A little background about me. I am a cis-gendered woman so this isn?t something I have experienced. I have, like you, enjoyed playing with toy cars, Lego, video games and have never been interested in dolls as a child. As an adult almost all of my interests would be described as masculine (computer programming, engineering, video games, DIY) and I have never been interested in makeup. I have heard on multiple occasions from different people that I do not act in a feminine way at all.
However, and this is an important distinction I have noticed between myself and a friend I have talked to in detail about gender dysphoria (he?s a trans man) is the level of comfort in one?s own skin. I feel comfortable in my own body, how it looks, and I like dressing up in a feminine manner for special occasions. He, on the other hand, has always had an antagonistic relationship to his body, from a very young age. And exactly as you said in your post, his feelings changed from his childhood to his teenage years and will probably fluctuate even from then to early adulthood. This is why I think that irreversible measures shouldn?t be taken unless the person?s an adult and has had a persistent desire to transition, one that has been consistent for at least a few years.
I think this discomfort in one?s own body deserves attention as a sign that something is wrong, but I do not know if it necessarily means that things will improve post-transition, but if there is one thing I am sure of, is that the current situation seems bad enough that one must do so.
Might I ask what you mean by God directly speaking to your heart concerning the gender of your soul compared to your genetic gender? I consider myself to be culturally Muslim but my beliefs are probably best described as agnostic deism. I do not think my understanding of Islam and agnostic deism to be mutually exclusive or even contradictory, and I do not believe that a just God would want you to experience social isolation or pain. I do not think it?s wise for you to lose family and friends on account of becoming Muslim publicly. You should see Islam as a guide to live a fulfilling life while remaining true to yourself, and genuine in your interactions with others. There is no monastic sect in Islam for this reason, among others. I don?t think there is anything wrong with converts choosing to hide their Muslim identity from family to maintain the peace, especially so if it?s temporary. People take time to come to terms with change, and I think it helps to gradually bridge a gap.
I am not saying that you should live a lie with your close friends and family, but to actively make genuine human connections based on who you really are, and not on what image you portray, or any specific part of your identity. It?s better, in my experience, to have a few people who you are close to and have an authentic relationship with, than to have many acquaintances.
I hope you find the community and friends you are looking for, and feel free to PM me.
Peace,
Sarah
However, and this is an important distinction I have noticed between myself and a friend I have talked to in detail about gender dysphoria (he?s a trans man) is the level of comfort in one?s own skin. I feel comfortable in my own body, how it looks, and I like dressing up in a feminine manner for special occasions. He, on the other hand, has always had an antagonistic relationship to his body, from a very young age. And exactly as you said in your post, his feelings changed from his childhood to his teenage years and will probably fluctuate even from then to early adulthood. This is why I think that irreversible measures shouldn?t be taken unless the person?s an adult and has had a persistent desire to transition, one that has been consistent for at least a few years.
I think this discomfort in one?s own body deserves attention as a sign that something is wrong, but I do not know if it necessarily means that things will improve post-transition, but if there is one thing I am sure of, is that the current situation seems bad enough that one must do so.
Might I ask what you mean by God directly speaking to your heart concerning the gender of your soul compared to your genetic gender? I consider myself to be culturally Muslim but my beliefs are probably best described as agnostic deism. I do not think my understanding of Islam and agnostic deism to be mutually exclusive or even contradictory, and I do not believe that a just God would want you to experience social isolation or pain. I do not think it?s wise for you to lose family and friends on account of becoming Muslim publicly. You should see Islam as a guide to live a fulfilling life while remaining true to yourself, and genuine in your interactions with others. There is no monastic sect in Islam for this reason, among others. I don?t think there is anything wrong with converts choosing to hide their Muslim identity from family to maintain the peace, especially so if it?s temporary. People take time to come to terms with change, and I think it helps to gradually bridge a gap.
I am not saying that you should live a lie with your close friends and family, but to actively make genuine human connections based on who you really are, and not on what image you portray, or any specific part of your identity. It?s better, in my experience, to have a few people who you are close to and have an authentic relationship with, than to have many acquaintances.
I hope you find the community and friends you are looking for, and feel free to PM me.
Peace,
Sarah