Author Topic: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram  (Read 338 times)

Sarah

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Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« on: September 12, 2020, 11:26:20 AM »
Peace

So basically where I work I tend to keep myself to myself and I don't look at people except only when I have to. I behave this way because in the past the same people I give no attention to were either rude to me or arrogant. The type that laugh at you whilst walking past you. For this reason I avoid eye contact or making conversations. To avoid humiliation and emotional suffering. I have a gut feeling my workplace is filled with narcissism. My intuition tells me so. When I researched narcissism, the experts and people who've experienced this sort of treatment advise to go 'no contact' with such people. To avoid them whenever you can if you have to be around them. They say attention only feeds a narcissist, makes him/ her more grandiose, egotistical and makes them want to mistreat you again because they do not value you as their ego and pride only grows when you give them attention.

In the Qur'an it says:

'And do not turn away your cheek from the people, and do not walk in the land/Earth showing superiority happiness and overconfidence , that truly God does not love/like every/each conceited/arrogant, proud/arrogant.'

'Do not speak to the people with your face turned away, nor walk proudly on earth; for Allah does not love any self-conceited boaster.'

'And do not turn your cheek away haughtily from mankind, and do not walk in the earth merrily. Surely Allah does not love everyone (who is) always conceited, (and) constantly boastful.'

31:18

These are multiple translations of the same verse.

So what I find myself doing is turning myself away from people to avoid them. Even if they say something I often do not even face them when answering. It's not because I feel superior, it's because I want to avoid toxic people who devalue me and behave arrogantly towards me. My intention is not to be arrogant but to avoid these people making me feel humiliated and unhappy.

Is the way I behave towards them haram? I do not behave like this to people in general, just people at work who in the past were arrogant towards me (and who I still sense arrogance from).

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TellMeTheTruth

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2020, 05:21:51 AM »
Salam!
Study 26:54 to 26:77. Hope you will find the answer to your question.
Peace!

tutti_frutti

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2020, 06:46:37 AM »
salam sarah

i do not know what would please The God, but i will answer with how i would have hopefully acted whilst aiming to please The God

i would forgive them and just ignore their attitide but at same time help them if they need my help especially if they are believers in the ONE and ONLY God

i would not give them attitude but if they insult me i woudl literally tell them God says to not call one another names (respond by inviting to the path of The God’s mercy)

if they are not believers i would not take them as allies but limit my interaction with them if they need assistance and try to pursuade them to believe and worship The God

dont be touched by them or hurt by them or they arrogance, but rather think big, think true, think of God and think of how to strive and make it to paradise

i personally think that people who give attitude or take themselves seriously are very little people. we should think big and strive in our worship of God

so, i would just ignore their attitude and help them if they need assistance and if they dont beleive try to invite them to believe in The God

peace sarah and good luck

reel

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2020, 10:38:19 AM »
Quote
My intuition tells me so. When I researched narcissism, the experts and people who've experienced this sort of treatment advise to go 'no contact' with such people. To avoid them whenever you can if you have to be around them. They say attention only feeds a narcissist, makes him/ her more grandiose, egotistical and makes them want to mistreat you again because they do not value you as their ego and pride only grows when you give them attention.

A lot goes in the mistreatment. The main term is narc abuse. Human resources teams are now trying to come up with ideas to make sure narcs are not allowed at workplace. Not sure if it is all working. However, the verses you provided have nothing to do with going no contact with narcs. They are the people without moral compass and hence should not be allowed in the society without therapy. Quranically they are everything God tells us not to be. As Christians say, narcs are demons in disguise of humans.

It really doesn’t matter how you interact with a narc because they will always paint you based on whatever color they personally choose. Your smile can be interpreted as fake. You can be accused of having malicious intention anytime. They can accuse you of stealing things without evidence and keep going with that for months. If needed they will even generate artificial evidence. They just want to win. If somehow they interpret a word of yours as “insulting” in their head it won’t take time for them to get people to be against you. This might explain the problem: https://youtu.be/ygwLwufWA90

No contact is prescribed by experts because the slow torture will eventually affect you both physically and psychologically. The damage is lifelong.
"I fear that nothing will lead me to hell more than ḥadīth"-Hadith collector: Shu'ba Ibn al-Ḥajjāj

Cerberus

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2020, 04:21:00 AM »
very wrong indeed.

spodacus

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2020, 05:55:26 AM »
Salam my humble advice would be to stop focusing on your coworkers and focus instead on how your behavior is affecting you. Meaning that for example if people are laughing at you then you should be asking yourself why you are hiding away instead of confronting them about it and/or telling a supervisor? It sounds like harassment which you could take legal action and if the supervisor ignores you then you could take legal action against them too. Sounds to me like your root problem isnt your co workers but your own self esteem?

I would say one of the goal characteristic of a muslim is to become confident in your own skin since you should fear no one except Allah. In that case no amount of laughing could disturb you.

Thanks!

Peace

So basically where I work I tend to keep myself to myself and I don't look at people except only when I have to. I behave this way because in the past the same people I give no attention to were either rude to me or arrogant. The type that laugh at you whilst walking past you. For this reason I avoid eye contact or making conversations. To avoid humiliation and emotional suffering. I have a gut feeling my workplace is filled with narcissism. My intuition tells me so. When I researched narcissism, the experts and people who've experienced this sort of treatment advise to go 'no contact' with such people. To avoid them whenever you can if you have to be around them. They say attention only feeds a narcissist, makes him/ her more grandiose, egotistical and makes them want to mistreat you again because they do not value you as their ego and pride only grows when you give them attention.

In the Qur'an it says:

'And do not turn away your cheek from the people, and do not walk in the land/Earth showing superiority happiness and overconfidence , that truly God does not love/like every/each conceited/arrogant, proud/arrogant.'

'Do not speak to the people with your face turned away, nor walk proudly on earth; for Allah does not love any self-conceited boaster.'

'And do not turn your cheek away haughtily from mankind, and do not walk in the earth merrily. Surely Allah does not love everyone (who is) always conceited, (and) constantly boastful.'

31:18

These are multiple translations of the same verse.

So what I find myself doing is turning myself away from people to avoid them. Even if they say something I often do not even face them when answering. It's not because I feel superior, it's because I want to avoid toxic people who devalue me and behave arrogantly towards me. My intention is not to be arrogant but to avoid these people making me feel humiliated and unhappy.

Is the way I behave towards them haram? I do not behave like this to people in general, just people at work who in the past were arrogant towards me (and who I still sense arrogance from).

Sarah

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2020, 11:02:36 AM »
A lot goes in the mistreatment. The main term is narc abuse. Human resources teams are now trying to come up with ideas to make sure narcs are not allowed at workplace. Not sure if it is all working. However, the verses you provided have nothing to do with going no contact with narcs. They are the people without moral compass and hence should not be allowed in the society without therapy. Quranically they are everything God tells us not to be. As Christians say, narcs are demons in disguise of humans.

It really doesn’t matter how you interact with a narc because they will always paint you based on whatever color they personally choose. Your smile can be interpreted as fake. You can be accused of having malicious intention anytime. They can accuse you of stealing things without evidence and keep going with that for months. If needed they will even generate artificial evidence. They just want to win. If somehow they interpret a word of yours as “insulting” in their head it won’t take time for them to get people to be against you. This might explain the problem: https://youtu.be/ygwLwufWA90

No contact is prescribed by experts because the slow torture will eventually affect you both physically and psychologically. The damage is lifelong.

Great answer Reel. I don't think anybody else in the comments gets it. They don't seem to understand the psychological war these types of people are playing. I give narcissists no attention or as little as possible because that's what the experts advise if one has to be around them and cannot go no contact.
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Sarah

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2020, 11:11:39 AM »
Salam my humble advice would be to stop focusing on your coworkers and focus instead on how your behavior is affecting you. Meaning that for example if people are laughing at you then you should be asking yourself why you are hiding away instead of confronting them about it and/or telling a supervisor? It sounds like harassment which you could take legal action and if the supervisor ignores you then you could take legal action against them too. Sounds to me like your root problem isnt your co workers but your own self esteem?

I would say one of the goal characteristic of a muslim is to become confident in your own skin since you should fear no one except Allah. In that case no amount of laughing could disturb you.

Thanks!

If people behave arrogantly towards me or try to harass me, the experts say it's best to avoid them and give them no attention. That's why I avoid them and give no attention unless necessary. They're  not my coworkers, they have a different job but work in the same place.

The supervisor isn't great and the manager doesn't have much empathy so they're useless if you need help. If a person lacks empathy then they are basically a narcissist because that's one of the core characteristics of narcissism.
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aqua

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2020, 12:40:55 PM »
There is nothing wrong or Haram about treating people with justice. Your behaviour towards these people is in a way serving justice for their bad treatment and injustice toward you. I would further suggest considering switching jobs if possible, to eliminate the toxic environment and to fully go 'no contact' with these people as you mentioned. I understand that this is not always simple to do, but sometimes it is the only solution.

OP29

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Re: Is what I am doing wrong/ haram
« Reply #9 on: September 23, 2020, 02:00:02 AM »
listen to surah adh-dhariyat (quran ch51) on repeat
Omar Hisham Arabi, Be Heaven