Good evening everyone,
I have a little tale to tell which may sound confused, that is because I am. I am looking for some guidance and some words of support.
I guess I should give a little history that lets you know why I am here and considering reverting to Islam.
I was born in Northern England, Protestant by ritual not by practice. I grew up with a family of very strong Women who all had faith, as spiritualists. The idea of God and Jesus was a constant and I cherished a childrens Bible I was bought as a child. THe strange thing is that through my, sometimes, very tough life I have always had a strong belief in God, not so for Jesus as his son. When times got very tough it was God I prayed to and never really included Jesus as the person I asked for help. God was the one who was there for me. Not confusing so far.
Fast forward and a relationship with a Catholic woman, three offspring - all with troubles, a divorce and a new relationship with a woman I love. Through work I meet a muslim woman (hold on, this isn't what you might think). I work closely with this woman and we chat about our philosophies on life and religion. I re-realise that I have always had faith in God - but God alone and I find that Islam kind of fits with many of my values, there are some which I'm not sure about and these I am prepared to work on because at the root I have faith that there is only one God and he has no partners. Still not confusing!?!
Now, my family, here goes - my parents practie no religion but can be quite scathing about minorities. I have several family members who are, well to be blunt, racist and Islamophobes. They are affiliated with groups which make me feel ashamed to be white and English. My three children I think would be ok. My partner, common law, is my biggest confusion. She claims to be spiritual as opposed to religious, but I see little evidence of this, but I love her. We are, though, more like friends than lovers. Making this step could involve a massive change in my life, on every level. How do I deal with family? How do I begin to explain what I am considering? How do I really beging to consider what to do next when I really don't understand who to turn to to discover the basics of beginning to practice not only the faith Islam but the life Islam provides.
I see a better life but don't want to hurt those around me. I worry that when I begin to practice I will alienate myself and find the change too much to keep up and am left with nothing. Yet I have this faith in God which I need to make conceret. I read peoples stories and wish I was at that point where it had all happened I was in a life I want. Where do I begin? Who do I speak to? What do I need to learn first? How do I stop what appears to be my double life developing and destroying me? Confued enough? I'm looking for answers I don't think people have. This is my story, this is my, unfinished, journey. Any wise words would be more than welcome right now.