Topics

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Marriage & Divorce / I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you!!

« on: January 12, 2011, 06:00:30 PM »

I just needed to share my thoughts on the following as its been going around and around in my head for a few days now.

A muslim male work firnd of mine is going through a divorce. On the whole he is a great guy. We always have great discussions about the Quran as his interest in my being a convert/revert (or whatever he sees me as) causes some great debates.

He was born in the UK and in his own words is not very religious (whatever that means to him). However after making this satement (about his lack of being strict in Islam) whilst discussing looking for a future wife who he insists he does not want wearing hijab he then went one to answer my question of "when does your decree nisi get granted" with...........it doesnt matter ive spoken to my ex wife over the phone and declared I divorce you three times!!!!! 

So heres my confusion.......he says he is not religious but then spouts some rubbish about three times divorce over the phone (which is part of religious divorce in HIS understanding) crazy......


so after laughing for a good five mins and him asking me what I thought was so funny I printed of some great info from the divorce article in Free Minds and gave them to him asking him to read up .

The next day he came in and said that his friend said the web sites I am looking at are devient and not real Islam........All I could say was look forget me/your friend/websites just look in your Quran........his answer was.....yeah iI might do that!!! I give up

Does any one know where the stating of I divorce x3 comes from?

later on that week he told me his friend also told him to stay away from reverts/converts as they are forever saying this is this and that is that in Islam......my reply.....maybe its because we read the book 

rant over 

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Discuss Latest News/Events / Muslim women sues Muslim boss for sacking her as she didnt wear a headscarf

« on: October 03, 2010, 12:36:10 PM »

Hi all, just thought you may be interested in this story today. I know we have had threads on the headscarf but I think that this women was brave to see this to the end yeyeyey for her 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1317342/Muslim-woman-sacked-REFUSING-wear-headscarf.html

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Introduce Yourself / Hi all .....about time I introduced myself :)

« on: December 01, 2009, 06:21:00 AM »

Hello everyone, I have been a member for a while but have never introduced myself but enjoy reading all your posts. Ill try to explain as best I can how I came to god alone excuse me if its not clear or its longwinded.....

I converted to Islam in February and thats where my story starts. Prior to converting (like most I assume) I began reading the Quran and various articles, sites on Islam. What I read made sense and being confused about my birth religion (roman catholic) in regards to who wrote the bible and various other issues I went with my instincts and visited the local mosque. Im happily married (5 years) with two wonderful children and one on the way. My husband was happy for me to explore anything that made me happy and had no issues with my growing interest in Islam.

Cutting a long story short, I met some likeminded (or so I thought) people who encouraged me that the time was right to take my shahadda. On the day I was to take it I was excited I was taken aside by the women who would take me through it and another witness.....just as I was about to begin the woman said "I hear your married" i replied that I was and she said well before I begin im just letting you know your marriage will not be valid after shahadda ....she quickly continued with my shahadda and i went through it a bit numb and shocked I felt too embarressed to question what she ment but too stuborn to say "well ill not take my shahadda then" ...I was then led to a women who looked soooo miserable that she looked on the verge of tears...I was introduced to her and told this is so and so...she has the same issues as you and made the brave decision to leave her husband and children for her faith any advice you need just ask her  ......WHAT ARRGGHHH...my exciting day had been ruined (to soft a word) and I was now completley dumfounded

I sought advice with a muslim lady I knew as I was so upset that this peaceful loving and logical system would insist I break my family up because id found the truth. .I was advised (all be it very discretley) to read the Quran without hadith (or the view of the women in charge of the sunday mosque meeting) for myself. I did but still found contradictions everywhere. I decided to ask god for his advice and in the mean time went on a basic residential Arabic course at a local institute. Whilst there one of the organisers heard my concerns and provided me with a copy of a fatwa which explained i didnt need to leave my non muslim husband and children...more confusion 

so phew (sorry for waffeling) I went back to the mosque feeling that I may have been misinformed and would give the women the benifit of doubt. Two or three visits later i realisied that i was continually witnessing a total lack of regard for Quran. All lessons, talks , advice and religious views were based on hadith....when i questioned this I was repremanded ...there is soooo much more I could tell you about how i was treated (all because I went away and researched myself or tried to help ladies who were being given frightening advice as regards divorce , custody and domestic violence all based on hadith).

I decided that I would rather be alone and follow Quran and try to gain knowledge enough to dispute issues with authority rather than my gut feelings, than be part of a group following hadith and see injustice done. Im a trainee Barrister and it is second nature to me to use the primary source for informationand try to evidence things and not to advise without knowledge....but I was made to feel i was wrong for doing this. i also really disliked teh constant reference to how much reward i would get for this and that and how i would be overlooked or not heard by god if i missed just one ritualistic instruction (like not washing hands so many times or pronouncing my arabic incorrectly)....i got the impression that it was all about reward and standing out as a muslim via my choice of clothes than it was about love, good deeds, peace happiness and pleasing god thorugh helping others.

Waffle over.......so here I am im still very much a learner and always will be......my stab at Arabic wasnt great and im still trying to learn ...but i love to learn so its a joy. The more of Quran I read the more I know I have made the right decision and my family continues to be happy healthy and my husband continues to enjoy hearing about what ive learned and becoming more open to teachings or healthy debate on subjects arising in the Quran....

I am happy to have found the group and thank you all for the interesting and thought provoking posts you write they have are both helpful and encuraging ....I hope one day I will be able to contribute at the same level of understanding.