Author Topic: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands  (Read 26478 times)

AceOfHearts

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The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« on: December 23, 2008, 11:18:53 AM »
The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands

The Qur'an was sent down to a disbelieving people who treated women as second class citizens. Their view was that women's duty is to obey men and to serve their needs. To this day, so-called religious Muslims have inherited this chauvinism. They approach the Qur'an with a pre-acquired mentality. The intention is not to totally surrender to Allah, rather to find ways to adapt the Qur'an to their twisted objectives. The verse they think they found is 4:34 quoted below:

"Men are to support women by what Allah has bestowed on them over one another and for what they spend of their money. The righteous women are obedient/dutiful women (قانتات); they keep private, the matters for which Allah would keep watch over. As for those women from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in their sleeping place, and go away from them. If they respond to you, then do not seek a way over them; Allah is High, Great." (Qur'an 4:34)

These people fail to comprehend the word 'qanitaat قانتات',  women who are obedient/dutiful, which is referring to believing women who are obedient and dutiful to Allah. They say it refers to the husband. Some of these insincere people even translate the Qur'an and put their twisted interpretation in the translation. Let us see what the word actually means from a Quranic point of view.

Maryam, a devout believer, was referred to in the Qur'an using the same term:

"Maryam, daughter of Imran, she guarded her chastity, so We breather Our spirit into her. She accepted the truth of her Lord's words and Scriptures: she was truly obedient/dutiful (قانتين) (Qur'an 66:12)

Maryam was never known to have a husband, this word used in this verse can only refer to her being obedient to Allah alone.

The following Verse also uses this expression:

"For submitting men and women, for believing men and women, for obedient/dutiful men and women (والقانتين والقانتات), for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise, for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward" (Qur'an 33:35)

As can be seen, the word is associated with only being devoted to Allah. In fact, a study of the Qur'an reveals that the root word (ق-ن-ت) has always been used in the Qur'an to refer to believing women and men who obey Allah. Here are some examples:

"Abraham was truly an example, obedient/dutiful (قانتا) to Allah and true in faith. He was not an idolater." (Qur'an 16:120)

"...those who are steadfast, truthful, were the obedient/dutiful ones (قانتين), who spend (in Allah's cause) and pray before dawn for forgiveness.' (Qur'an 3:17)

"All that is in the heavens and the earth belongs to Him, everything is the obedient (قانتون) to His will." (Qur'an 2:116)

"And stand before Allah as obedient ones (قانتين)." (Qur'an 2:238)

"Maryam, be obedient (اقنتي) to your Lord, prostrate and bow down with those who bow" (Qur'an 3:43)

"Everyone in the heavens and the earth belongs to Him, there are all the obedient ones (قانتون)" (Qur'an 30:260)


As can be seen, the word is used to refer to obeying Allah and being devoted to Him.

"Men are to support women by what Allah has bestowed on them over one another and for what they spend of their money. The righteous women (صالحات) are obedient/dutiful women (قانتات); they keep private the matters for which Allah would keep watch over. As for those women from whom you fear desertion, then you shall advise them, and abandon them in their sleeping place, and go away from them. If they respond to you, then do not seek a way over them; Allah is High, Great." (Qur'an 4:34)

i.e. believing righteous women (صالحات) are obedient to Allah (قانتات) - a common Quranic theme.

To conclude, it does not make Quranic sense to say that 'qanitaat قانتات' in the above verse refers to women who are obedient to the husbands. 'Qanitaat قانتات' are those women who obey Allah and are dutiful to Him, just as the word is used in the rest of the Qur'an.

To a believer who is well versed in the Qur'an, listening to or reading this Verse instinctively leads him or her to interpret it in the way we have done in this article. However, the insincere people out there are those whose aim is not to study the Qur'an for guidance, but to find religious basis for their preconceived views and motives. These people are disguised as believers and follow an inherited religion. Once a believer finds the true Quranic interpretations, no matter what other human beings or books say, he follows the path Allah makes clear to him in the Qur'an.

The believing husband and wife co-operate with mutual understanding and consideration. This originates from their innate believer personalities of being self-sacrificing, caring and understanding. There is not the slightest master-slave inclination in their relationship as they are devoted to Allah and take the Qur'an as their guide.

"One of His signs is that He created for you spouses like your selves so that you may live with them with affection and mercy - there are signs in this for people who reflect" (Qur'an 30:21)

www.quranicpath.com | The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands


progod

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2008, 11:15:52 AM »
I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God.  And if the two contradict God comes first.

Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.


Godbless,
Anwar
The Quranists Must Rise!

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Fahad

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2008, 06:02:22 PM »
Salaam alaikum Anwar, all.

. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God.  And if the two contradict God comes first.

I second that. Just like if the children should obey the parents but not when the parents contradict God.

But I do not mean that all men are superior in authority over all women.  For example in a father-daughter and a husband-wife relationship, the man is to be obeyed. But in a mother-son relationship, the mother is to be obeyed. Therefore a man can also be subordinate, as can be a woman, but only in relationships. If there is no relationship between a man and a woman, then he has nothing over her and vice versa.

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Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.

Yes, dysfunctional families and dysfunctional societies. Women should compliment men instead of challenging them. Believing men and women are complimentary opposites, awliya of one another(9/71). This ensures the smooth functioning of the family as well as the society. Otherwise, women abandoning the feminine gender roles overburdens the men and men abandoning masculine gender roles overburdens the women.



@ AceOfHearts

?Fa in ata?na kum?(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.


marleya

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2008, 07:18:18 PM »
Salaam alaikum Anwar, all.

I second that. Just like if the children should obey the parents but not when the parents contradict God.




Salaam aleikum

I dont think a wife can be obedient to a husband,like children are to the parents.A grown married woman,is not a child,in the hands of the husband,and if her obedience is to be compared with,a childs obidience,than I dont agree.

Fahad,you speak about relationships,what about brothers?A woman has relationships with many men,not only husbands,they have brothers,uncels,cousins,and so on,and on.Is her obedience also required here?

In my fathers culture,it is like that.The woman never belong to her self.First the father and brothers and uncels,then the husband,and all the others too.She is to drop anything she is doing,when any of them need attention.In many muslim cultures,men understand that they should be respected,just because they are born men,and that is enough.

The boys get to be spoiled,and the girls,eat less food,suffer more mailnutrition,more diseas,and death,than boys.When she grow up,she continu being a child,with no influence on her own life,completly in the hands of men.

Woman are their one humans,with the same intellegence as men,and with powers over men,as men have over women.



Victory for good over evil

Fahad

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2008, 07:51:41 PM »
Salaam aleikum

I dont think a wife can be obedient to a husband,like children are to the parents.A grown married woman,is not a child,in the hands of the husband,and if her obedience is to be compared with,a childs obidience,than I dont agree.

By children I meant sons and daughters.


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Fahad,you speak about relationships,what about brothers?A woman has relationships with many men,not only husbands,they have brothers,uncels,cousins,and so on,and on.Is her obedience also required here?

No.

Samia

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #5 on: December 27, 2008, 09:31:38 PM »
 Comparing obedience to parents (by sons and daughters) to that of husbands is completely wrong. The former has being emphasized by God in more than a verse, the latter: never.

I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God.  And if the two contradict God comes first.


This is how God sets the limits to the obedience of parents! What if it was a matter not related to God's obedience? For example: what if the husband asks her not to work or interfers in her choice of friends? Shouldn't the same apply to the wife? Things are not always black and white.

I second that.


‘Fa in ata’na kum’(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.

You are taking a sentence out of context. Who is being addressed?
The verse speaks of two kinds of wives: the first kind, the righteous, were not described as (obedient to their husband).

nerspi

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2008, 06:23:12 AM »
peace

i don't believe women should or must obey their husbands...
there are couples where a woman works, pays bills, brings and prepares food... does ALL the work while husband does nothing... why should she obey him?

The believing husband and wife co-operate with mutual understanding and consideration.

i agree.

marrige is not about one having control over the other

FAR

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2008, 06:30:06 AM »


In my fathers culture,it is like that.The woman never belong to her self.First the father and brothers and uncels,then the husband,and all the others too.She is to drop anything she is doing,when any of them need attention.In many muslim cultures,men understand that they should be respected,just because they are born men,and that is enough.

The boys get to be spoiled,and the girls,eat less food,suffer more mailnutrition,more diseas,and death,than boys.When she grow up,she continu being a child,with no influence on her own life,completly in the hands of men.



Sounds like a 100% pagan culture, somewhat similar to the one of pre-quranic arabia.
Masalam

P.S. I am a muslim. Do you love the quran?

http://www.youtube.com/user/faro0485?feature=mhum#g/f

jaythikay99

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2008, 09:15:21 AM »
I didn't really read your message. So if that is ignorant of me, sorry. But I do believe that women should obey their husbands. But overall they should obey God.  And if the two contradict God comes first.
Ungodly, abusive men and ungodly, disobedient women cause dysfunctional marriages.
Godbless,
Anwar

Yes, unless a woman doesn't want separation she must obey her husband. I mean its quite understandable if you don't obey God you end up in hell and if you don't obey your husband you end up in a miserable life and finally separation. It reminds me a great saying of our great Prophet Mohammad PBUH when he said "if prostration is happen to be allowed for anyone else other then God then I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands"  he said so or something like that and God knows the best. Subhan Allah great minds think alike.

Fahad

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Re: The Myth that Women have to "Obey" their Husbands
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2008, 02:41:34 PM »
This is how God sets the limits to the obedience of parents! What if it was a matter not related to God's obedience?

That is just where their obedience is required.


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For example: what if the husband asks her not to work or interfers in her choice of friends?

She should obey him. If she doesn?t like Allah?s arrangement for her, she can go marry an obedient man and be the maintainer/manager over him. Maybe that will make her life easier?


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Shouldn't the same apply to the wife? Things are not always black and white.

You mean the wife asking the husband to not work?


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I second that.

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?Fa in ata?na kum?(4/34) leaves no doubt as to where obedience is due.

You are taking a sentence out of context. Who is being addressed?

Men.


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The verse speaks of two kinds of wives: the first kind, the righteous, were not described as (obedient to their husband).

So the righteous wives are disobedient, and the unrighteous ones are obedient? Nice.

As-salihaat , women who reconcile or reform. If the man is to maintain or manage the women, the women must be obedient; otherwise it will make reconciliation difficult. It will make his responsibility difficult. How can being disobedient help her reconcile? Thus the women are to reconcile themselves with the arrangement made by Allah for men to be maintainers/managers/care-takers/guardians over women and women to be obedient to men(in the context of a husband-wife relationship).

You see, the three steps the men are told to take are for women who go out of the line of being as-saalihaat.

If they go back to being obedient, that is if they reconcile with this arrangement made by Allah, then there is no need then to take those 3 steps.