Is Marriage all it's cracked up to be

[Maisha]

Perfection in a marriage comes about when you are in synch with someone to the extent that your lives are intertwined yet seperate. You both have the freedom to grow at your own individual pace. When more is understood rather than said. Its possible but takes hard work...not just going to happen on its own.

[Indelwyn]

Perfection in a marriage comes about when you are in synch with someone to the extent that your lives are intertwined yet seperate. You both have the freedom to grow at your own individual pace. When more is understood rather than said. Its possible but takes hard work...not just going to happen on its own.

You are 100% right. Along with trust. All of this takes time with ups and downs. I was in a marital nightmare in my first marriage. so I have seen both sides. But Maisha said it perfectly.

[Rana]

Salaam all. I don't believe that any marriage comes anywhere near perfection. Call me cynical if you like. I think some marriages are workable and there is love within them and that is what I would consider the best one could hope for. So I guess perfection is not really perfection. 2 people stuck together living their lives is never going to be easy all the time. As pointed out, people change and grow. Each person has to understand that. You can't be upset that a person changes when change is a natural part of life (well you can, but it's futile and often unfair).

Differences and problems can come out anywhere. After marriage the couples personalities keep growing. Their bodies change over time. Interests. Work. Values. Your family if you decide to start one and that is a huge thing.

I could list lots of gripes as I'm sure everyone could...but I won't.   But probably my biggest one would be control. I think that partners often try to control the other too much to the detriment of the relationship. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes subtle. But seriously, who wants pressure to think and take on the other persons viewpoint all the time. I have a brain of my own (for better or worse lol). I don't want to be pressured to think like someone else. I reserve my right to disagree and hold a different view even when that impacts how I live my life.

Of course there are many benefits to marriage too. They should be considered in a balanced way though. 

[savage_carrot]

But seriously, who wants pressure to think and take on the other persons viewpoint all the time.

Well said.

Great post, pros and cons and all.

[Halil]

Dont know diddely doodely about marriage. But i do know plenty of the alternative. Being lonely for almost ten years now i can only say that it is pure... murder.

[Rana]

Dont know diddely doodely about marriage. But i do know plenty of the alternative. Being lonely for almost ten years now i can only say that it is pure... murder.

Yeah being alone when you want someone to share life with is hard. 

[progod]

Wait until you get married and all of those idealistic concepts of both partners always trying to communicate with each other, being mature, and trying to understanding each other fly out of the window. Wait until you realize how much people are governed by their petty emotions even when they say or think they are not. Even when you thought you picked a person who may have been beyond that. Wait until you are sick of being the 'bigger person' in the relationship and your significant other doesn't even realize what's going on and they don't want to hear it from you. Just wait. Hormones and societal pressure make us want to find a signficant other of the opposite sex, thinking we can share all things and be open and communicative and with that all things will run well. Haa! If you don't want to be alone I suggest finding some righteous companionship of the same sex and to keep those friends even when you do find someone to marry, you will still need them. Believe me!!

Godbless,
Anwar

[Rana]

Wait until you get married and all of those idealistic concepts of both partners always trying to communicate with each other, being mature, and trying to understanding each other fly out of the window. Wait until you realize how much people are governed by their petty emotions even when they say or think they are not. Even when you thought you picked a person who may have been beyond that. Wait until you are sick of being the 'bigger person' in the relationship and your significant other doesn't even realize what's going on and they don't want to hear it from you. Just wait. Hormones and societal pressure make us want to find a signficant other of the opposite sex, thinking we can share all things and be open and communicative and with that all things will run well. Haa! If you don't want to be alone I suggest finding some righteous companionship of the same sex and to keep those friends even when you do find someone to marry, you will still need them. Believe me!!

Godbless,
Anwar

Peace Anwar. You've made some good points. I have to say though that you sound a little cynical, lol. I think marriage does that.

[justamuslim]

respect and compassion - that's all there is to it.   being a non-traditional muslim, been alone most of my life.  worse than that was to be in emotionally abusive relationships.   but i believe in God and that there is someone out there for me who would be a good fit.   with each passing day, what helps is knowing that i am one day closer to happiness either in this life or the life hereafter (hopefully). 

[progod]

I know it sounds like I'm knocking marriage, but I'm not. It's just not that end all and be all, or perfect solution for lonliness that everyone single person imagines it to be, even if for the most part it does solve the lonliness issue. Because I've been there too, a young bachelor longing for marriage "knowing" that when I do get married everything will work out just fine, that I will tolerate and be understanding of her in everyway and she will do likewise. I had no idea until I got married that it is not like that. Well, maybe it's like that for some couples that I've never met, but for most it is not like that and it is very hard for men and women in close and constant quarters to tolerate each other all of the time. It's a constant up and down with no direct or logical way to reach resolutions to problems. But i can't speak for everyone. However, the Quran says that women and children are a test for men. I couldn't sum it up better. And although there is no Quranic verse that states the opposite (which is very telling to me), we know from real life that depending on the character of the men in our families, men can be a real test for women too.

Godbless,
Anwar