Family Issues > Marriage & Divorce
why do people complicate things?
justamuslim:
when i separated from my ex, we both mutually agreed to it by declaring verbally that we are separated. we still lived in the same apartment but didn't have physical contact. this was the period of working on our relationship. well, it didn't work. and so we decided on divorce. verbally and via e-mail we declared ourselves no longer husband and wife. my ex moved out. we took care of property and such keeping things civil. then i filed for legal divorce.
now, why can't the same be true of marriage? i have read various opinions and views on marriage where everything is so heavy on tradition, hadiths and such. why do people make things so complicated? two people meet and now with cell phones, internet, skype, and such makes it a whole lot easy to get to know each other to see about compatibility, shared views and such without kissing, hugging, and such (keeping it all islamic). once a couple make that decision to marry, why can't they just declare their intentions/oath and then proceed with the legal ceremony/documentation? simple as that.
mirjamnur:
The Nikaah ( contract for married )has been described in very specific Arabic terms by the Quran as a 'Meethaqan Galezaan'.
004:021
"How can you take it (back) after one of you has gone in to the other, and they have taken a solemn covenant (Arabic: Meethaqan Galezaan)?"
The 'Meethaqan Galezaan (Solemn Covenant) is arguably one of the most powerful, lasting covenants that can be entered into and has been used in the Quran to describe:
(1) The solemn covenant God took with the Children of Israel with regards the Sabbath (4:154)
(2) The solemn covenant God took with all His prophets (33:7)
The importance and gravity of the nature of such a covenant can be well attested by the two examples above. The only other time such a description is used is with regards 'Nikaah' (4:21)
Given that simple contracts require at least two witnesses (2:282), there can be no argument for the need of independent witnesses to authenticate a covenant of marriage. Therefore, a Nikaah must be enacted in front of other witnesses.
There is further wisdom that can be extracted from such a covenant.
(1) Both parties making the contract should be of sound mind and maturity, have been assessed for marriage suitability and can fulfil the obligations being agreed to within the contract.
(2) Both parties must fully agree to the covenant undertaken therefore they must understand and comprehend the terms with all its related commitments and responsibilities.
(3) Marriage vows are entered into with a view to last a couple's lifetime (source www.quransmessage.com
--- Quote from: justamuslim on May 18, 2011, 09:46:44 AM ---when i separated from my ex, we both mutually agreed to it by declaring verbally that we are separated. we still lived in the same apartment but didn't have physical contact. this was the period of working on our relationship. well, it didn't work. and so we decided on divorce. verbally and via e-mail we declared ourselves no longer husband and wife. my ex moved out. we took care of property and such keeping things civil. then i filed for legal divorce.
now, why can't the same be true of marriage? i have read various opinions and views on marriage where everything is so heavy on tradition, hadiths and such. why do people make things so complicated? two people meet and now with cell phones, internet, skype, and such makes it a whole lot easy to get to know each other to see about compatibility, shared views and such without kissing, hugging, and such (keeping it all islamic). once a couple make that decision to marry, why can't they just declare their intentions/oath and then proceed with the legal ceremony/documentation? simple as that.
--- End quote ---
dear justamuslim
when you study the nikaah from the Quran you see, that is simple :)!
Emil:
--- Quote from: justamuslim on May 18, 2011, 09:46:44 AM --- two people meet and now with cell phones, internet, skype, and such makes it a whole lot easy to get to know each other to see about compatibility, shared views and such without kissing, hugging, and such (keeping it all islamic).
--- End quote ---
Whaaaat? Kissing and hugging is unislamic??? I beg to differ......Allah has made hugging and kissing, why are you saying it is not from Him?
I actually had this conversation with my wife, you know about the complexity of marriage and this and that paper. In our country a Nikkah is not valid until registred with the IRS which is not done automatically and that adds to the confusion......There are many muslims here who do not know they are not married.......by law that is......Because they have not been informed......Anyways, my wife was worried that since we had intimate contact before the Nikkah was signed that Allah would punish us for this.
I tried to explain that Allah would not punish us, but the concept of Nikkah was haunting her so she was not convinced. The coin dropped however when I asked what her heart and mind was telling her the first time she kissed me. Was I only a thrill of the moment or did she kiss me because she wanted to be with me, living with me, growing old with me? She answered the latter (lucky me). I asked her eventhough she only felt it and had not told a living soul about her feelings towards me, who else knew? she answered "Allah"............
That is the outmost, that is the thing that matters......A "real" marriage is not a piece of paper claiming authority. The real marriage is in your heart and only Allah can read that.......The real marriage is when you take an oath to your spouse, not when you say "I do" on a piece of paper...If I meet a girl, fall in love and my heart is telling me she is the one, do you think I need a piece of paper to prove to Allah I am sincere? Do you think the girl would see my oath towards her being stronger simply because I sign a paper? If she does she is misguided thinking a signature can govern my heart. The oath I take with Allah as my witness surpasses any paper,
So marriage is simple, your heart will tell you and it will tell Allah, and then you have taken an oath. The rest has nothing to do with Allah because he already knows. The rest is all what society wants you to do.....
mirjamnur:
Salamu aleikum Emil
--- Quote from: Emil on February 27, 2012, 04:58:30 PM ---Whaaaat? Kissing and hugging is unislamic??? I beg to differ......Allah has made hugging and kissing, why are you saying it is not from Him?
I actually had this conversation with my wife, you know about the complexity of marriage and this and that paper. In our country a Nikkah is not valid until registred with the IRS which is not done automatically and that adds to the confusion......There are many muslims here who do not know they are not married.......by law that is......Because they have not been informed......Anyways, my wife was worried that since we had intimate contact before the Nikkah was signed that Allah would punish us for this.
I tried to explain that Allah would not punish us, but the concept of Nikkah was haunting her so she was not convinced. The coin dropped however when I asked what her heart and mind was telling her the first time she kissed me. Was I only a thrill of the moment or did she kiss me because she wanted to be with me, living with me, growing old with me? She answered the latter (lucky me). I asked her eventhough she only felt it and had not told a living soul about her feelings towards me, who else knew? she answered "Allah"............
That is the outmost, that is the thing that matters......A "real" marriage is not a piece of paper claiming authority. The real marriage is in your heart and only Allah can read that.......The real marriage is when you take an oath to your spouse, not when you say "I do" on a piece of paper...If I meet a girl, fall in love and my heart is telling me she is the one, do you think I need a piece of paper to prove to Allah I am sincere? Do you think the girl would see my oath towards her being stronger simply because I sign a paper? If she does she is misguided thinking a signature can govern my heart. The oath I take with Allah as my witness surpasses any paper,
So marriage is simple, your heart will tell you and it will tell Allah, and then you have taken an oath. The rest has nothing to do with Allah because he already knows. The rest is all what society wants you to do.....
--- End quote ---
i I understand your opinion. However, if you read my post carefully,you will found the nikah contract, as described in the Koran.You should take your oath for witnesses but, human witnesses, because this treaty is so important in the eyes of Allah. Then the Mahr belongs to the marriage ( see 4.25)
In my understanding, it is also better, and in accordance with Allah's law, that the marriage contract is in writing form as such. Compare 2.282 where should be two witnesses for a loan. If the spouses comes from different cultural backgrounds, the contract prevent possible controversies (specially also when it's come for Talaq). This,not to complicate matters unnecessarily, but to prevent abuse (specially for the women). This nikah takes five minutes, what we lost? We should bow to the Wisdom of Allah. He is the Knower, the Wise. :peace:
Kaiokenred:
--- Quote from: justamuslim on May 18, 2011, 09:46:44 AM ---when i separated from my ex, we both mutually agreed to it by declaring verbally that we are separated. we still lived in the same apartment but didn't have physical contact. this was the period of working on our relationship. well, it didn't work. and so we decided on divorce. verbally and via e-mail we declared ourselves no longer husband and wife. my ex moved out. we took care of property and such keeping things civil. then i filed for legal divorce.
now, why can't the same be true of marriage? i have read various opinions and views on marriage where everything is so heavy on tradition, hadiths and such. why do people make things so complicated? two people meet and now with cell phones, internet, skype, and such makes it a whole lot easy to get to know each other to see about compatibility, shared views and such without kissing, hugging, and such (keeping it all islamic). once a couple make that decision to marry, why can't they just declare their intentions/oath and then proceed with the legal ceremony/documentation? simple as that.
--- End quote ---
You should replace that with sex and such stuff. Kissing and especially hugging ( even before marriage) aren't unislamic
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