the woman would feel the need to let go of what she owns in terms of assest of course... This is something to think about. Also I'd like to point out verses 65:7 and 2:241 where the man continues to help if he can and 65:3 Allah is the provider.
The author thinking that verse 2:233 is a cue that the child belongs with the father (al mavludu lahu) is continued with this next verse 2:229; the mother taking the assets and  leaving just like that and the "family continuing to exist with one less member" – lays down the grounds of how clueless the author is about the relationship of a mother and her kids as; Allah mentions the seperation of child from the mother and state of her  in the Quran in the case of Moses. 28:7, " We inspired to Moses' mother: "Suckle him, and when you become fearful for him, then cast him off in the sea, and do not fear nor grieve. We will return him to you and We will make him of the messengers." 28:10 Moses' mother's heart became anxious, that she nearly revealed her identity. But We strengthened her heart, so that she would be of those who acknowledge. 28:13 Thus, We returned him to his mother, so that she may be pleased and not be saddened, and to let her know that God's promise is the truth. However, most of them do not know".  Also 17:23 "Be good to your parents; and should both or any one of them attain old age with you,..." is worth mentioning as there is no mention of a gender.

To my knowledge there is no mention of family in the conventional meaning of a nuclear family; a father and his children can be a family of their own and a mother and children can be a family of their own.  So the verse which stands out in this case is  4:1 "........... Be careful of (your duty to) Allah, by Whom you demand one of another (your rights), and (to) the ties of relationship; surely Allah ever watches over you."
25;74,64:14 are verses which includes partner (azwaj) and children (zurriyah and awlad)  and 'ehl' is mentioned in some verses such as 66:6 which can mean family. Let us remember Noah too and the verses 11:45-46 "Noah called on his Lord, and he said, "My Lord, my son is from my family (ehl), and your promise is the truth, and you are the Wisest of all Judges. He said, "O Noah, he is not from your family (ehl), he committed sin, so do not ask what you have no knowledge of. I advise you not to be of the ignorant."
The man is a qawwamun only in the case of a marriage because he is the qawwamun of the woman. The verse does not include children at all and strictly there to mention the ties between them. So therefore stating that a man is an integral member of the family is unjust – the woman is an integral member of the family also. The tie between the man and woman can be broken- and each will continue with their new lives. The man being the last person who can leave the family and when he does the family ending is nonsense as a man can leave the family as 66:5 "It may be that he would divorce you, then his Lord will substitute other wives in your place who are better than you; submitting, believing, dutiful, repentant, worshipping, devout, mature and youthful" states and other divorce ayahs; that usually the subject is the man divorcing/ending the bond.

[ucemzek]

Marriage & Divorce are bonded by Finance
The constitution of marriage is based upon 2 things – 1) the man and the woman are believers (2:221) and maintenance; where the man is obliged to give the woman her payment (ujurahunne) and here are the verses related to the latter condition; 4:4, 4:20, 4:24, 4:25, 4:34,4:127 33:50, 60:10, 65:6 and even after divorce for some time 2:240 and  there is no time limit here in 2:241.
Men are tagged as the "qawwamun" that is, the protectors and the maintainers of women, in the Qur'an. This is due to the maintenance responsibility imposed on men by Allah. This can be seen in Q4:34: "Men are in charge of women by what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend from their wealth". Therefore, men have a greater responsibility in supporting their families.
Qanitat, has been widely interpreted as implying "obedience" to the husband. In tandem with the narrow, rendering of qawwamun as "in charge of", this gives a meaning suggesting that a man is in charge of his wife, who must be obedient to him.
However, this rendering of the term qanitat is antithetical to the Qur'an's own frequent use of the term. Numerous verses of the Qur'an (e.g. 2:116; 3:17; 30:26; 33:31; 39:9, 66:5, 66:12) deploy this term. In all cases, the term is used exclusively in the sense of being "obedient to God" - not to any human being, or any other entity for that matter.
Therefore, the interpretation of the term qanitat here to mean "obedient (to her husband)" is departing from the meaning of the term as deployed by the Qur'an. The same meaning as applied throughout the Qur'an should of course apply here, so that the meaning is simply "obedience (to God)." Hafitha is often overlooked that the verse then goes on to ascribe to the woman, too, a duty of "guardianship" over that which God prescribes. The word used is hafitha, which literally means "custodian" or "guardian."
Thus, just as the man is duty-bound on behalf of God to "stand for", support and provide for his wife, the woman is in turn to act as his custodian and guardian on behalf of God. Thus, far from suggesting a form of one-sided patriarchy, the Qur'an establishes a framework of mutuality within marriage, through man and woman providing different forms of guardianship to each other, and overlapping fields of complementary authority by which they care for and protect each other.This Divine verse describes the man as qawwam (maintainer) and the woman as qanitah (obedient) and hafizatun lil-ghaib (preserver of the secret). So men are responsible for protection, supervision, provision of their (women's) necessities and maintaining them in other worldly affairs, as a wife, she has a right of maintenance from her husband during marriage contract and even after marriage contract during waiting period (iddah) and after divorce. In all worldly affairs, women are free from all liabilities, whereas men are duty bound to maintain them in worldly affairs.One purpose of this differentiation is to keep her safe from roughing out like men otherwise she can be a breadwinner too. Husband is the head of the family on the basis of reading of 4:34 and 2:228. This headship does not in any way confer "license of dictatorship or misuse. Misuse or non-discharge of this responsibility by husband does not prevent wife from resorting to other legal measures for enforcement of her rights which may include dissolution of marriage.  Everyone moves within the circle of rights and obligations. Men are responsible for the protection and care of women  and women are responsible for taking care of home and if they have children the children. 
If this is what we believe in then this status quo must remain after divorce too. As 4:34 is based around maintenance in terms of the husband – then after divorce this shall remain if the woman is in need (2:241). This verse discusses the financial provision for divorced women. It outlines that divorced women are entitled to a provision according to what is acceptable, and it is a duty upon those who do good. It emphasizes the importance of providing financial support to divorced women in a just and equitable manner. 2:240 addresses the issue of bequests in case of divorce. It mentions that divorced women should be provided with maintenance for a year without turning them out, but also allows them to leave the marriage or household in an acceptable manner. This verse highlights financial responsibilities within the context of divorce. 65:6-7 verses discuss the financial obligations of divorced husbands. They are instructed to provide for their divorced wives during the waiting period (Iddah). The verses emphasize the importance of providing for the women in a good and kind manner, according to their means.



So if we don't possess or own our children how does Quran guide us as a parent?

O believers! Do not let your wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. For whoever does so, it is they who are the ˹true˺ losers 63:9

      O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. 66:6
     
      He is the One Who created you from a single soul, then from it made its spouse so he may find comfort in her. After he had been united with her, she carried a light burden that developed gradually. When it grew heavy, they prayed to Allah, their Lord, "If you grant us good offspring, we will certainly be grateful." But when He granted their descendants good offspring, they associated false gods in what He has given them. Exalted is Allah above what they associate ˹with Him˺! 7:189-190
     
      Lokman added,˺ "O my dear son! ˹Even˺ if a deed were the weight of a mustard seed—be it ˹hidden˺ in a rock or in the heavens or the earth—Allah will bring it forth. Surely Allah is Most Subtle, All-Aware. O my dear son! Establish prayer, encourage what is good and forbid what is evil, and endure patiently whatever befalls you. Surely this is a resolve to aspire to. "And do not turn your nose up to people, nor walk pridefully upon the earth. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful.Be moderate in your pace. And lower your voice, for the ugliest of all voices is certainly the braying of donkeys." 31:16-19
     
      And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. 31:14
     
      But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. 31:15
     
      And dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither an arrogant nor disobedient (Yahya - to Allah or to his parents). 19:14
      And dutiful to my mother, and made me not arrogant, unblest. (Isa) 19:32
     
      And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims." 46:15-18
     
These are some of the verses guiding parents with which values to bring their child up with. It is highly important to have these instilled not only with vocal reminder but being a model. This is what is important, and both the mother and the father whose relationship will forever be intact with their children and maybe with each other too as believers  (unless Quran says so in terms of shirq) should strive to bring their children up with the teachings of these verses and be a model – to my understanding this is what is important rahther than going over things which are not in the Quran i.e woman can leave without her children – man owns the children leaving the mother out of the equation completely etc.  May Allah increase our knowledge.
Let them live where you live, according to your means. And do not harass them to make their stay unbearable. If they are pregnant, then maintain them until they deliver. And if they nurse for you, compensate them, and consult together courteously. But if you fail to reach an agreement, then another woman will nurse ˹the child˺ for the father.
The verse 2:233 also shows that the Qur'an is trying to state that the parents should not try to harm each other by using their child as bait during and after divorce.
Father's harming the mother may be through such acts as emotional instigation of the mother by making her breastfeed their child without paying for her living expenses, depriving her of seeing and taking care of her child, taking the baby away from her in order to revenge her and leaving it with someone else; on the other hand, since the mother is not able to persecute the father directly, she tries to achieve her goal by using the baby as bait throughout one of the following ways. Through emotional provocation of the father making him to pay more for her breastfeeding the child; preventing the father from seeing his child; avoiding to breastfeed the baby and abandoning the child to its father. Obviously, in the above cases, the first one to be harmed is the child.
Let us remember 65:6 "take mutual councel together, according to ma'ruf" 4:35-36 And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted. As a believer it is a must that all affairs shall be solved and decided together by mutual consultation with the light of the Quran and the hukm received from the Quran 42:10, 4:59, 5:48 should be taken to court as mutual consent/ amicable divorce so Allah's command is taken.
9:71 The believers, both men and women, are allies of one another. They enjoin good, forbid evil, establish Prayer, pay Zakah, and obey Allah and His Messenger. Surely Allah will show mercy to them. Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
42:38  "And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend."
3:152
And Allah had certainly fulfilled His promise to you when you were killing the enemy by His permission until [the time] when you lost courage and fell to disputing about the order [given by the Prophet] and disobeyed after He had shown you that which you love. Among you are some who desire this world, and among you are some who desire the Hereafter. Then he turned you back from them [defeated] that He might test you. And He has already forgiven you, and Allah is the possessor of bounty for the believers.

[Tobeor]

Thank you for your reply ucemzek, even though it came 90 days after my post. It still has valuable contributions to make on this topic. For those interested in the original version of some parts in ucemzek's reply, I suggest visiting https://perennialvision.org/marriage-mutual, as it can provide more insight. I believe that well-known writing techniques, like following proper citation rules, can greatly benefit a fruitful discussion. I apologize for the 68-day delay in my response, and I hope you understand and forgive the delay.

I would like to discuss your citation of Moses' mother as support for giving custody to the mother. While I acknowledge the similarities, it appears that the story of Moses does not directly correlate with the crucial issue of custody. Additionally, it is well-known that the family of Moses did not strictly adhere to the Quran, for some chronological reasons. This logical mistake is addressed in verse 2:140. By using this flawed logic, one could also pick the story of Joseph and his father (around 12:96) to argue that custody should be given to the father. In general, this logic gives us unlimited freedom(similar to the concept of infinite dof in mechanics) and allows us to disregard the guidance of the Quran. When we choose to interpret stories instead of following the accurate rules in the Book, we may mistakenly believe that we are "following the Book," when we are actually following our desires (let's say the chapter 115). This idea is addressed in verses around 68:36. Despite these points, I appreciate your interest in the topic and thank you for giving me the opportunity to illustrate how desires can guide us, as I mentioned briefly in my earlier post.




Now, let's return to the original topic and focus on those who genuinely want to discover the Quran's precise guidance on custody. I would like to present a few points:

I have recently discovered the verse 33:5, which I believe could offer fundamental insights into the matter of custody. I would greatly appreciate hearing your thoughts on this issue. Although I have not yet undertaken a thorough analysis of the verse, my intuition, drawing from previous experience, tells me that it is a valuable treasure.

I had the opportunity to witness how modern law addresses the topic of custody and began following the process involved. Unfortunately, it has proven to be a disaster. The system is designed like a series of successive chemotherapy sessions, where one must endure multiple cycles lasting 3-4 years while still being legally considered 'married'. It cannot be compared to the simple, effective, healthy, and wise solution provided by the Quran. The 'modern' approach I witnessed may incorporate some aspects of Quranic ideas, but it falls short in terms of intelligence and healthiness, to say the least.

Another point I would like to highlight is the impact of verses like 7:16 on this specific topic. Let's specifically focus on the example of verse 65:6 which is translated as ' Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their payment and confer(definition of the word: have discussions; exchange opinions) among yourselves in the acceptable way; but if you are in discord, then there may breastfeed for the father another woman.'
(Sahih International)

In this translation, the use of the word "confer" implies the importance of mutual consent. However, considering that this is a divorce scenario, it is likely that mutual consent may not always be practical. It is essential to note that in this verse, the mutual consent specifically applies to the matter of breastfeeding. The surrounding sentences support this interpretation. It is important for a clear understanding of the verse to not assume that mutual consent is required in every aspect of divorce.

Additionally, the verse mentions the phrase "acceptable way" In my humble opinion, considering other instances of the term "ma'ruf" in the Quran, it refers to "the way accepted by the Quran" particularly in relation to divorce-based verses found in Chapter 2 and 65, most likely.

Even more fascinatingly, I have discovered that a non-English translation of this verse provides a highly unique interpretation. It's part of my daily routine to listen to this translation through my Bluetooth earphones while being outside. To share it with you, I transcribed what I heard into Google Translate, and the result is:  '...If they breastfeed their children for you, reciprocate them and consult each other about the best decision to make regarding the child's future...' This interpretation brings a significant alteration to the verse, almost as if it could be considered as a part of a Quran v2!

You might assume (or perhaps wish) that this translation is not widely known, but let's examine a far more popular version:
'if they nurse your offspring [after the divorce has become final], give them their [due] recompense; and take counsel with one another in a fair manner [about the child's future].' 
(Muhammad Asad translation)
Here as well, although in parentheses, the focus is on the child's future rather than breastfeeding.

Another point to consider is the "modern" approaches. If you are interested in exploring them, I believe a valuable source is the Symposium on Comparative Custody Law, Summer 2005 (https://www.jstor.org/stable/i25740486) It provides detailed information on custody laws in numerous European countries such as England, Germany, Sweden, and Ireland, as well as some countries on other continents.

Here, you'll find that Iran, a country claiming to follow 'Islamic Law' (which includes more than just the Quran), awards custody (known as hizanat) to the mother for children under the age of 7 (https://www.jstor.org/stable/25740500). I wonder how they interpret these verses in order to justify such an interpretation. The Quran provides us with numerous examples of attempts made to alter the meanings of its verses(4:46, 5:13, 5:41), but I wouldn't mind an additional example. My speculation is that the key lies in the same verse: 65.6. In that verse, there is a phrase like 'And if they breastfeed for you', but I notice that in some translations, such as Asad's translation, this phrase appears as 'and if they nurse your offspring'. Although 'nurse' can mean breastfeeding, the term itself also carries other meanings, such as 'the act of caring'. In my humble opinion, substituting a specific term with a more general one while translating into other languages can open the door to misinterpretations. Is a similar strategy employed in the Persian language?   

Of course, misinterpretations are not an excuse for sincere followers who have access to the internet and therefere access to various corpuses (https://corpus.quran.com/wordbyword.jsp?chapter=65&verse=6). For everyone, including those who have internet connection problems, following the methodology introduced in 3:7 is essential: refer to the entire Quran for judgement. In relation to this specific topic, even if you only have a poor translation of 65:6, you can still refer to 2:333 and 2:240, which would trigger your curiosity and make you think, "Hmm, there seems to be a contradiction. I should renew my internet connection so that I can check a Quranic corpus to uncover the real meanings."

I dedicate this humble study to all parents who love their children, yet humbly acknowledge that their deepest affection is surpassed by the greater love that God, the author of the Quran, has for these same children.

Peace.

[good logic]

Peace all.
Often if I like  a discussion, I feel I need to thank those who took part and contributed for the benefit and research of the topic.
Thank you all for your effort.
I would like to add, if I may, an important point to dedicate this useful thread to the people who love Qoran- i.e love GOD the most- so that they work harder on the subject "Marriage" to avoid getting to the subject "custody".
When one follows Qoran, one needs GOD s help to persevere to follow the best path indicated and instructed by GOD to us in Qoran.

Working on the marriage is a challenge and the last resort is to break the marriage.So many other steps in Qoran to work at  marriage,so one should never come to this last resort.
However I know there are always exceptions, hence GOD completes His instructions for us.
Security and welfare of the child first  plus security and welfare of the mother and father. Fairness and justice I find to be the Qoran s theme.
Thank you again for your contributions.
GOD bless you all.
Peace