An analogy on the relationship in marriage....

[Wakas]

peace all,

There has been discussion recently on the role/relationship of the wife/husband in marriage and it reminded me of something. Whilst I think The Quran encapsulates the relationship very well (e.g. garments for one another), there is no harm looking to the external signs/ayatin for reminders/examples/etc.


My mum is quite a keen gardener and as a child I often used to help my mum in the garden (still do sometimes!). I recall when my mum started to grow some trees (I cant recall for what fruit, maybe apple) and she used to plant alongside the growing seedling a small post/stick. Being an inquisitve child, I asked my mum why and she said that by wrapping the growing seedling around the stick as it grew would help the seedling grow high and strong. So I asked cant it grow high and strong without it, and she said it can but it helps having support. So I asked my mum if we could grow one without the stick just to see what would happen.
As the weeks and months went by, I would go out into the garden to inspect them and sure enough, the one with the support stick was growing taller and looked more healthy (e.g. bigger leaves) and the other one without was still growing but not as well. When it came to replacing the support stick for a bigger one, I asked my mum to also plant a stick for the one without this time, and she looked at me and asked why? I told her that I see how the stick helps and I wanted the other one to grow tall and strong too so we could have more apples! 


The way I see it, is that the husband and wife are supporters of one another, the relationship is reciprocal, and this is how they grow tall and strong spiritually and in terms of development. If done right, the fruits will be self evident.

[Katara]

1) Good analogy to point out that we need support to grow stronger.


2) But, who's the "tree" and who's the "stick" in this analogy? .. The stick analogy shows that as the tree grew bigger, the first stick will have to be "divorced" from the tree and the "ex" will be replaced with a new stick that physically & momentarily, fits the tree's  new "interest".


... The quran says spouses are like garments to one another. The clothes we choose function to protect and support our needs/wants, in return we have to take care of the clothes so that they last longer or change accordingly to our interests..... In this analogy, both the garment and the body that wears it "grow" overtime and "adapt" to each other.

Whereas,  the stick in the analogy you posted here, remain static, and in it's "interest" the tree plays no role what so ever.   ... Ah, another lesson is gained from your analogy...



4) What if two "seeds" are planted near to one another so that they grow side by side and give support just like the sticks?
     Will they grow stronger together or become weaker? ...In what conditions?

[Elke]

2) But, who's the "tree" and who's the "stick" in this analogy?

one does not always have to be stick or the tree
life is change

[Wakas]

peace,

2) But, who's the "tree" and who's the "stick" in this analogy?

I thought someone might bring that up.  Analogies are never perfect representations. I was mainly highlighting the overall theme of growth by way of support. As sister Elke implied, I do not see one partner as only the stick or only the tree, but interchangeable. People have growth phases as well as static phases, hence sometimes they will be the tree, sometimes they will be the stick, they key is the direction, and that is ascension, towards the light/sun.

2) But, who's the "tree" and who's the "stick" in this analogy? .. The stick analogy shows that as the tree grew bigger, the first stick will have to be "divorced" from the tree and the "ex" will be replaced with a new stick that physically & momentarily, fits the tree's  new "interest".

lol @ divorced stick. What's next... each tree can have four sticks? As long as the sticks have baby sticks of course! 

... The quran says spouses are like garments to one another. The clothes we choose function to protect and support our needs/wants, in return we have to take care of the clothes so that they last longer or change accordingly to our interests..... In this analogy, both the garment and the body that wears it "grow" overtime and "adapt" to each other.

What kind of freaky clothes do you have that grow along with you?  You must let me know the name of your tailor.

Whereas,  the stick in the analogy you posted here, remain static, and in it's "interest" the tree plays no role what so ever.   ... Ah, another lesson is gained from your analogy...

I think technically, the stick would be standing stronger too due to the tree being there.

4) What if two "seeds" are planted near to one another so that they grow side by side and give support just like the sticks?
     Will they grow stronger together or become weaker? ...In what conditions?

Unfortunately, my child mind had not developed enough to also check this possibility. To be fair, my mum had her hands full with my over-inquisitve mind as it was, so perhaps it was lucky I did not suggest this, may have driven her over the edge.

[FAR]

Tree is a biological thing, stick is a dead thing.

Even humans have sticks.

And biological creatures sometimes gain affection for dead objects.

[Wakas]

FAR, I think that's going too far with the analogy :-s

[mozmahe]

Wakas,

Do you happen to know why the seedling with the stick grows stronger and taller?

Regards

[Wakas]

peace,

Wakas,

Do you happen to know why the seedling with the stick grows stronger and taller?

Regards

I think it is because with the support stick, less energy is spent in growing tall and strong, thus more energy available for other things, e.g. producing bigger leaves. I have not studied it though.

[Katara]

I think it has to do with the plant's hormone.. A type of hormone (forgot the name) that moves the plant towards the sun shine.

The chemical has less or no effect on a plant that is tied up to a stick. The stick forces the tree to grow upward when developing more cells. The nutrients than will be distributed evenly to all cell, not just to the cells that are affected by the chemical.

This is why a straight growing tree gives us the illusion that it is stronger than a bending tree.

[SarahY]

4) What if two "seeds" are planted near to one another so that they grow side by side and give support just like the sticks?
     Will they grow stronger together or become weaker? ...In what conditions?

I think they'd become weaker because they're already weak. one would outdo the other in strength or they might both die but also i think it depends on the environment and the plant, some plants are more dominating than others. some plants might look dead but regrow life with time. every plant is different but as Wakas witnessed all plants tend to grow best with some support.

Nice analogy, noticed how your mum replaced the support stick with a bigger one as the plant grew? just goes to show that in relationships things change. Sometimes a plant/tree doesn't need any support and we leave them and then look to find that the branches are leaning in a certain direction because not only does the stick support it but also the environment (i.e. the sun, soil/water) so the plant looks for support on it's own if not supported (by the stick, or the gardeners care i.e. watering). and sometimes by working alone just by the environment it can damage/bend it's direction, so sometimes people need to intervene/adapt ways and keep a look out.

i was reading a quote by Bruce Lee you might like it "on the nature of adaptation, - what is adaptation? it is like the immediacy of the shadow adjusting itself to the moving body". i know it's not a quote on relationships but i believe change happens in relationships (e.g. some people have children, lose jobs, move countries etc) and if people can't adapt then problems arise. so if we think of adapting like a shadow we flow in unison with the movements supporting one another just like the tree needs to be adapted with a bigger stick sometimes we need to adapt to support each other

peace