Author Topic: Close to divorce  (Read 845 times)

jkhan

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #10 on: March 09, 2019, 06:36:46 PM »
Dear Brother.....
Peace....

I read all your thread meticulously......  I am afraid you have lost the interest to live with her so does she.....  It seems she is compelling you to be in Sunni form of belief and with culture even before your change took place she seems dissapointed marrying you since you are different to her... For whatever the reason she married you but she can't cope with it.... And this change in you now is widening the gap and things are getting worse...
Meanwhile you  are emphasising that you can't be a Sunni again and return to that culture... Of course you don't need to.... You can't be someone else once you want to be you.....  There is no bridge between you guys....  Better option is get out of the shackles... Sad to say... But that's what it should be... Marriage is a bond and living with giving in and mutual understanding but it seems both of you cannot perform it anymore....  I know you are on the right path but marriage is different.... Your life should go on.....  Unless she accept you as you are as a person with your practical belief and if she doesn't prefer your change while you don't mind totally what she does in her belief.... Then I assume better find alternative option.... So sorry.  .. Decide yourself with what is best according to your own dilemma....
In case if you divorce her right at this time make sure what is the instructions of Quran and what Reaponsiliies you got to do till child to be born and forget weaning....  Though you divorce you will have responsibilities.... I guess...  Child is both of yours... Tough time ahead.... May God make it easy...
Lastly remember... It won't be easy finding a girl who is Quran based..   Unless you don't prefer a sunni again in your life.... Lol...

hawk99

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #11 on: March 09, 2019, 10:58:05 PM »
This is exactly what I have been doing ever since I started this journey. I never tried to push my opinions on her, never tried to pressure her. I in fact avoided bringing this topic up, I kept this to myself as much as I could, but most of the times she was the one bringing it up.

Well, do you think it's time for [4:35]?

                                  :peace:
The secret to monotheism can be found in the garden

SarahY

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #12 on: March 10, 2019, 03:31:56 AM »
Quote
My main concern is that I don't get to see the child, that's all. Because I will always look after it, I will always support my wife even if she does want to divorce because it is my duty as a man, and as a muslim to provide for the child.

This is maybe why a lawyer would be useful, no harm in seeking advice.

Quote
But I believe she is also using this as an excuse, she already had problems before this and wanted to divorce because of culture difference. She is Somali, and I am a convert. There are obvious differences culture-wise, but she knew that before she married me. But again, I never tried to force my opinions upon her, I always said she should follow what her heart thinks is right, but she does not approve of my opinions sadly.

It could be an excuse. We all have expectations before entering relationships and sometimes knowing and living it is something different. Sometimes our expectations don't live up to the same standards we envisioned. Reality and perspective can be very different. So she may be struggling to adapt to the circumstances. 

I have to say though, I don't know anyone in a relationship that agrees on everything 100% we all have differing opinions and ideas. Some to more or less degrees than others... it all depends on what is tolerable. For you it seems you can tolerate her ideologies but can't tolerate living with someone who won't tolerate yours, fair enough. so if that's the decision and the main concern is raising the child. find out what rights you have to ensure you can spend time with your child etc.

We all have blind spots.
Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
ambiguity is there for a reason, why do you think?
We're all different, so how can we all be equal?

A Submitter

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #13 on: March 11, 2019, 12:34:02 PM »
Salamun aleikom.

I do not know if this is the right place to post this, but I'd like to share something with you.

I've been married to my wife for almost a year, and a couple of months ago I started my journey to reflecting upon the Qur'an an following more the Qur'an than hadith.
My wife has been having problems with this obviously, she is a born Sunni and my discoveries have been really challenging to her. She is pregnant alhamdulillah, and she will give birth in 4 months InshaAllah.

My problem is that my wife wants to divorce me now. She has been struggling with my discoveries and my issues with hadith, and the last month has been really difficult for me and for her. She does not understand my point, especially when I tell her that I rather follow the Qur'an than additional books with questioning authenticity. I do not want to stay with a woman that does not feel comfortable with me and my beliefs/opinions, but my only worry is the kid. I know none of you can help me, but I wonder if anyone has been through something similar in the past?
Salam,

Is God more important or your wife and child???? This is a test!
Be patient, put your trust in God, and remember Him as much as you can, and do not set up any partners with Him; perhaps He will grant you a solution.

And continue reminding your wife.
Salam

bMapuche

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2019, 05:55:22 AM »
Thanks for all the tips and support. But she made her last decision, she wants to divorce. I will not go back to traditional Islam just to save my matrimony. If this is what Allah wants, so it will be.

Now I just have to get information about me also having the custody of the child, I do not want to have a son that I cannot also raise.

huruf

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2019, 06:49:32 AM »
I trust, at least that, you two will be able to solve and agree on the best for the child. I pray for that, and at any rate, keep up your spirits. God will give the best if you act with fairness. Divorce is not nice, but it is nicer than injustice and indignity.

Really all the best and for you and the child.

salaam

Mahdi Ibrahim

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2019, 05:58:25 PM »
If this is what Allah wants, so it will be.

The Quran clearly stated otherwise:

But as for those who have clear evidence from their Lord followed up by a witness from Him — and before it the Book of Musa came as a model and a mercy — such people have iman in it. Any faction which rejects it is promised the Fire. Be in no doubt about it. It is the Truth from your Lord. But most people have no iman. (11:17)

  • Clear evidence from their Lord (Sunnatullah, LordLaw of Nature)
  • followed up by a witness from Him (Revelation)
  • Before it the Book/Ordain of Musa came as a model and a mercy (Tawba, align our nature with NATURE)(7:156-157)
Only these people are the Quran ALONE.




_________________
ELSE, Mushrik:

So set your face firmly towards the Deen,

[What is the Deen? It is the Deen]

as a pure natural believer,

[What is the Deen as a Pure Natural Believer? It is]

Allah´s natural pattern on which He made mankind.

[It is Natural Pattern, the Law of Nature. What is the Law of Nature?]

There is no changing Allah´s creation.

[It is the Sunnatullah ALONE. "You will never encounter an alternative for sunnatullah. You will never find an alteration in the sunnatullah! (35:43)"]

That is the true Deen — but most people do not know it —

[Thus, what is your duty?]

turning towards Him (LordLaw of Nature).

Have taqwa (awareness) of Him (LordLaw of Nature)

[That is the definition of "Salat"]

and establish salat.

[It is to the duty to align our nature with NATURE. What is against "Salat"?]

Do not be among the Mushriks:

[Who are the Mushriks? They are]

those who split up their deen (of Ecological Justice),

and form into sects (of Political Jurisprudence, Forced Justice)

Each group happy with what it had.

(30:30-32)



Therefore, what a waste.
Matheism is the conditions of natural harmony for all situations | What defines you?

jkhan

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #17 on: March 14, 2019, 08:11:33 PM »
Thanks for all the tips and support. But she made her last decision, she wants to divorce. I will not go back to traditional Islam just to save my matrimony. If this is what Allah wants, so it will be.

Now I just have to get information about me also having the custody of the child, I do not want to have a son that I cannot also raise.

Peace Brother...
somehow my inner instinct said so...though i wished you guys be together... but continue your life as it is planned... do what you can do.. and keep hope on those what you can't do in Allah..

Wish you a peaceful, trouble free and easy life ahead with someone who totally befit to your new look....

Scrappy-doo

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Re: Close to divorce
« Reply #18 on: August 13, 2019, 05:05:34 AM »
 :peace: I went through a similar situation. My ex husband completely rejected my Qur'an centric views, and never hesitated to tell me that I was heading for the Hell fire and all those who followed what I was following. He would tell me that I am only following half my deen,one half being marriage the other is following the sunat of Muhammad. We argued for 6 years, to the point where he banned me from even mentioning the Qur'an as I did not understand it the same way he did. Suffice to say I ended up divorcing him. Two years on and I am feeling loads better, but I ain't gonna lie, it was very painful, and I experienced every cognitive dissonance going and a few more that probably haven't even been heard of!! What prompted me in the end was when I came across these signs:

5:5 "Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the people of the scripture is lawful for you, [and your food is lawful for them]*. Also, you may marry the chaste women among the believers, as well as the chaste women among the followers of previous scripture, provided you pay them their due dowries. You shall maintain chastity, not committing adultery, nor taking secret lovers. Anyone who rejects faith, all his work will be in vain, and in the Hereafter he will be with the losers."

2:221 "Do not marry idolatresses unless they believe; a believing woman is better than an idolatress, even if you like her. Nor shall you give your daughters in marriage to idolatrous men, unless they believe. A believing man is better than an idolater, even if you like him. These invite to Hell, while God invites to Paradise and forgiveness, as He wills. He clarifies His revelations for the people, that they may take heed."

I was in a dilemma for sure. On the one hand I knew we were not compatible, and that being with him would be going against God's harmony and love that he puts between spouses. As much as I desired him, meaning when he was good he was good, but when he was bad he was worse! There were other extenuating circumstances that led to my final decision. God had enlightened me to his infidelity, and that for years (do not know how many) he had another wife coming up to visit him in Prison. I forgot to mention he was a lifer, serving a sentence for Murder, of which he denied vehemently for 28 years when he was finally released on the TERS Scheme https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/638876/tariff-expired-removal-scheme-v5.0EXT.pdf in May this year, he finally got released back to his Country of origin. I suppose I was blind sighted most of the time because are relationship was dependant on phone calls, and visits.

It was when he got released that I was able to read him on the video chat. Unfortunately he never changed, and I realised that for now at least this man was not intending to follow the Qur'an alone. At the time I thought I'd never find someone else, as I am three years shy of 60, and although I have no regrets in life, I was feeling regretful that I didn't leave him when the first red flag presented itself. Now I look at it as lesson learned, I passed my trial, although not with grace some of the time, and if I find a like minded individual then اَلْحَمْدُ لِلّٰ, but I lean on the side that perhaps it is purer for me to be on my own. Our Lord knows best eh?  :group: I know I'm late to the party but I hope I have helped you, even in some small way? :)

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