I need some help or advise.. something. I love my husband so much and we have a great relationship. However, my M-I-L came to visit us in July and is leaving in 19 DAYS!. It is now at the point where I can't stand her. I have resentment and I honestly am completely happy if I NEVER have to go to egypt and meet his family.. EVER.
I just don't understand their culture or if it is her. She is like a sour patch kid, sweet and then SOUR. I feel at a loss, I feel bad.
She sees I work full time. She is kind and sweet, helps with laundry and cleaning, dinner and even helping with the baby (now 10months old). But then at the same time, she goes through ALL my things, taking what she likes and then asking me, can I have this? When I say no, I am perceived as the bitch daughter in law. She went through my jewelery looking for gold. SHe took a locket my mother gave me, I had to have it back it has very special meaning to me. SO I went and gathered some earring, necklaces and rings I don't wear much and gave them to her. The next day she gives them to my husband and says.. These are not real. I was like OMG! I bought her earrings (gold) for Eid, I spent more on her than I do my own mother, well they were not BIG enough, it was a freaking nightmare. Now she wants me to buy her more. His sister found out she is having a boy, well his mother went through all my baby's stuff, taking what she liked. I was so pissed! I was saving that, since we want another child! I am hoping she opens the sexy night gown drawer and all the other "goodies" in there and then maybe then she will stop snopping! After 5 months, I can't take it! My husband says this is egyptian style. His sister is hounding me for a baby walker and other baby stuff, to send to egypt. His mother has hoarded so much, no way can she take this back with her.
She wants money all the time, (her husband died) she has my husband sending 300- 400 over there every month. I hate this and it angers me. I am working full time and I want to go part-time, but I can't because 300.00 is alot and let me tell you they get it no matter what!!!! He has an older brother and when I asked what does he give her, he says he is supporting his wife and 4 kids so he can't. What is the difference??? I have 3 kids and us?? Just because she chooses not to work, well I don't want to work full time! When my car got vandalized for 4k and I had to get a rental and dip into the savings, he still sent that money even though at that time we really needed it. If he does not have it he'll even borrow it from friends. She then tells me she has satelite TV in every room, so she can watch JOHN CENA on WWE!! So this money is not even for the basics which I could sympathize with. It causes alot of issues in our marriage, I feel we can't rely on him, cause she is first. You can't get between the son and mother in egyptian culture I am told, she sees how we live, she does not care, the hand is always extended! I have 5 mouths to feed, we are strapped and it is because of them and it causes resentment. He is stuck in the middle. I can see his anger and annoyance but he will not face her about this.
Another is religion. I am not a good muslim to her. I recently took of the scarf. Well she had kittens. She is telling my husband I am disrespecting him, that I might be cheating on him.. WTH? She talks to him in Arabic right in front of me .. about me! I know enough to pick up words and an idea of what is said. I don't clean enough, or cook enough.. I work 40hrs +! Now that I follow Quran only..... lets not even go there! My husband is fine with my belief and not wearing the scarf, infact we have some great talks and he agrees with some of what I say. He is not a big follower of hadith or sunnah, she blames this on me, but he was like this BEFORE.
When I look in Quran I see his obligation to me and the children first. Am I wrong? Islamically or through advise in the quran what can I do? I went from loving her to not wanting to be around her or the others in his family. Mainly his sister and her. The eldest brother never really calls her and I don't even know his wife because she has never mentioned her nor has she bought anything for her.. or should I say WE have not bought anything. Anyone else with egyptian mother in laws? or familiar with the culture?