One has to make de part of things. In another aya of the Qur'an there is an explanation of why one has tob e good to his or her parents. It says te mother carried you 9 months and then took care of you and says something else about the father. On the other hand, the aya quoted at the beginning of the thread says to be good to the parents. I do not see that it says obey them. It is obvious that while we are children and cannot fence for ourselves we should obey, but when we are forty obey the parents cannot be other thing than a joke. Parents get older, so we should be good to them. Muslims must be good to everybody, then obviously also to parents, but parent are not anybody, we owe them something, they have served God, willingly or unwillingly so that we exist. We must be particularly good to them.
But when the father has never cared for us, there is no reason. The mother since even if it was only that, carried us 9 months. Gratefulness demands form us that we do nto forget that, but on the other hand if after that she has been utterly bad to us, first we should defend ourselves, and after we are properly protected we may turn to her and be good to her.
That is what we have been told, be good to them, particularly good. And the same thing applies as to everybody else. We should be good to everybody, but the demand does nto mean that we should obey anybody or put up with anything from anybody. For God's sake we are obliged to every liing being, but that does not mean under any conditions and no matter what they do. The same shoudl apply to parents, only that we are specially indebted to them, sicne God used them for our existence.
Then of course, when they are very loving, we are more than indebted, we love them, love them very much and care for them no because of any obligation, but because we love them.
Teh thing, I think, is that we should not be grudging with them, but ggood. Parenting is very difficult, extremely difficult and people are not genius neither for that nor for anything else, we therefore shoudl be patient with their errors, and not hold them against them when they are not done on purpose. They are human. We should be good to them. We are not perfect either.