I thought, I would be a brave enough and let those who like reading stories like this would want to read it and those who appreciate it. Before, I start it I just wanted to say my English language is very poor, so hopefully, you will be able to understand my writing, inshallah.
I was born and raised in East Africa and the whole country is a “Muslim” populations. Since, I was born into a Sunni Muslim family, I had to follow what I have been taught by my family and from the Islamic school where we had to learn how to memorise the Qur'an (without usually understanding their meaning). When I was young, I was never a religious girl but my father seemed to have the knowledge of the stories of the Prophets/Messengers in Islam and about the Creator, which I thoroughly enjoyed it, of course. He also seemed to have the knowledge about science relating to the universe and etc. I used to pray, fast and read the Qur'an without concentrating on Allah, it was more like doing something you don't feel? But, I was never that kind of girl who go out a lot, gossiping with people, stealing or doing major bad things and happened to be the “quiet” girl.
My family (except my dad) and I then moved to the Europe when I was about 16 years old. I did the usual thing that I was supposed to be doing like going to school. I then became a religious Sunni Muslim when I was in early 20s. I got so close to Hadith and the Qur'an. I even made some videos about Islam (but had a problem how to upload them into Youtube). I had a friend who was a nice person from inside and outside but every time we had to go to the Masjid (mosque) especially during in Ramadan and in the last ten nights of Ramadan, we had to stay in the Masjid all night and we used to talk about Hadith a LOT and about the Prophet Muhammad's life. Lets just say, we even had to cry for him? We didn't talk about Allah like that in the Masjid! It was more related to the Prophet Muhammad's stories from Hadith. I then started going to one of the major's website's Forum and I had to share my views and my belief with others and so on. I always thought I was on the Right Path of Allah and thought I had nothing else to prove within my deen (religion). Although, every time the topic that came up about the killing of people who have left Islam, the stoning of adultery, music, suicide bombing, killing of the homosexual people irritated and confused me a lot! Because, I knew in the Qur'an it didn't say such a thing like that whereas the Hadith had them in? But, in my inner, I was against it (still I was following Hadith). Still, though, I loved Allah much and loved Him the most despite following the Hadith along with the Qur'an. I remember when we hit one of the Ramadan and I had to do a LONG du'a and asked Allah to guide me to His Path and asked a lot of others as well. I kept asking Him to guide me to His Path every time I finish praying.
After I hit the age of twenty five, I unintentionally posted a Forum about whether music is forbidden or not in Islam. I had a lot of reply from the Muslims. Their answers were mixed. Some said it was haram (forbidden), some said some music are haram and some said it isn't haram at all. Then, there was this brother (which I think he comes to his website, saw similar name of his?) who posted in my Forum and answered it very nicely using the verse of the Qur'an. It was Surah Luqman-31- verse 6. I then picked up the Qur'an and read that Verse to myself. By knowing how to read the Arabic language and can understand a few words only, I realised that verse wasn't talking about “Music”. It was talking about baseless hadith. Then it hit me and thought to myself: “Why would they not just say baseless hadith?”, “Why would they not translate the Arabic part as the way Allah says it and not the other way around?” This made me concerned a lot and I realised straight away that Hadith was contradicting the Qur'an a lot. It wasn't just the music part, it was also the parts of the stoning and killing people that left Islam and etc. This led me to do my own studying about Islam/Hadith and started it from the foundation and that is the -Qur'an- This time I had to rely on reading and understanding the Arabic parts and paid a lot of attentions to it. While I was at it, I came across many Verses that was inspiring to me (like when Allah said, do not divide and don't have sects in religion, the Qur'an is fully detailed and explained, people should be judged according to Allah's revelations and when Prophet Muhammad will say: “My people have deserted the Qur'an......) and I even saw how the English translation left out the Prophet Ibrahim's name in some Verses, this was quite shocking to me. Straight away, I left Hadith once I read the whole Qur'an and learned their meaning (most). I had no doubt or whatsoever about the Hadith. I just had to listen to Allah's verses and accept it straight away into my heart. I then began to ask Allah to forgive me since I was associating the Hadith along side with Him, which is a Shirk. And I was grateful and I became so happy and realised Allah has opened my eyes and heart to His Light, which is the Qur'an. I said the Shahada to myself in private: “I bear witness that there is no god except Allah” which is mentioned in the Qur'an (3-18) I also said: “I submit to the Lord of the universe.” (2-131). I then began to learn and started practising the Wudu (ablution), the prayer, the fasting and others from the Qur'an alone. I became very happy.
It was a wonderful experience and I was satisfied and felt blessed that Allah showered me with His Mercy.
I kept my deen hidden from everyone including my family except I told my few friends from the internet in order to keep myself safe. After 8 months, out of nowhere something happened in one night. I had a little misunderstanding with my big sister and out of nowhere I became emotional and it just came out of my mouth (gasps), I swear, I had no control in myself and I didn't know what I was doing. Glory be to Allah! Before this happened though, I was sad sometimes, this is because I live with my family and the house is pretty crowded and there is no privacy and it made my praying to Allah alone VERY difficult. In inside, I just wanted to follow what Allah said of how to pray (He said not to read silently or loudly during praying?) so I was scared that my family would be able to hear it, hence I kept it silently and this went against what Allah said, right? This led me to be sad for a while and I revealed my religion to my family that night out of nowhere. Glory be to Allah! I wasn't even ready to tell my family but I knew that it was Allah's will since I had no control over myself that night.
I was very terrified that night because I thought my family would just hit me or hurt me. My mother, my two sisters were very shocked whom were there! I told them: “I do not follow the Hadith any more, I follow the Qur'an alone and I worship Allah alone. And when praying to Allah, I do not mention anything outside from the Qur'an or say the Prophet's names during it. I only follow what Allah asked me to only.” They all went quiet and were gasping and stuff and I was overly emotional and crying (I am not like that usually but every time I had to say Allah's name there were tears in my eyes in front of them). Anyways, one of my sister said to me: “You are not a Muslim then.” and then she left. My mother stood up and went so crazy and started yelling at me and said to me: “You are a Jew, get out of the house right now.” My other big sister said to me: “You have left the religion of Islam.” And she also said to me: “You have left the religion that your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, great great grandparents has followed?” And she also said: “Are you smarter than our father? Is that it?” And she said: “Your young sister who finished the Qur'an knows more than what you know so lets ask her.” I stood there for a bit, my eyes were staring at her and was very shocked (because it fit in the examples of what Allah said in the Qur'an). I told her: “I am not following any false religion, I am only following the Religion of the Prophet Ibrahim, nothing new at all.” She then said to me: “Ibrahim and Prophet Muhammad had difference in the religion, they are not the same, why are you following the ibrahim's religion and not Mohammed's?”
I was shaking, crying and was scared at the same time. It was the worst experience in my whole life! I had no one else with me who was there to protect me. I stood there for a bit but my mother continued yelling at me and it was scary, I can't explain it into words. So, I started packing my bag (I didn't even know where to go, I had no one else to go to, but I knew if I left, Allah would be there for me). While I was at it, packing my bag and folding my clothes, my big sister had to stop me folding it and taking out every clothes I put it in my bag while she was yelling at me and grabbing my shoulder and shaking it and saying: “Come back to the old religion, what happened to you? Who mislead you? Why, why why?” And etc etc etc. Then she asked me: “Do you have anywhere else to go to?” And I said: “No” So, after a bit, it went a bit quiet and they calmed down for a bit. She begged me to stay since it was her house and not my mother's. She begged and begged and all I could just do was pray to Allah in inside and ask for help and make a decision for me, whether to leave or not. My mother later apologized and said: “Sorry for calling you a jew”. My big sister said, she won't force me to believe in the way they're following their religion and told me to stay. So, I stayed. After a day or two days, my big sister dreamt a dream. She saw in her dream, me standing in the front of Jannah (Paradise), my father was behind me and then the family were behind him. And it was said: “She -my name- is the first to enter jannah.” Allah knows the best of what that dream was about of course, not every dream is true. But, I smiled in inside and hoped that was a true. It went on for two weeks straight, my mother had to ask me how I pray and told her: “I pray to Allah alone”. My brother who lives at another place and is married came to the house one day when that event happened and he said to my face: “You are a Christian.” And my young sister came one day from taking a break from her uni. Her and my mother came to me while I was in my room and my mother said: “You don't pray like us?” And I told her: “No, I just pray to Allah alone and follow the Qur'an alone as I said before.” Then my young sister had to get involve with it and she said to me: “Then LEAVE the Qur'an.” Meaning, since you don't follow the Hadith then there is no point to follow the Qur'an. I then thought of just leaving the house for good and had no place to go to but my big sister reacted and again made me stay and just couldn't let me go. I told her, I cannot take it any more how they try to force me into their beliefs when I am following the Path of Allah and when they treat me as a Non-Muslim. She then had to call my father who lives in Africa, he convinced me to stay and not to listen to my siblings of what they're saying. I told him, they should just leave me in peace and if they try to say such a thing like that, I am done. He accepted it. After that, they did not bother me, thankfully.
My father didn't call me anything bad or insulted me, however thought he sent me some emails that following Hadith is the right thing to do and stuff but I didn't pay attention to it, nor did I reply to it. I still talk to my dear father and he still treats me like his daughter. (All thanks to Allah)
But that 2 weeks was the worst ever in my whole life! I have never ever experienced anything like that. Glory be to Allah! That 2 weeks just felt like 1,000 years to me because it was so hard to take in. Thankfully, Allah was the one who protected me from my family and He was the only one whom I had to rely on through all that! I felt He was watching me and was there for me somewhat. That's what I felt! Otherwise, it could have been worse as I have imagined it before. It was God whom put love between my father and I. And it was God whom put love between my big sister and I. She never forced me into her belief after that, she made me stay in her house, she cares for me just the way she did it before and I am grateful of that. So grateful of that. Allhamdulillah!
It's been 4 months now since that happened, however, my mother doesn't associate with me like she used to. For instance, when she laughs, it's just different, conversations between us doesn't last long and she still tries to push me into her belief though by saying: “You don't mention Mohammad's name in your prayer? “You do not believe in Prophet Muhammad”. And on and on and on, which hurts me a lot! How could I not believe in prophet Muhammad (pbh) when I am following the Qur'an, which he brought it to us from Allah? It makes me sad until to this day and will be. Let's just say, she is just not happy with me ever since. But to me, Allah comes first, I treat her kind and when she says to me “You do not mention Mohammad's name in your prayer still?” I tell her this: “I pray to Allah alone” and leave her peacefully but a few times it's hard to keep the cool. May Allah forgive me.
Oh, I forgot to mention that they said there is a jinn inside me apparently when I told them about my deen.
(I had to laugh inside anyways). Following the Qur'an alone and devoting to Allah alone makes me a jinni? I didn't know that!
What can I say in conclusion? I am very happy that I follow the Qur'an alone, I call myself a Muslim (monotheism) and worship Allah alone. I still learn in everyday and I am enjoying it. I feel very blessed that Allah has opened my heart to see His perfect Light. Without Him, I am nothing. I am grateful and appreciate of what He has done for me. It is a bit difficult living with a Sunni Muslim family but, I'm being patient and my patience can ran out a few times. I am planning to get my own place soon, God Willing. So hopefully, it will make things much easier for me inshallah. I just wish I had a friend who is like me in reality so I don't become alone in this perfect religion. God willing, I won't lose hope, I will survive with God on my side. That's all that matters to me! He is my friend, my Teacher and my Creator! I saw many signs of Allah, sometimes when I get lonely with this religion, He sends me someone or my little niece or nephew coming running to me and hugging me and spending lots of times with me out of nowhere (when usually I had to run after them to hug me and they refuse to lol) Well, that's one of His signs and He just makes me smile or make me laugh with something straight away when I become lonely or sad about it.
I am so sorry for the essay I wrote down and I hope you enjoyed reading my story.